Sunday Sprinkle: him + me

him + me 

a lot of initials have been carved

into me over the years

they are now scars on my bark

I used to be beautifully untouched

until there was me + him

first mark

[him + me] [me + him]

that’s what I thought they’d be

black letters etched

they have collected on my trunk

a trail has been worn around me

a romantic gesture permanently traced

Pine Needles

Fall has proven to be the most bitter, but also the sweetest season for me. As much as I love to feel the change in the air as it turns crisp on my face, it also reminds me of the pain I've experienced the past few years during this time.

Having my heart broken, experiencing a death that still feels too fresh, feeling lost, being unhappy. But it's tied to memories of making history, being crowned Homecoming Queen at a University that captured my heart, accomplishing huge feats, and well...being happy.

I've experienced the most extreme emotions on each side of the scale in this season. It can be overwhelming to feel them both at the same time.

This time is no different. It started brewing toward the end of August when I had adopted a cat with Anna, got my first major credit card, and bought my first car all in one week. I started enduring a lot of growing pains and the real world started to take its toll on me.

I've been one to run myself ragged and one Friday, I had to cancel plans with a friend because I was so drained and unhappy, that I needed some time with myself. Around that same time, I had gone outside of work to call my mom and ended up crying and breaking down because I was utterly overwhelmed and to the point that I was starting to become sick due to stress. I had to take the afternoon off of work to personally take care of myself.

September seemed to have a theme that anything and everything would go wrong. Things weren't working like they should be and processes weren't going smoothly. Stuff just wasn't going right.

Yet again, before dinner at my parents, after filling out tedious paperwork, I broke down in tears when I told my mom that my pay day was messed up and I was only paid for the week of labor day instead of the two weeks I should have been paid for. I was going to have to wait another couple weeks until my next pay day to get it all corrected. That labor day week wasn't even going to cover rent and my student loan bill I had due the coming days. I crunched numbers, I used savings, I budgeted, and I said no to things. I made it work.

I've wanted to write about those tough times for awhile because we tend to post our highlight reels on social media. Rarely, do we, and especially myself, like to admit when we are struggling or just simply unhappy. But we are human. Things happen. And that's okay.

My Instagram doesn't show you when I am sad or crying it out.  

Luckily, I am a firm believer in balance. There was no way I would continue to have shitty challenging stuff piling on my plate forever. Thankfully, October has deemed itself a happier month.

With the stress and unhappy emotions I was dealing with, I was glad to be going out of town for a vacation I knew I would later thank myself for booking on a whim. I didn't tell many people. I didn't make it a huge deal. I wanted it to be more of my own. My personal vacation. On a Wednesday night, I walked down the dark halls of MCI and flew out to Colorado.

I stayed with a good friend and spent the weekend in Estes Park. I hiked for the first time (5 hours, I might add!) and I was happy to do so in the Rocky Mountains. During college, I noticed that nature seemed to have a healing power over my soul whenever I was in a busy season or having a hard time. I could take a deep breath as I was surrounded my grass, trees, mountains, and I could just be.

 

My makeup didn't leave my bag once. The dresses I packed stayed folded. Heck, I didn't even shave once. I worked on 4 different poems. I started a book and got to page 100 by the end of the trip, which is a huge feat for me. I got to hang out with myself. I got to cry. And write more. I drank wine. I ate s'mores. I played games. And wrote some more.

During my trip, I was also visited with my high school English teacher. It had been years. Within minutes of seeing her, she said, "I have a book for you" and handed it to me to take. We talked for an hour and by the end, I felt like I took a shot of life--straight; with no chasers. My soul felt renewed and refreshed from being around a past piece of myself. A woman whom I realized was one of the first influences to my feminist nature.

We discussed books, education, racial issues, and she thanked me for not having kids just yet.

 

Between her and the nature, it was like I used pine needles to insert life back into my veins. As I walked the trails, I kept opening my spirit and telling inspiration and ideas that I am open for service and I wanted their biz. I drank and ate the rocks, the water, the mountains and everything in between so I could fuel my soul as much as possible.

I was no longer feeling stagnant. I arrived at the Denver airport in a long sleeve, yoga pants, tall Nike socks, no make up, hair in a low bun, and I took myself to a restaurant & brewery and while I waited for my flight, I indulged on wings and a big tall beer. Because I could. Because I wanted to.

Traveling and going through an airport alone is one thing that just really excites me inside. I feel like I walk a little taller and there is an extra pep in my step. It's a form of freedom that's hard to explain. While I was hiking the mountains, I was sort of in awe of my life and myself in that moment.

I am not defined by someone else. There wasn't permission that I needed granted in order to be there. I paid my ticket. I was doing what I wanted. Because I could. Because I wanted to. And that felt quite empowering.

Life is tough. And they aren't trying to yank your chain about the real world. Believe them on that one. Shake things up. Go to a different place for a bit. Renew, recharge, refresh. The seasons help with that. They are gentle reminders that we need change. Fall and I have a special bond. She tells me with her crisp breeze on my face.

From your Rocky Mountain Mermaid,

Sunday Sprinkle: Somewhere Out There

Somewhere Out There

            Standing on my balcony in Kansas

and the most I hear is the hum of a generator,

a couple random birds, and an obnoxious duck.

The quietest my life has been since I don’t even know.

            It’s a Saturday night, too.

My soul doesn’t know how to stand still like the tree I’m seeing.

In this quiet concrete moment, I know there are thousands

of people in stadiums watching a game. My soul can hear the bustle of traffic

and people trying to find a parking spot in the city. She can hear

the clank of dishes and glasses being served at ritzy restaurants and busy bars.

            Ah, the mood lighting.

Someone is tasting sweet wine on their lipstick lips.

And some guy has his eye on her.

But no drop of makeup on me tonight.

Instead of a tight short skirt that’s worn by ladies across the world,

            it’s tight yoga pants for me.

I may not be participating in the world tonight, but I wonder

if I’m running through someone’s thoughts or if my name is being said

            or sitting on someone’s tongue.

Is someone thinking about sending me a text,

but deleting it before they press send? Is someone wishing

I were right there next to them laughing and carrying on? Does someone want me

to tell them a story right now?

            Does someone’s bed feel empty?

Are my pictures being looked at and are my words being read?

I might not be out there tonight, but part of my soul is somewhere out there.

She’s out there as someone is having a first kiss and others are

stumbling out of bars drunk and getting into cabs.

            She’s out there.

Floating across time zones. She left me at home. She knows I need the rest.

Sunday Sprinkle: X.X.

X.X.

a smile for you, Jake

I.

One day after class, we sat on my couch and we resembled

high schoolers in college-kid bodies the way we sat side-by-side

and flirted and giggled. And how he doodled two stick-figure people

on my thigh with his pen from school. One of the characters had

real tall hair. I took a picture of it and didn’t wash it off right away.

II.

With a cheesy horror flick on that he rented for us,

we laid on the living room floor atop my pink quilt blanket.

I laid on my stomach as I talked to him.

My finger gently tracing the tattoo on the inside of his arm – JG

It was the night he kissed me for the first time.

III.

I was standing on the patio of the bar he had first recommended

to me months before. Before he started working there.

The bar I went out to for the very first time.

He was working that night as a bouncer.

He came out the door to the patio charging straight toward me.

Almost the way he would if he saw a fight beginning.

Without saying a word, he pulled me in and gave me a big kiss.

It felt like to him I was the only girl there. The only one that mattered.

IV.

In the back alley of the bar, I was about to walk home with a friend

and he snuck away from his job and he kissed me quickly and told

her to protect me and keep me safe, “because she is awesome,” he said.

V.

After he helped me load up my car for my summer back home,

we stood in the living room of my place and I had my arms around his neck.

I kissed those big lips of his and his gorgeous smile.

I put my hands on his cheeks to feel the scruff on his face

and he asked, “Are you going to miss me?”

My head shook the biggest yes it could.

Long before I knew the kind of missing it would be.

Apartment Life: My Bathroom

The shower curtain. 

Out of all the things that I was buying and envisioning as I was putting together my room, closet, and bathroom, the damn shower curtain had me the most stressed out. Why?

I had searched websites and I had gone to multiple Targets and tried Bed Bath & Beyond thinking these stores would surely have something that would win me over. I knew that since I was already incorporating a lot of dark and neutral colors with my room and closet, I wanted my bathroom to be bright and colorful. They should have that, right?

No. Nothing. I couldn't find anything that made me happy inside and I wasn't in a mood to settle. And it was getting complicated trying to find other bathroom necessities when I didn't have the focal point to work from. I was soon in crunch time mode too.

Of course, I naturally fell in love with a company, DENY Designs, that happens to be on the higher price range for shower curtains. High enough to where I wasn't sure if I could justify paying that much for a shower curtain.

But I got lucky.

It just so happened to be 4th of July weekend when I was trying to make my final decision when they were having a sweet sale to celebrate the holiday. I still kept going back and forth, but it just seemed meant to be!

So I searched their website for hours on a couple different occasions that weekend because DENY's selection is that big and there are so many patterns that I loved. It was a tough decision. I also was worried about the quality of the shower curtain. The pictures on the site make it hard to visualize. I even looked up reviews and blogs to double make sure.

I finally pulled the plug, picked the pattern, used the sale, and soon my shower curtain was in just in time for the move!

I was also able to get the rest of my bathroom decor and loved that there were so many colors to pull from. I definitely achieved the vision I dreamed up. So let's get to the details!

Shower Curtain - DENY Design in "Some Hearts" pattern

Shower hooks - Target

Soap dispenser - Target

Toothbrush holder - Target

White and blue bathroom rugs - IKEA (Only $9.99 each! And they are super soft!)

Towels - Target

Trashcan - The Container Store

Drawer/sink organizers - The Container Store

Since I splurged on the shower curtain, I kept it simple and inexpensive on the rest of the necessities and decor.

I love my shower hooks! I think they add a little extra feminine feel to the bathroom. They even give off a cool glow in certain lighting.

If you haven't experienced The Container Store yet, you need to. Especially if you are a lover of organization, this place will give you some feels. It has all sorts of organization mechanisms for every place in your home. I picked up these organization blocks to put in my drawer so everything has its place and I am not fumbling through hair ties and other random things to find a bobby pin in a hurry!

I bought bigger blocks for under my sink to hold other little bathroom goodies from lady products, bubble bath, razors, lotions, etc. The Container Store also has dividers for these cubes. I have one that separates my miscellaneous things from my nail care products.

So far my bathroom has been turning into a Taylor Swift bathroom. I have my huge frame in which I switched the poster to the reverse side of her with a bunch of colorful balloons from her Speak Now World Tour. I recently purchased a photo from her 1989 World Tour and put it in a sparkly frame that was given to me by a BFF. It just seemed to fit well and I still needed something to go above my towel rack. I am thinking of somehow incorporating lyrics from her song "Clean," to go above the doorway!

That's a look at my bathroom and some backstory on how it came to be. I still think there is more to be added, but I love how it has come together so far! What cool features does your bathroom have?

Things I Could Do List

I can finally stop resisting fall and fully embrace it now that it actually began last week. I have already tried a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte for the first time and I even tried their brand new Toasted Graham Latte the day it came out. My nails are a dark purple and our fall "Welcome" mat is now on our doorstep. So let's proceed to the good stuff.

I am one of those suckers for changes in seasons and new months and heck, sometimes new weeks. My life has been far from chill and alone time has been non-existent. This last weekend though, I finally booked a weekend for myself and said no to pretty much any invite that came my way. This included 3 different P&L happy hours, I might add.

So last weekend I decided to devote its entirety to getting s#!t stuff done as well as letting myself relax and do things I love. By the end of it, I was feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and accomplished. But how did I keep myself on track?

Lists are a love of mine. I need them. So my cluttered brain can remember what the heck I need to do and to help my distracted mind stay somewhat focused. Over the weekend, I had some errands I had to run and things I did have planned at a certain time, but the rest was going to be guided by my "Things I Can Do This Weekend" list.

It was broken into categories: Errands, Blog, Adulting, Random

I wrote down anything and everything I could think of that I have been wanting to get done for months, had put off, or just wanted to do. As soon as I got home from work that Friday, I excitedly hung it up on the fridge and happily highlighted things I completed as I finished them. It was a nice visual and a great central place to be seen and reminded.

One thing I really like about this idea, this list, is that it wasn't so daunting being called a "to-do" list where it makes me feel like I have to get everything done. It's a "things I could do" list. I had all these things I could do and refer to throughout the weekend. There was no way I could have any time to be bored.

I didn't get every single thing done, but I did accomplish a lot and even more that wasn't on the list too. I enjoyed my weekend so much and loved the feeling of tackling a bunch of stuff finally. So I made you your own "Things I Could Do" list that you can use for a weekend or a whole week. Whatever time frame would work best for your schedule!

Feel free to save the image or if you prefer to have a PDF version, give me your email in the comment section below or contact me at thegirlygirl@theglitterylife.com and I will send it your way!

Let me know how your list goes and how you feel afterward!

That One Time I Wanted a Bloody Mary

I just wanted a damn Bloody Mary.

It was a rough week of work. Friday rolled around finally and I wanted to satisfy my craving for a Bloody Mary. I was going to get one even if it meant achieving it alone. I was supposed to have a date that night and he had cancelled again. So I really was going to do what I wanted because that kind of stuff can't stop, won't stop me.

As soon as I got home, I threw on a dress and freshened up my lipstick and hair. Then I made my way to Yard House all by myself and I walked in and told the hostess it was just me and I wanted to sit outside on the patio. It would be a 45 minute wait. I told her I would go shop and come back and I took that black brick so it could buzz at me when they were ready and thew it in my purse.

I made my way to Off Broadway shoes store and started trying on an array of high heels that I had my eyes on. I was trying to get my strappy sandals back on so I could start making my way back to Yard House when all of the sudden one of the straps broke. Completely broke. I looked at the time and frantically thought, well I am in a shoe store, surely I can buy a pair of sandals real quick! 

Hobbling around with a broken sandal, I went down the isles and tried a couple on, but couldn't find a pair that I loved and would actually spend $40+ on. I kept checking the time knowing that any minute, they would be trying to buzz that black brick, but I wouldn't know because I was way down the way at another store.

So I decided I would suck it up and take myself back to Yard House with my broken shoe. I hurried as much as I could in the done-for-sandal with the heat of the summer sun making me start to sweat. I made my way down the front hall of Yard House and waited.

I looked around me and finally noticed all the couples and the groups of girls. There was a huge country concert that would be happening that night. Couples dressed up nicely. Girls with their perfectly fresh blonde curls, cute outfits, and boots to go with them.

Here I was; frazzled, hot, standing there waiting wearing my broken sandal. I wore a bright dress and my short brown hair was fiercely slicked back.

I started to get uncomfortable. But I had gone out to eat alone plenty of times! I told myself. But it wasn't on a Friday night, in a dress, full makeup, surrounded by people that aren't like me. I was so frustrated with how the week went and even that past hour. I wanted to ditch the whole plan and just go home.

I knew I couldn't though. I had craved and wanted a Bloody Mary so much. There was no way I was going to let the shoe mishap, the cancelled date, and the other dates that were actually happening win. I knew I was so much stronger than that.

So after waiting longer and longer, I finally asked the hostess what was up. Why hadn't I been seated yet? They had indeed tried buzzing that black brick while I was gone, but I was too far away for it to work. Then they continued on down the list. They finally were able to sit me outside on the patio. And boy, did I order that Bloody Mary and even a salad.

On that summer Friday night, I sat a table by myself among tables of couples and girls with their best friends as I caught up on messages. Messages from friends in different states. No matter if I am physically alone, I always have friends across the US in the palm in my hand. That evening, I was giving my input on wedding outfit ideas for a couple of my close guy friends miles away.

I took my notebook out of my purse, grabbed a pen, and started writing and brainstorming ideas for my blog while I sat at the table eating and drinking to my delight.

I already knew this would be good writing material.#NeverADullMoment

The night I got my damn Bloody Mary

Unboxing Our Social Causes

I like people.

As I have grown and dabbled in “the real world,” I know other humans that would cringe or think I am crazy to actually like and enjoy people.

I also care.

Put those two statements together and you have me declaring that I care about people.

My high school and college experiences and beyond have shown me that diversity is important to me, anyone should be able to love whomever they want to freely, and that girl power is awesome.

As a little girl, I didn’t exactly pick social causes and human rights issues that I would care about. Experiences and people influenced me.

Actor, Matt McGorry wrote an article, "How Becoming A Feminist Felt Like Falling In Love" for Cosmopolitan and explains how he unexpectedly became a feminist.

"Much like finding someone to love, you can't really know what to look for in a social cause until it crosses your path. You can use all the words that you want to describe what you're looking for, but at the end of the day, when you find the right one at the right point in your life, you'll know."

That’s how I felt when I eventually found myself leading an organization for women that strongly aligned with being a feminist. I barely knew what it meant to be a feminist, but I was embodying it more and more whether I knew it or not.

While I have accepted and have been labeled a feminist by others, I have recently been pondering and liking the idea of taking on the role of a humanist.

Humanist – (n.) a person with a strong concern for human welfare, values, and dignity.

Sarah Jessica Parker explains it beautifully in her interview for the August issue of Cosmopolitan.

“As [playwriting] Wendy Wasserstein would say, I’m a humanist. I’m enormously appreciative of the work that my mother’s generation did. We are the beneficiaries of a lot of disappointment, heartache, discouragement, and misunderstanding. But I see a lot of people trying to sort out their roles. People of color, gays, lesbians, and transgenders who are carving out this space. I’m not spitting in the face or being lazy about what still needs to be done – but I don’t think it’s just women anymore. We would be so enormously powerful if it were a humanist movement.”

I’ve endured a lot of pain and grief as an ally to African-Americans and the LGBT communities because I have seen circumstances impact people in my personal life. I’ve cried when they have been discriminated, disrespected, and bullied. And I’ve tried to provide love, support, a voice, and my words.

I read the frustrated posts from my fellow classmates and Sumner alumni when it came to Ferguson and the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

I have listened to struggles gay and lesbian couples have endured from not being treated equally compared to other couples.

And man, do I know quite a few beautiful gay African-American men with raw talents and fabulous souls. In our society, you would think they have two big “disadvantages.” And that’s a shame.

This is what I want people to start thinking about. Taking on a humanist point of view. Where you aren’t just boxed into one movement. 

I cried over and over the day the Supreme Court ruled gay marriage to be legal in all 50 states for multiple reasons. I was beyond thrilled that the day finally came and a lot sooner than I had imagined. But soon after, I was writing in defense of a dear gay friend on Facebook when an African-American past classmate of ours was not exactly being supportive.

My heart was breaking to think that someone who has been wrestling with the issues in the African-American community wasn’t being positive about a major breakthrough in another community that has also struggled and battled through the years. It had to be turned into a comparison of who has endured the most pain and fought the bigger battles.

We as people have become great at comparing apples to oranges. We are good at pointing fingers. Imagine what we could do if we spent that time on positive energy and change.

Let’s cross over the fences of our boxes to our neighbors and hug them when they feel defeated and give them a high-five when they achieve a victory. The warmth and love should feel comforting whether it’s coming from a person of a different color, sexual orientation, or man.

A good friend of mine once told me, “I also can't even describe how phenomenal you are for even caring about the things that you don't have to.” That had never occurred to me.

Matt McGorry explains this position well:

“Even now, I acknowledge that my own privilege affords me the luxury of this cushy and positive outlook on fighting inequalities and injustices. I have the choice to confront these issues — they aren't implicit in my life due to my gender, the color of my skin, my sexual preference, or any other parts of who I am as a person.”

I may get looked at for being the girl that doesn’t have to worry about other people’s battles and that it’s easy for me to cheer while on the sidelines. But it’s not. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I may have an upper hand compared to some of my friends. It’s not fun for me to see my friends hurt. And I also don’t forget that I am a woman and still experience my own inequalities and discrimination based on my gender.

But for those that are privileged for whatever reason they may be, I encourage you to use your privileges for the good of others. Put it to use. You may not know what you are capable of doing and how much you can make an impact on other people’s lives even if it’s as simple as providing a listening ear or showing up for someone else.

My ears are listening. My eyes are reading. My heart is feeling. My humanist yard is open.

Filled with love, from a big-hearted ally,

Sunday Sprinkle: (A Sketch)

This is a sketch of a poem I started earlier this year. I wanted to show you all the starting points. I hope to eventually add to this and play with more nature-like comparisons. Once it is revised and polished, you can see the differences and evolution of the poem. 

Title is still yet to be imagined

You're a big gulp of fresh air.
The kind after a spring rain that lasts all day.
When the lungs are woken up from winter.

You're the breath that's caught
after stepping out of the car for the night.
When you look up at the sky sprinkled with stars.

You're the vines I want to get tangled up in.
The ones that grow together.

Sunday Sprinkle: 'Round Midnight by Kim Addonizio

Poem by Kim Addonizio

'Round Midnight 

In the book I’m reading: hard rain,
spike heels on pavement,
a man waiting in a rented room

to draw a woman down onto his bed.
She’s the wrong woman,
she’s a car wreck in a silk dress

and he can’t wait to touch her.
No plot without desire,
the more desperate the better.

I look up to find that here, too,
it’s raining. And now that I’m back
in my own quiet life

I feel like a character who’s barely
been imagined yet, just a name
wearing a faded T-shirt,

reaching for her glass of cold wine.
If only the river would surge into the streets,
if only a tree would uproot itself

or the roof fly off in a funnel of black wind.
Such is my life: A minute ago I was happy,
immersed in a book. Now I feel misery

only violence could cure. Now
I have to invent a story
to drag me out into the city,

toward music and grainy light
and the wrong men, I have to discover
what it is that I want

And who I’m going to have to hurt to get it.