This post is also published online by Thought Catalog as my very first online publish. One of the first inspirations for The B&G Series.
…
As women, we typically hate the Other Girl. When
we find out our boyfriend was seeing someone else, we tend to not like the Other
Girl more than him. But, the farther I get away from what happened to me when I
was cheated on and when my friends have been left for someone else, I see
clearer. I have found my anger and hatred turn into sadness. I have become sad
and feel bad for this particular Other Girl.
At first, we don’t take into account that this guy probably wasn’t
honest with her. He wasn’t honest to you, so what would make him any more
honest in the situation with the Other Girl? We don’t know what they were fed
too. We ate up his lies, so can you blame her too? We can say, “It was clear we
were in a relationship on Facebook!” But who knows what he was telling her. He
could have been telling her problems in your relationship (real or fake) and that
he would be breaking up with you next week. We don’t know.
When we become sober from the toxic relationship that we were in and
when we are healing our hearts, we finally see those red flags and negative
things we hadn’t picked up before. We now see the things our family and friends
would try to warn us about. Maybe he was controlling. Maybe manipulative. Or
maybe he was too immature or just simply not good enough for us. But we scoffed,
rolled our eyes, and cued the stream of excuses for him because we seem to be
good at that. Making excuses for significant others.
Now that you can finally see what type of person you had been
dealing with, the Other Girl doesn’t seem so bad. Yes, there is some caddy
Other Girls. They can do petty things such as start “liking” all of his
Facebook updates the moment he changes his relationship status as if they had
been waiting for days to do so. You can be annoyed, just don’t let it get to
you too much.
But now, I may be feeling too
sad for them. I should care less what happens with the Other Girl and her new
boyfriend. It’s none of my business and not my problem now, right? But I can’t
help to get a little sad knowing a girl got a second-hand, unoriginal proposal
when I know it was the same plan he had made with my friend he was in a serious
relationship with just months before.
It’s a little haunting to see your ex not be able to look at this
Other Girl the same way he did with you. With love and pride that you are his.
She doesn’t get that. She doesn’t have a cute story of how they met and started
their relationship. It’s overshadowed by lies and unfaithfulness. Or her
version of the story might be totally different than his. The air of dishonesty
may lurk for a long time. She might forever wonder if the same thing will
happen to her. She may be living self-consciously.
As the girls that have been cheated on, we can be pissed. Our
feelings can be hurt. We can think she won and that we came in second. We can
say she took our love away and our dreams we had with a man we thought was the
one. And we can hate that she took away our sex too.
We can spend all night trying to figure out how she could be better
than us. Because we think she must be if he is with her over us, right? No. I
have come to find that I’d rather think about all the wonderful things I gained
instead. How much life became better.
I think about the numerous people I have met, the trips I have taken,
the adventures I have been on, the drunken nights I have had with my best
friends, and all the times I have danced my heart out. I think about all the
first kisses I’ve gotten to experience and the dates I’ve been on. I think
about all the things I’ve learned I could do on my own and how it feels
empowering. The things that would have never happened had I still been with
him. I smile. Because my life became a lot more fun once I closed the door.
There are no more fights. I am no longer changing my dreams for
someone else and no longer boxed in. I am not being controlled or manipulated. There
are simply no more lies from him. The Other Girl now gets to wonder what the
truth is. She has his insecurities and selfishness. She’s chained down now.
So I sit here. My heart can’t help but feel sad for these Other
Girls. Maybe I am too nice, as I have been told. Maybe I don’t like seeing
girls in that same dreadful position I once was in. But I also sit here wanting to thank the Other Girl for hurting me. I want to thank her for taking it all away
and setting me free.
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