Where you are in your life vs. where
you thought you would be at this point
If you had asked me as I
was about to start my sophomore year in college, where I would be in the Fall
of 2014, I would have told you that I would be engaged and planning a wedding
to my high school sweetheart and that hopefully I was a speech teacher and
forensics coach at a high school. Kids would probably be in my mind in the next
year or two. We would already have potential names picked out. I was set and
good to go. It was all planned out.
Where I actually am in
Fall 2014: I am single, not a teacher or forensics coach, I am still growing,
and not ready just yet for kids soon.
I’ve gone back to that
time in my life when I thought I had the future planned out and now I kind of
get this feeling of suffocation. It looks like I was boxing myself in from a
lot of things and a lot of potential. There was going to be a point when I would
become stuck. Another scary thought is, I was seriously thinking and basing
really big decisions, such as my major in college, on visions of a future that
were about as solid as thin air. I was starting to create dreams that actually
weren’t really all the way mine and I would tie them to someone who could
easily cut them off and take them away with him. And that’s exactly what he
did.
But, it was one of the
best things to happen to me yet.
Since I was so wrapped up
in that relationship for so long, I always thought about us, we, and him. There was barely anymore me, myself, and I. After having my world turned upside down, it was
finally when I became stripped down, raw, and down to it, just Rachel Marshall.
I had my identity back. The whiteboard was erased and I started living and
growing on my own scribbling dreams and taking notes.
I can say 100% confidently
that my life is way more beautiful and exciting than I had imagined for myself
back then and that is a wonderful feeling. It’s been a great lesson for me to
learn that I can’t possibly plan everything and whatever I try to vision for my
future is most likely going to be different, but even better. Had things worked
out the way I had planned, I would have missed out on amazing adventures, fun
late nights, awesome trips, mistakes that were made, lessons that were learned,
friendships that were formed, and heartaches that were felt. Those magical movie moments
and poems that I’ve written would not have existed. I probably wouldn't have held the leadership roles that I held. I wouldn't have stretched myself to my fullest potential. I wouldn’t be competing in
Miss Kansas USA. Probably wouldn’t be doing things I love. Now that’s a scary
feeling. I am thankful that things happen for a reason and for all the things
that have happened to me all the way up to this point in my life.
I would pick where I am
today over where I thought I would be right now every damn time.
I have liked this quote for quite some time now. It shows me that I can't possibly plan every single thing. And I must say that the life I had waiting for me in 2011 was bitter at first, but turned into the sweetest thing ever. I am glad I learned to let go.
Sparkle&Shine.
Rachel
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