2012

What a year! I reflected on my year and things I’ve done. It was quite a big year. Probably the biggest one yet filled with so much growth in numerous ways and the busiest schedule I’ve had yet! So I am going to go through my year in how I have grown in different ways, lists a bunch of “firsts” for me and other cool things I got to do!

Growing as a leader…

I was elected Vice President in Ambassadors in the spring and officially started my duties in the fall semester. I continued to be President in BUILD Beauty and then just recently was chosen to be Vice President for Blue Key Honor Society. My leadership roles have definitely become bigger and more important to me this past year. I was also selected to be my sister’s Maid of Honor in her wedding! I had never been a bridesmaid before and here I was in the highest rank as a 20 year old! I kept telling the other bridesmaids that I was new to all of this. It was a challenge since I was 20 years old with no wedding experience kind of leading women that were older than me. Luckily, we were blessed with women that have been involved in a wedding or two and did so much for me to help me and my sister through the process! My August was insane as I had Ambassador retreats the 2^nd and 3^rd and my sister’s bridal shower to help host on the 4^th and then leave again on the 6^th I believe it was to go to Indianapolis for conference. But it all worked out and I loved it!

Growing spiritually…

I started a daily devotional book called, “The Confident Woman” by Joyce Meyer that I successfully read every single day (usually right before bed) except for 3 days. Only 3 days that I missed, but made up for the next day! That book has helped me grow spiritually but as a woman as well. I feel that it has helped my thoughts, patience, and outlook on things. I feel stronger and more content. I don’t worry as much and stress out as much than I have in the past I feel like. It is an amazing book and I recommend it. I am going to start it over this year and highlight things this time. I also made it a goal over summer to go to church every week when I am home. I have been pretty successful in that except for a few occasions. There were a couple weekends I was doing wedding stuff and my birthday weekend that I did not make. I attended Thursday morning bible study over summer with a few other adults. I was the youngest, by a lot. But I loved that little group and becoming closer with people in my church. They hosted a retreat I went to and I was able to get away and learn more and make friends!

Growing through goodbyes...
This year my cat that I had had since I was a little girl passed away. It was also the end of the show, Desperate Housewives that I had watched from the very beginning with my mom. We watched it throughout the years together and I fell in love with that show, the characters and the times watching it with my mom. I also had to say goodbye to people graduating. This would be people I've grown close to through organizations like Ambassadors and BUILD Beauty. But I can revisit old episodes and keep in touch with others through the many forms of communication the Internet has to offer!

Growing through disappointments…

There were some disappointments, but I like to take them as things to learn from and grow stronger. I had my first negative criticism about my blog and YouTube channel. At first, I didn’t know how to handle it, but I am blessed with great family and friends that talked to me about it. I also tried this brand new idea I came up with for recruitment for Ambassadors. I wanted to do a showcase that had funny skits and a new way to relay info to students interested in Ambassadors. I was stressed and a little anxious on how it would turn out. After a lot of thinking, creating, rehearsing and preparing, only 1 student showed up. We ended up not doing everything we had planned. I went home disappointed, frustrated, tired, and even a bit embarrassed. Again, I have an awesome Ambassador family that supported me and made me feel better. Had to keep moving on! I also had a tougher time with classes this year and didn't even think at one point I would pass biology. I never really experienced that feeling, but had to deal with it and get through it!

Growing through work…

It was the first summer I had a somewhat big girl job that wasn’t at a concession stand. I started work at Fazoli’s. It was an experience and another side of work I got to learn about. I met new people that gave me a glimpse into lives of other people. Definitely a learning experience!

I also accepted a second job at ESU as a writer for an online fashion blog. I would be working with another girl that would help with ideas, do a little editing and be the photographer. It’s been pretty fun and the girl I get to work with is a hoot! We have a lot of fun together so sometimes I think; I get paid to do this?

Growing through poetry…

I took a poetry writing class and also a seminar of creative writing class that was a capstone class and one that graduate students could take. It was hard. There were times I had thought about dropping the seminar class, but I toughed it out. I had never done a project like that. I had never been that nervous and unsure of my work when I turned in the portfolio. Those classes made me grow so much emotionally and opened me up through writing. It got me out of the box and more comfortable writing about just about anything. I am so glad I took both of those classes and stuck it out.

A year of firsts…

I got my first iPhone and I have been in love with it ever since. I was glad to get it with how involved and busy I have become. It helps me communicate in all sorts of ways which is really important for things I do, search things, get to places, give me reminders, and wake me up!

I golfed for the first time at an Ambassador Alumni event!

I went to the President’s house for the first time when I went to plan for the BUILD Beauty birthday party.

I had my first s’more with a reese’s!

I finally finally had Chipotle for the first time after so many shocked reactions when I would tell people I hadn't had it.

My first legal drink!

I ate out by myself for the first time and even had a day at the mall on my own.

I attended my first bridal show.

Ashley and I were the first girls in Emporia, Kansas to get the Taylor Swift CD at midnight! They had to get it from the back!

Being the first woman Vice President of Blue Key

Made it on to my first postcard!

Amazing moments…

Receiving the Susan B. Anthony award

BUILD Beauty birthday party! BUILD Beauty turned 1-year-old!

District conference for Ambassadors in Fulton, Missouri!

National conference for Ambassadors in Indianapolis, Indiana!

Making history in the Blue Key Honor Society

Spending time with family and getting closer with my nephews & niece!

Becoming closer with people and making new friends!

Glad to have met one of my new BFFs, Kirsten!

Late night shakes at Steak N' Shake in Indianapolis 

After walking back to our hotel in the rain!

A couple special ladies in my life! Tayler & Doricka

Produced a confidence book with the BUILD Beauty girls!

Went on a sophisticated date with Sammie to see Hairspray!

Went to Clearwater, KS to celebrate Paige getting married!

Been reconnected with Colin who is like a big brother to me! At a wine tasting event for a local politician.

...and Colin has given me a big sister! Been falling in love with Jane! 

Glad to have these people that I get to laugh and be weird with! Stayed and helped me after the wedding too!

My brother and stister. Love them lots.

Stister love :)

Glad to have an amazing family! 

Have gotten closer to my Ambassador family!

Getting to work with the Emporia State President!

And getting to be an intern at the Admissions office with this lovely lady , Jade! 

And living with this amazingly awesome lady that puts up with me and shares a room with me in Emporia! Had a lot of laughs, rants, and spontaneous times with her! :)

I have been sleeping a lot this Christmas break and taking lots of naps. I think I am making up for all the naps I never got to take this last semester. And after reflecting over this year, no wonder, I am tired! I am relaxing and getting refreshed for the new year!

I already know 2013 has some pretty awesome things in store for me.

I will have 12 Vice President committee members in the spring and I will get to work with

11 other Blue Key members.

I will be taking 6 classes this next semester.

I have 4 amazing girls to help me run BUILD Beauty.

I will attend at least 3 conferences and see Lady Gaga in concert 2 times and I have 1 amazing year ahead of me! 

Happy New Year!

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel 

A Letter To Myself

I wrote a letter to myself on January 1, 2012. It was the same day I created this blog. I wanted to write something that I could read at the end of the year to reflect on and see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve grown. I guess I never thought about how powerful it could be.

I decided to read it on Christmas night which would give me a week to reflect on the past year and give me time to write a new one for next year. I was just a couple lines in when tears came to my eyes. I was overwhelmed I suppose. There was something about reading a letter to myself written from my past self. It was nice to see how I was feeling then and what my resolutions and goals were. I could compare to what I am feeling now and also see how well I achieved those goals. It was encouraging because I was so positive about things and then also encouraged myself now. It meant a lot and was a nice reminder of how determined I can be and should be.

It was also a little humorous to see me write about how nervous and excited I was about turning 21 and thinking about how what a blast and a half it turned out to be. I even made a comment like, “Hey, Karrie and Devan are married now!” It was a big year.

I encourage you to make a letter to yourself! Here are tips on how you can start:

- Ask yourself, “How’s it going?”

- Write down how you are feeling right now.

- Write what is going on in life at the moment you are writing. Are you on Christmas break? What job do you have? Are you single? Planning a wedding? Did you just start a book?

- List resolutions and goals for the year. (Try to be specific.)

- Write encouraging words. (Learn! Learn! Learn! Do big things! Keep smiling and keep going!)

- Ask yourself questions. These can then be answered in the next letter a year from now.

I had written in mine “Right now I feel like I am getting stronger. I can’t imagine what it will feel like a year from now. What does it feel like?” This I can answer in my next letter!

The more detailed you are, the cooler it will be when you read it! Try to shoot for a page or two. Be sure to stash it away somewhere you won’t lose it, but also not forget about!

I hope you try this out and it can impact you next year!

Questions?

Email me: glitterandthegirlygirl@gmail.com

Tweet me: @rachelnmsparkle 

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel 

Boys - More Things I've Learned

Over summer, I made a post called simply, “Boys.” Within not even 24 hours, I was flooded with texts, emails, comments, and messages by not only boys, but girls as well. I even had about 4 date offers. I haven’t had a response like that to a post even to this day. As the end of the year wraps up, it means I’ve had another half of a year or so of random experiences, first kisses, awkward moments, anger, smiles, a couple tears, disappointments, observations, and array of poems to capture the intense moments, good and bad.

With taking a poetry writing class and then having my project in my seminar of creative writing class involve me writing an anthology of poems about my life in the boy department, I’ve really had to stretch my brain, emotions, words, thoughts, and feelings. I’ve had to do a lot of writing and luckily life hasn’t given me too many dull moments, but instead a lot of material to turn into poems. The classes made me grow and really get me out of my box to where I am writing things I, unfortunately, cannot share on here. But I do want to include snipits of favorite parts and lines from them throughout this post.

Here it is: Boys – More Things I’ve Learned

I’m with a boy

from UCLA

that just bought me ice cream

from a little shop

across the way.

While in Indianapolis at a conference, a boy from UCLA and I were drawn to each other. It was really neat getting to know him and finding out how different things are with our schools and where we live. Sometimes I forget how big the world is and he reminds me of that.

He spits out the chocolate chips

because he only likes the mint.

That whole time with him felt like a movie in that city. We’ve still been able to keep in contact since then and who knows, with how unlikely it seems that I will see him again in person, you never know maybe it will happen someday!

But really these feelings are untrue

because I don’t mean that much to you.

I had a huge crush on someone and let him in too far, too fast. We had a falling out. Now he lives in the same apartments as me…with his now girlfriend.

I had a crush.

My heart beat fast.

Never thought you would rush

and I’d come in last

There was one guy that I was talking to and lead me on until I saw he got into a relationship…over Facebook.

I hate that I let you disappoint me.

I hate that I let you waste

my time,

my breath,

my words.

I let you take up space on my paper,

my clean paper.

I let you take part of my creativity

when I could be writing about beautiful

things.

Someone broke the record. He talked to me every day for months, took me to a movie, and shared kisses with me. First guy I had the “next step” talk with, a possible relationship down the road. He was supposed to be the “good guy” that everyone likes. Different from the jerks I had wasted time on. He complimented my eyes. Something I don’t get from guys often. But then he stopped, went away. Another fall out. That was one of my lowest points, but minimal tears were to be cried. For some reason, a boy hasn’t been able to make me really cry in a long time. I just didn’t know if I had used up all my tears last year or maybe my skin is just getting thicker after every burn. Maybe the poems have taken my emotions from me to where I don’t need to cry. He sparked “A Bitter Rant To Boys.”

I dropped my purse to the ground

I’ve had a lot of these movie moments as I like to think of them. Having ice cream with a UCLA boy in a beautiful city on a Friday night would be a prime example. There is also something about dropping your purse to the ground right before a kiss or dropping your clutch during one that gives me a movie feel. Girls, try it out sometime. It’s kind of like in Princess Diaries when she wants her foot to “pop” during her first kiss. Try to “drop” something next time. It kind of has a thrilling feeling.

He’s easy to spot at the bar

because he’s tall

and charm shines

through his blue eyes

and bright white smile.

He mingles with people

making them laugh

along with him.

I like his laugh.

So I met this guy. I remember the night clearly. Ever since he talked to me first that night at the bar, we’ve had this weird little relationship. We’ve spent time together on numerous occasions. He is really different and has this funny adorable personality, but school keeps him really busy and he is a horrible texter and will openly admit it. So when we do see each other, it is usually random, spontaneous and unplanned. (I’ve found it’s usually the spontaneous nights that are the best in general!) I chose that particular part of the poem to depict him because there have been times I will be out with friends and I can see him from a distance and I picture Ryan Gosling at the bar in Crazy Stupid Love. How the focus is on him as he is mingling with ease. That’s him. Have you heard about being weak in the knees? It’s possible, a real thing. He is really laid back and doesn’t seem to take life too seriously. I like that because I’m usually taking it too seriously. He reminds me to chill out. The last time I hung out with him not long before he left he said, “You know what my motto is? I’m an owl and I don’t give a hoot.”

“Don’t look at me. You got a girl at home and everybody knows that, everybody knows that.” – Taylor Swift (Girl At Home)

Recently, I’ve had a couple encounters where boys tried to lie about having girlfriends. One of them really had me fooled at one point, but luckily my roommate was able to find things out. That is something you should know about me. I have been blessed with great close friends that really know how to find stuff out. When they do find out, they aren’t afraid to tell me even though I may hurt, feel stupid, or be embarrassed and I am so thankful for that! Boys should know that girls talk and we do find things out. Also, sometimes it is as easy as getting on Facebook or Twitter.

“And yeah I might go with it if I hadn’t once been just like her.” – Taylor Swift (Girl At Home)

My heart does feel for these girls that have no clue what is happening while their boyfriends are at a different college. I once was that oblivious girl and luckily I had family and friends that had my back and was a great support system to get me through it. Being told by my close friends was one of the best things to happen for me and sometimes I wish that I could tell them and set them free like I was able to do, but who’s to say they will believe a stranger. It would probably not help anything and might even backfire on me. I’d be the one to blame. Is it even my business anyway? I don’t want to burn bridges. I will pray and hope that maybe one day something will change for them. That they may get the chance to move on to something better or these guys will learn what respect is. In the meantime, I will do just about as much as I can do. Confront the guys and tell them to respect the girlfriend they have or move on.

I got caught up.

It wasn’t your eyes.

Not even your smile.

I got caught up in someone that I couldn’t even explain why I was attracted. But I really was. That doesn’t happen very often for me. Usually there is something that sticks out or some kind of reason. But this one was different. A lot different from the same guys I had usually gave my attention to. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, the confidence he gave off, his witty ways, how he could hold a conversation. Something was there. It seemed like there was something between us possibly. You know how people say stuff like it felt like there was nobody else around. Like it was just the two of them? Like nothing else mattered at that moment? Yeah, that is a real thing too.

You tempted me

to taint my reputation,

to flirt with trouble.

You caught me.

You caught me.

Since the last “Boys” blog post, the number of dates I have been on has not increased very much at all. I could probably still count on one hand. I used to be a little bitter about it until I thought about it more and experienced my own small bank account, that dates in college are pretty slim. They cost money and money is very minimal in the lives of college students. BUT there are ways around it. Getting ice cream some night wouldn’t be that bad, going to a park and looking at the stars doesn’t cost anything, and even watching a movie together sounds good since that rarely happens either. With my busy schedule, a movie night sounds divine just to get my mind off things and having time away from reality and life for a little bit.

Some look,

but don’t touch

They don’t want

to take the chance.

For my project in Seminar of creative writing, I worked on poems with the extended metaphor of being a Barbie. That was fun. One them I made was about the idea of having me. I am still going through the boys that talk to me and act like their interested, and then don’t hear from them. It has become a pretty common thing to where I’m getting used to it. As my friend Marcus would say, “NEXT!”

Some flirt

with the idea of having me,

but it’s too much work.

They put me back on the shelf.

If you want something, you just gotta say it. Sometimes you have to be straightforward with boys and just tell them what you want. Unfortunately, they can’t read our minds. Sometimes they won’t know unless you speak up.

People pass

and time keeps going

while neither of us notice.

I’ve also felt this reoccurring thought of time. I am a junior in college now and I usually talk to guys my age or older. So you find someone you are interested in and they graduate in the next semester. So what do you do? Everyone in college have these plans and dreams, some concrete with others up in the air. Some interested in grad school and others with job opportunities in other towns. Is it the best idea to try to begin something? I found that I am kind of like Taylor Swift when it comes to boys. I don’t really care, I go with the flow and see where it takes me even when I have the big chance of getting burned and hurt down the road. I appreciate those exciting times and the thrill of what is going to happen. It’s nice to get to know people and learn something from them. Whether it is a reminder that the world is big, to not take life too seriously, or I learn something about myself through them.

I’ve had to deal with awkward situations and learned how to stay strong when I come across someone that I had a falling out with. I take it as learning experiences and opportunities to grow.

Distance. Another factor that gets in the way. You may find someone pretty cool, but there is a lot of land separating you. Yes, with technology, it is easy to skype, facetime, text, etc. But it’s a challenge to see each other in person. It’s even harder when you haven’t been with them and you are trying to start something. One said he would try for a relationship if I was at the same school, but I am not. I also had a guy I met at conference that goes to the University of Texas at San Antonio that read my “Boys” blog and had said he would take me on a date if he could. It’s just that…he is in Texas. He wants a manual on girls. I told him I’d send him one. Us girls aren’t the only ones requesting manuals on the opposite sex these days!

There were no colors on the white walls and cement stairs,

but he brought color to me.

One disappointment I’ve had to accept is losing a great friend. I loved hanging out with him and joking around. After a night of going back and forth, he sometimes doesn’t acknowledge me or the most we mutter to each other is, “hey.” I somewhat feel punished because I didn’t feel the same way. Maybe he was hurt. If you want to read about the possibility of girls and boys actually being just friends, read a past blog post of mine, “Can We Be Friends?: Friendships with the opposite sex.” Also, you can check out “A Touchy Subject” for another debate with the opposite sex subject!

I've heard I am intimidating. I'm flattered, but don't know if that works against me?

Texting is its own thing now. It almost seems like it is too complicated. How often should you text? Should you text first or wait for him? Should you reply right away or wait awhile? Is every day too much? Or every other day? It really hit me how complex we’ve made texting when I found myself sitting on the ground in the relationship section of the library reading through a book titled, “Flirtexting.” Yes, it is real too. It was a whole book dedicated to teach you how to “flirtext.” Apparently, it’s a new way of texting. It taught you how not to reply too fast because that shows you are desperate, how to be flirty with your messages, and reassured you that texting was beneficial because you had time to think of something witty and really polish what you want to say before you send it. Yes, as if us girls have nothing else to worry about, we now have texting to add to our list of things to overanalyze. One of my friends and I discuss the topic of texting. We are the type of girls that like to text a lot so we enjoy boys who know how to text and can text pretty frequently. It is hard to find a happy medium because it is possible for me to get annoyed with a boy who texts TOO much and then I get irritated if it takes awhile just to get a reply. So boys, that can give you something to think about! Are you a good texter?

P.S. Girls really really really like good morning and goodnight texts. Thought I’d put a word in J

Overview

Boys

1.      Cheap/free dates are possible. Just get creative! You don’t have to make it harder than it is.

2.      Avoid being a slow/minimal texter.

3.      Good morning and goodnight texts are always welcome!

4.      Girls almost always find things out!

5.      Be honest.

*Listening to Taylor Swift might also help to find out how girls feel in all kinds of situations!

Girls

1.      Try to “drop” something in your next kiss.

2.      Apparently don’t reply too fast or over text a guy!

3.      Boys are just as confused as we are.

4.      That means we have to speak up!

5.      Be honest.

It’s been a good time since my last post. Despite the couple tears, bumps in the roads, burns, and lies I had encountered, I’ve learned and I am happy about that. I thank the boys for the motivation and inspiration that I get to channel into poetry. I got A’s J I loved the movie moments and the times I’ve smiled. Can’t wait to see what the new year has in store in the boy department!

No sounds filled that empty stairwell

except our breath trying to catch up with us.

Please feel free to contact me with feedback, questions, answers or advice for me, and more!

Email: glitterandthegirlygirl.blogspot.com

Twitter: @rachelnmsparkle

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel 

Lightning Bugs

I revisited a poem I drafted over summer and did some revising and thought I'd post it because I think it relates well with what is going on in the world. It's about a night I had with my niece who is in first grade. Definitely glad and thankful I got to have that moment and get to continue to have amazing moments with her.

It's a perfect weather
summer night.
The breeze in the air
sweeps softly through my hair
without a care in the world
like a little girl.
Lightning bugs are sprinkled
throughout the open yard.
They twinkle
and enchant the evening.
I stop for a moment
to think
about other people
in the world,
all the problems,
and hurt.
Any of mine seemed
tiny
like the lightning bugs
that were shining
that night
outside.
The only care I had
was to chase after
those twinkling lightning bugs
with Grace
right then,
to get the bug-filled jar
open.

Prayers go out to the victims in Newtown.

I'm thankful for my nephews and niece and will cherish my moments with them.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Those Moments

Sometimes I have these moments that hit me and make me realize all the neat things that I am getting to do, things that I am a part of, and the people that I get to work with. It happened to me last week. Here I was sitting in a Blue Key meeting in the President's conference room with 11 other student leaders with one of my best friends to my right and the President of Emporia State on my left while our co-advisor, past lieutenant governor, Gary Sherrer was skyping us from Colorado. We were pitching our 3 big ideas to each other that deal with thousands of dollars. I'm thinking, am I really doing this?
There were great discussions, stories, history and more in that meeting that I won't forget.
I called my mom afterward and rambled on for awhile because I was just so excited about it.

Listening to stories about alumni and what they are doing and have done makes me so excited to see what I will be doing years from now. As I have learned more and more about how much alumni contribute to students, it makes me want to give back even more when I am an alumni and provide opportunities to students like they have done for me. In January, I will be flying to Toledo with another girl who is the President of Blue Key to attend the national conference at the University of Toledo. We've had the privilege of having everything taken care of by a couple of Blue Key alumni and the President of ESU. I asked the President if I could meet these alumni or skype them or whatever it is I need to do to personally thank them.

I have also been able to write and model for an online fashion blog for ESU. You can find it at esubulletin.com! It has been a little challenging due to a busy schedule and having a partner that helps me out and does the photography for it. We have to figure things out and then work around our schedules. But it has been pretty fun so far and my partner is pretty dang cool and funny. We are always laughing, joking around and talking in accents. I finally got contracted and will get paid soon. So there are times I think, I get to be paid to do this?

It was also neat to interview applicants interested in becoming an Ambassador and being able to have a say in the selection process. I was able to pull off a reveal night for them and it was great seeing them find out they made it. Ashley and I went through and picked committees for the upcoming semester and I am so excited about my group that I am wanting January to come so we can meet and get to work! I really feel like we have our own little Ambassador family.

I am so thankful for these opportunities that have been presented to me. I love getting to work with people that are becoming close friends. It has been amazing and can't wait to see what else is going to happen next.
Stop and think about some neat things you get to do. I think it can be easy to brush over among the chaos of life. It doesn't matter how big or small. It can be simply being able to laugh with a best friend that is luckily your roommate. It makes me smile. :)

I was talking with someone at the gym and he said, "You've done a lot and you are only 21!" That was another moment where it hit me.

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel 

The Blue Key Honor Society

A Touchy Subject

I was about to hang out with a boy when my roommate was trying to make bets that he would try to make a move on me. I told her that nothing was going to happen even though I wasn't going to be surprised if he tried to make one. But I was dealt something refreshing. We watched a whole movie all the way through with a little conversation here and there. When I got back home, I was happy to report to my roommate, "He didn't even touch me! He hugged me when I left!" Not long after, the same thing happened with another boy. I came back and said, "He didn't even touch me!" But with a little confusion.

I told one of my close friends and she said, "Good!" She thought it was respectful and mature of them. I agreed that I did like that respect and it was a little different for me. But I couldn't help but wonder why they hadn't tried to make a little move or even get close to me?

It was just a couple weeks later when that same friend texted me, "So...I totally understand your whole 'he wouldn't even touch me' comment now..." I talked to her about it and she told me that she had hung out with a guy and all he did was give her a hug. She had this awkward feeling and wondered why he didn't try or if she did something wrong. Was he attracted? He said he was?

It has become a fine line and a "touchy" subject at this age of ours. Is there really a "too little" that goes opposite to "too much" for one of your first times hanging out with the opposite sex?

We battle with these feelings as girls. We like that they are not trying to be all over us, but at the same time, we wouldn't mind a little something. Sit a little closer, hold a hand, a goodnight kiss? What is "too little" and what is "too much?"

Share your thoughts!
You can email me at glitterandthegirlygirl@gmail.com, tweet me @rachelnmsparkle, or comment on here!

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Tiffany & Co.

A “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” poster hangs over my bed in Emporia and another one graces the wall over my night stand in Kansas City. Anna and I also have an Audrey Hepburn poster framed in our living room. I have never seen the movie all the way through. I tried once my freshman year of college one night when I had the room to myself, but just couldn't get into it. I have been meaning to try to watch it again because it is a classic and for some reason I have a thing for it and Audrey Hepburn as she keeps taking more and more wall space in my life.

My sister got a Tiffany’s necklace a couple years ago that I’ve always thought was cute and I wanted to get something like it myself. When I started to work at Fazoli’s over the summer, I soon discovered that customers would leave a little tip here and there for us that we could take. I decided I would save all of mine and get something special for myself. It didn’t take long for me to decide that it would be a Tiffany’s necklace. While other people would spend their tips that day on food and snacks, I would stash whatever I had in my pockets for the night and then empty them into a fishbowl I placed over my TV as motivation. Soon it was starting to pile up over time.

I had to stop working at Fazoli’s during the semester due to school. My sister got me an amazingly special necklace for being her Maid of Honor in her wedding that says my name on a heart charm and then Sparkle & Shine on a circle charm. I decided I didn’t want to get a necklace from Tiffany’s because I wouldn’t want to have to always alternate and pick and choose which necklace to wear. I already wear bracelets and watches, but what I didn’t really have much of or wear are rings. That’s when I decided to change what I wanted to a ring.

I counted the money I had saved from tips and I had enough to cover half of it. My goal was to have enough by my birthday so I could have it as a gift to myself. I only had about a month to save, so I started to work more hours at work and tried to cut back on spending money. There were times I thought I might not be able to get it my birthday weekend and might have to wait until Thanksgiving break until I had enough money.

Things worked out though and I was able to get it the day before my birthday! My sister took me before we went out to dinner at my favorite place. I was all dressed up in my black dress from the wedding and pink heels with rhinestones. They even had my size there at the store. It was so pretty with all the lights, all the sparkle. I felt a little like Audrey Hepburn. The two women that helped me gave me a little bag tied with ribbon along with a ribbon tied box. I was able to wear my ring out of the store.

Now, there is a lot of meaning that goes into this. This isn’t just me buying a birthday gift for myself. This ring means a lot to me in many ways. One of them is the fact that I was able to set my mind to a goal and achieve it. A goal that involved saving money. I am now in my second year of having to pay my own bills and groceries as I live on my own in college. My first year, I was not successful in budgeting and I ended up over spending money. It was definitely one of the biggest failures for me yet and I don’t know if I had ever been that disappointed in myself. I am still learning and still catching up, but I am definitely more aware of cutting back. This occasion let me know that I can save up and I can work hard to get something that I want. I made it a point to save on my own. I didn’t want help or to use birthday money. I wanted to use my own money for it.

Another thing that makes it important to me is the symbolism of independence and empowerment. I wore a ring for a long time from someone in which I depended on for way too much. I was depending on somebody to buy me things, take me out all the time, and make me happy. Something that my Mom has told me more than once is to not depend on someone else to make me happy. That is what I was doing for a long time. It was as if it had gotten deep into me and it has taken quite some time and experience to undo that and learn how to make myself happy. Now I am so much better at being on my own, being independent, strong and empowered.

When I first thought about the idea of getting myself a ring from Tiffany’s, it almost seemed like a radical one. How many girls do something like that? This made me reflect on the views and ideas of society and how it works. Are we supposed to wait until we find a great guy that is willing to buy us one? It kind of seems crazy to me. Sometimes I do feel a little odd when I tell people that I bought myself a ring because it doesn't seem like a normal thing to do. Maybe I am a little weird to do that according to society standards, but I am okay with that because I wanted to prove to myself that I could save up and work hard for it and that I can be independent and make myself happy. I don’t really have time to wait around for a guy to buy me one either. Let’s just try something simple like going on a date and I’ll be happy with that. And I can’t help that I like the ring and I think it’s pretty!

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel