SEXY

Right now I am attracted to the word, SEXY.

I found myself the other morning, riding along the golf course pondering the word and what I think is sexy and also what makes me feel sexy. And you know, when I get caught up on a word, concept, or idea, I have to explore. And I wanted to talk about it too. So I started contacting friends. I contacted close girlfriends, my best guy friends, my writer friends, friends from out of state, different ages, and more. So…

What do you think of when you read or hear the word, sexy?

Okay, I have to throw out what the dictionary says to get us warmed up. I have to say, the definitions kind of made me fall in love with the word even more. It gives it the exciting appeal I like and “glamorous” was included, so who isn’t surprised, my girly heart was a little delighted? Also, please take note to the example sentences. (LOL)

Now we have a taste. I have recently subscribed [finally] to Cosmopolitan and Glamour. Cosmo pretty much always has the cover girl in a sexy outfit with a fierce face to compliment it. They also have a monthly page, “Sexy vs. Skanky” and these magazines are always coming out with more and more tips on how to be and feel sexy.

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But now, I want to slow down and really think about what it means and how my fellow friends interpret it. We are bombarded with the idea in numerous ways through mass media and seem to be going through life at a fast pace. I don’t know if we think about concepts such as this enough, let alone talk about it with each other. So I am talking. With you and other friends. And what I’ve been getting from you is fascinating. Ready?

First thing is first…the word is very SUBJECTIVE. Which makes it messy…but fun! So here we go!

Key words that stuck out in conversations

small    CONFIDENT   curves   fit   pErSoNaLiTy   attractive   dress   presentation   desire   alluring   attitude 

SEXY WOMEN

It wasn’t too much of a shocker to me that friends, male and female, usually talked about women first when talking about the word. Even though, People has the yearly “Sexiest Man Alive” issue, we tend to correlate the word to women and feminine things.

I found that guys tend to link their imaginations to what they consider sexy. Nick Welker told me, “Show a little, but not all of it” and Dane Haller said, “To show ‘sexy’ is to sometimes NOT show it.” Bryan Adams shared with me a depiction of a certain situation with a girl and elaborated; “Only getting down to the underwear though. Like, I know it’s in my mind, but it’s always sexy leaving something to the imagination.”

LADY CONFESSION on feeling sexy: “When I wear my best panties and bra with an outfit. It’s like my secret to myself.” --- Nicole Woods

negatives - - -

“As much as I hate to say this…A woman that a man looks at as a piece of meat.” --- Kirsten Zamarripa

Just about everything has pros and cons. I am glad people didn’t shy away from the negatives of the word. For some, they would rather be called beautiful over sexy and feel as though they just don’t fit the “type” to be referred to as sexy. A friend explained she isn’t the biggest fan of the word because to her when a guy uses the word, it means he doesn’t want anything more than what is usually correlated with. Which leads me to another friend pointing out that it means “of or relating to sex” and that it has a negative connotation to her. These things can hold people back from using the word or becoming uncomfortable talking about it. And that's fair enough.

SEXY MEN

Do men feel sexy? I asked about the men a lot since women came up more often. And I found men do NOT like referring to themselves as sexy. BUT they are definitely capable of feeling sexy. Nick explained, “When they’re in their element. Like, when I’m dressed good and in a situation where I’m making people laugh, it’s good.” For Bryan Adams, simple things such as rolling up the sleeves on a button up shirt and a good hair day can make him feel sexy.

A guy’s initial response to my first question: “Honestly? A fit girl at the gym working out as hard as the guys do.” --- Mike Vaughn

The Ambitious Confidence

.    confidence   .   confidence   .   confidence   .   confidence   .   confidence   .   confidence   .  

Confidence was definitely the most used word in conversation and I loved it.

Ambition was a reoccurring idea and that was awesome to see too. Ambition and confidence go together because, well, you need confidence to be ambitious. After Nick’s initial response, he added, “But then there’s also an inherent sexiness of a girl that knows what she wants and does it.”

“When a person just knows what they like and what they want, that shows.” --- Eden Tullis

COLORS: Red. A little black dress doesn’t hurt either.

The Look

I’ve attempted poems just about it, I’ve mentioned it in other poems, and might even dedicate a post just about “the look” because I love it that much. So I was thrilled when people mentioned it in their responses.

“But there are also subtle sexiness in things. Like the way a woman looks at me a certain way.” --- Tim Bartley

There is something sexy about a crush that goes deeper than eye contact when they look at you. It’s as if they are telling things to your heart without even having to actually say anything.

Sexy in relationships

With this, I have wondered if people feel sexier when they are in a relationship or if you can still be sexy in relationships and so on. How do they play a factor in the word, sexy?

From personal experience, as thrilling as it is to attract someone new randomly, it feels more special to be sexy for someone that means a lot to me and when they can make me feel sexy too.

My dear friend, Rachel Marshall, talked about situations in which your significant other makes you feel like you’re the only person in a crowded room and when you’re alone it’s as if “all other surroundings fade to nothingness.” She also finds little things like being in public and having his hand around her waist or on her leg when they are sitting down to be sexy. Spontaneous kisses are good too!

Vince Townsend pointed out that he never uses the word to try to pick up a girl because he thinks that when guys use it in the beginning stages, it can turn a girl off. To him, when you are in a relationship, it holds more weight because it shows her that she is still attractive to him.

What I personally find sexy:

just a big t-shirt and nice underwear   .   a fresh manicure   .    humor   .   showering while having U2 playing   .   a gorgeous & supportive bra   .   curly hair   .   the look   .   legs   .  heels   .

red lipstick   .   intelligence   .   ambition    .   Justin Timberlake    .    sweat     .    a dress that wears your curves   .   scruff   .   Katy Perry

In 2006, Justin Timberlake released the song, “SexyBack” and as I thought about this subject, I’ve wondered what had left? Maybe ownership of the word was lacking and it needed to be freed. He definitely opened the door to sexy with numerous songs about it and what goes along with it. And I am glad.

Had songs from this album on repeat while creating this post!

Kenzie Templeton told me she loves the word. “It’s simple yet sophisticated and it captures so many things in one instance. Sometimes when you try to describe something, ‘beautiful’ or ‘gorgeous’ just seems so lackluster and cliché, but sexy never gets old and it is always perfect.” Dane Haller said, “It’s a powerful word. Very commanding.”

Since thinking about the word and talking to others about it, I fell even more in love with it. As controversial as it can be and how closely related it is to the 3-letter-word, I love all the things that it encompasses. The feelings, the things, the ideas. There are sparks, colors, empowerment, confidence, and more that come along with it. We can let it be negative and that is fine. Everyone’s fancy is tickled differently. But I’m deciding to own it and run with it. We choose what we do with words and how we react to them. And to me, sexy feels good.

Thank you to everyone that was willing to have these conversations with me. You guys enlighten me and make writing even better.

I think the sprinkles on top to this post is something Josie Peterson said in her response that sums it up pretty well. 

"I may not be a size 2, but I feel like I'm sexy when I get up in front of people and sing. I feel like I'm sexy when I stand up for what I believe in because when it comes down to it, sexy is just a sense of confidence in yourself. If you rock what you're wearing, and what you're doing, you can be as sexy as you want!"

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel