On Being The Girl That Dated That One Guy

"Weren't you guys talking for awhile?" 

I've got my drink in my hand and now I am wondering how this person would even know if I had talked to a certain guy or not.

For years my dating life has on display. With some of it, I've been very public and other stuff I've tried to be really private. But growing up in a town where everyone seems to be connected and going to college in a smaller town, people tend to find things out. And sometimes even I don't know how.

And even now in the present when I am in a relationship, my past is still asked about.

I'm still the girl that dated that one guy. And also the girl that talked to that one guy for awhile. I can't wait for the day where it's not, "Rachel Marshall, the girl that dated him and talked to him" label. I am dreaming of the day where it's "Rachel Marshall, the girl that does cool stuff. The girl that gets stuff done. The girl that inspires."

I guess I've come to find out that it bothers me to be tied to guys as my identifier. I want to be known more for my work. My passions. I want people to inquire about my creativity, my projects. Heck, gossip about my blog posts. Not my ex-boyfriend. I don't want to be solely tied to boys and dating.

It seems that women deal with this societal issue of relationships and dating. Great examples would be so much press coverage over Taylor Swift's past relationships even if she has been with Calvin Harris for a year, who Selena Gomez is dating now, and if Kourtney Kardashian is hooking up with Justin Bieber or not.

Yes, I dated him. Yep, I talked to him. Now let's talk about my latest article or my new adventure in Mary Kay or the chapbook I am trying to put together for a contest. Anything other than ghosts of my past.

Hotline Bling: The Woman

Inspiration tapped me on the shoulder while I heard "Hotline Bling" by Drake on the way to work one morning. She asked, wouldn't it be cool if you did a female version that was from the woman's side? You should write that. Tweak and change some of the lyrics that will keep the song intact, but the perspective will be totally different from the woman's view. And so I obeyed. I did just that. This is what I produced.

Hotline Bling: The Woman

I used to call you on your

I used to, I used to…

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city,

I got a reputation for myself now

And I’ve wanted you to find out

A matter of time, you'd know somehow

‘Cause ever since you left the city,

I started wearing less and goin’ out more

Tryin’ to numb the heart that you left torn

With glasses of champagne out on the dance floor

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city, I, I, I

I’m just trying to go along

Like I’m fine and there’s nothing wrong

Going places, wanting to belong

Ever since you left the city,

I, I, I’ve been wanting something more

Running out of pages in my passport

Trying to find love I’ve never felt before

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

These days, all you do is

Wonder if I’m runnin’ my hands down the back of someone else

Wonder if I’m rollin’ over to kiss the lips of someone else

Doing things you showed me, gettin’ sexy for someone else

I don’t need no one else

I don’t need nobody else, no

Why do I feel alone?

Why do I always have to go?

Used to always stay at home, be a good girl

I was in a zone, yeah,

I should just be by myself

Right now, I’m with someone else

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left me

...

Original lyrics can be found here.

Big Girl Jobs, Cute Boyfriends & Adele's New Album

Phhhhhheeeeeeewwwwwssshhhhhh!

That was just me blowing off the dust on my blog. Holy cats, it's been over a month since I have written to you on here. This post will be more of a life update my list of excuses as to why I haven't blogged.  But for real, once you get done reading, you might understand the hiatus.

The last post was created the week I had off in between jobs. And right before quite a whirlwind weekend spent with someone I like (and also referenced in my last post). So in the month of blog silence, the following happened:

• I started a new job as an event coordinator at Jack Stack Barbecue
• A cute boy asked me to be his girlfriend
• I turned 24
• Justin Bieber, Adele, and Coldplay all dropped new albums 
• Bought a lot of Christmas decorations and decorated the apartment with Anna

First, the job. 

Do you guys miss the "Girly Girl Goes Corporate" rambles? So I went from working at Black & Veatch headquarters that had thousands of employees to the cozy Catering and Private Dining offices of Jack Stack Barbecue. (Funny though, Black & Veatch is one of our biggest clients.) We got brand new cubes and the couple rounds of new office supplies made me feel like it was Christmas. 

Now let me tell you. It has been information overload. I've crammed and learned so much in the last month there. (And have also eaten a lot of barbecue.) So I experienced some growing pains and had to use my patience to learn. Something I have learned is that business is booming and I will never be bored. I will always be busy.  I've come to find that Jack Stack is quite popular and a staple in Kansas City. It's been a great experience so far and a neat Kansas City company to work for. Oh, and I do not work in the restaurants, I have my own cozy cube in an office. :)

My favorite Jack Stack foods so far: Pulled pork, cheesy corn bake (PLEASE try it if you haven't had it before!), loaded baked potato, and I was not lied to when people raved about the burnt ends.

So, the boy.

His name is Jordan. He was born and raised in Iowa and lives in Des Moines. Some may have wondered why I have posted quite a bit about Des Moines. Now you know! Question I get the most: Wait, so, how did you guys meet? Short version: He was in Kansas City back in March for the Big 12 tournament when Iowa State beat KU in the championship. (Sorry, Jayhawks to bring up the sore topic ;) ) He was at P&L celebrating and I was at P&L not for anything related to the basketball tournament. We very randomly met and here I am in a relationship with the guy. Little did I know what that chance meeting would turn into.

So I really did some deep dust scraping on that girlfriend label. This whole relationship thing was new and different for him too, so you should have seen how funny, ridiculous, and awkward we were when trying to figure out how to make it "Facebook official." 

We've been having fun on date nights in our cities and meeting each other's family and friends!

My favorite things about Jordan: How cute he is, he is super smart, and a master of using GIFs in text message conversations. This guy can make me laugh until I cry. 

Now I feel like I need to list my favorite songs off Adele's new album.

My favorite songs off Adele's new album:

1. When We Were Young

2. Remedy

3. Water Under The Bridge

4. Love In The Dark

5. Can't Let Go (Deluxe Album Song)

6. Hello (Because of course.)

If someone said I could only listen to one song off that album forever and ever, I would pick "Can't Let Go."

It's been birthdays on birthdays on birthdays and it's definitely the holiday season. Been spending lots of time with family and friends. I am glad to finally have some time to myself though. Myself has not been on the top of my list lately so I am working to change that and focus a little more on me. :)

Sunday Sprinkle: A Different Way

This piece was created a long time ago. It's amazing how much people can shake you up. It's also amazing all the different emotions one can feel. I've done a lot of mending and when I revisit poems like this, it's weird to think how much my feelings have changed or how intense I felt things at a certain time. Now those feelings are so different. Another moment in time where I can see my growth through past words I wrote. 

A Different Way

My memories of the view from the night sky

of the Pittsburgh lights brings tears to my eyes.

It’s taking my breath away again, but in a different way.

It doesn’t mean I’ll be seeing you shortly;

that you’ll be meeting me at the airport at 11:40.

I won’t be seeing your face, giving you a hug,

and kissing you for the first time in a month.

My heart is missing you again, but in a different way.

I’m wondering if I’ll ever get to walk up to you

as you look and take me in with your eyes.

My eyes miss seeing you in your glasses

that make you look like the college professor you will be.

My mind won’t let me live a day without thinking about you.

What did you do to me?

You held onto me longer than you should.

You didn’t want to let me go; just couldn’t get enough.

I loved you more than I thought I could.

You like to have what you can’t.

I’m missing you again as my man.

Maybe I really am your lady.

You said, “see you soon” and kissed my runny-nosed face

and I didn’t know it would be in a different way.

Pardon the Interruption

Hi, all! If you follow me via social media, you probably have gotten the hint that I moved this past weekend! Let me tell you, I have been excited and exhausted at the same time for dayz. I wanted to drop by and say hi and let you know why the silence on here.

I am hoping to be back in the swing of things next week. We aren't getting Internet until Friday so my computer time is pretty limited. I have lots of future posts lined up from the big move that I can't wait to write and share!

Until then, be sure to follow me on Twitter - @theglitterylife and Instagram - glitterandthegirlygirl to keep up with my #RadicalSelfLoveJuly posts, and life in general, and might as well "like" my Facebook page too while you are at it!

Other cool things you can check out:

This raw read by Mandy Hale on being single
A humorous piece about how there isn't really a "10 Step" process to getting a boyfriend
And if you still haven't watched Justin Bieber in the Where Are U Now video,  please do so!

I am going back to work and daydreaming about being poolside real soon!

Journal Scribble: Needing [& Wanting] Passion

June 1 – My bed

Sometimes I wonder if people think I don’t have feelings. That maybe I’ve been hurt enough to where I’ve turned cold. Or that maybe I am so strong with both feet planted in my beliefs, feelings, and opinions. Maybe that I am stone that never crumbles. That I am never shaken. And that I am one solid Single Woman. I mean, I can be pretty fabulous, but I can also, simply, be a girl.

Yes, I’ve been hurt and sometimes I feel cold. There are times I feel strong, but like any other girl, I can crumble. I can be shaken as much as I can be stone. I can want things and sometimes maybe I need them. I feel things just like you.

…

May 25 – My bed

I need passion. The burning red, burning bright, burning hot kind. I want feelings surging through me and butterflies flying all over my stomach. I want the uncontrollable smile and laughter I can barely contain. I want sweaty palms and anticipation. I want to make out for an hour. I want the breeze of a rainstorm on my face. I want the high. I want to catch him looking at me in that certain kind of way. I want the head over heels, lovey dovey stuff. I want the I miss yous and the when am I going to see yous? I want the long see you laters and goodnights. The hand holding and random kisses. The little names and snuggles on the couch. The can’t stop thinking about him kind of mind. Cute flirty texts and late night phone calls. I want it all.

I want to feel what it is like to be absolutely adored by someone special.

Sunday Sprinkle: All the Time

All the Time

I’ve never had all of you.

But she does. She has you.

All the time.

Except for the when you see me.

When you send me a message or a text.

When you look at me in a certain way.

When I lay next to you.

I can act like I have you

          for that moment.

But it’s not real.

I’m not your reality.

I’m a fantasy.

Maybe even a goddess.

I’m a high.

A fixation.

A sin.

I’m an attraction.

An infatuation.

I might even live in your imagination.

You live in mine.

Because all I can do is imagine a real life with you.

Just you and me.

All the time.

Why Relationships Need to Drop the "Other Half" Talk

You have seen it. In fact, I am certain I have done it. Maybe you have done it too or know a friend that has been guilty of the act. It’s that thing when you profess someone as your other half and sometimes even worse, your better half. And it usually takes place on social media, typically in a caption under a picture with the two of you smiling. It’s always happy, with a dash of mushy, and sometimes, borderline over the top.

I committed the crime while I was in my high school relationship. It was when I was young, naïve, and still unsure of my own identity and self as a person. I didn’t know what I was doing. But, does anyone really know what they are doing in that time in their life?

Once I got in the trenches of the single life and started to learn the way of independence and self-love, I became more aware of this term, “other half.” It rubbed me the wrong way. I started to notice pictures of couples gushing about their significant others and how they were their “other half.” The notion was becoming quite irritating.

When I was in a relationship again after a long stint of being single, I began to realize that when I was thinking about him, the “other half” phrase was trying hard to make its way through. As if this was some kind of social norm. It wanted to be used as a descriptor for him. I would push it off immediately and ask it, “Then what was I before? Was I not complete as my single self?” Instead, I would think of him as a teammate or a beautiful accessory that made my life even better.

As I am single again and continue to learn more about relationships and myself, the “other half” phrase gets that much more annoying. I refuse to think of myself as an incomplete being right now. What a horrible idea. This phrase makes you think that we as people can’t live and function without a counterpart of a person. I can tell you right now, I am living, breathing, and loving all on my own. I’ve been perfectly able to go on adventures, have fun, and be successful regardless of having a partner right by my side.

However, when the “other” is exchanged for “better,” I get a bit sickened. It makes me uneasy. It’s an example of negative self-talk and possible low self-esteem. I am for the relationship with someone that makes you and pushes you to be a better person. Not someone you think is better than you. I think if I were in a relationship and my boyfriend proclaimed me as his, “better half,” I wouldn’t like it. The relationship doesn’t seem even and mutual. I would feel the pressure of being the “good one.”

Yes, there are two people in a relationship, but in this case, I don’t think two halves make a whole. I believe two people make a team. I don’t want my peers to think that if they are single, they aren’t complete and their life isn’t fabulous as is.

I think this phrase is one of those things we don’t really take into account what we are even saying and what it truly means. It is a saying that has been tied to relationships, romantic stories, and lovey-dovey cards we give to each other. It is another concept in which we don’t take the time to think about and what it does to others and ourselves.

So, I encourage everyone to drop this “other half” idea and start thinking about what your significant other really is to you. We can be complete individuals and live complete beautiful lives. It’s just an extra sparkle, an added bonus, or a beautiful accessory that compliments you well when you have someone with you along for the ride.

…

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

Sunday Sprinkle: Unfinished

Unfinished

We are the project that never gets completed.

It was exciting in the beginning.

We are the poem that was only sketched and drafted.

Scribbled on a page, not revised.

We are the lyrics that never became a song.

Our heartbeats and breath, the only instruments heard.

We are the book that gets put down.

Never finding out what would happen next.

We are the love that was never made.

Only kisses that keep us up at night.

We are the what-ifs that haunt many minds.

Living in wonder …

We are the unfinished.

…

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

The B&G Series: The Other Girl

This post is also published online by Thought Catalog as my very first online publish. One of the first inspirations for The B&G Series. 

…

As women, we typically hate the Other Girl. When we find out our boyfriend was seeing someone else, we tend to not like the Other Girl more than him. But, the farther I get away from what happened to me when I was cheated on and when my friends have been left for someone else, I see clearer. I have found my anger and hatred turn into sadness. I have become sad and feel bad for this particular Other Girl.

At first, we don’t take into account that this guy probably wasn’t honest with her. He wasn’t honest to you, so what would make him any more honest in the situation with the Other Girl? We don’t know what they were fed too. We ate up his lies, so can you blame her too? We can say, “It was clear we were in a relationship on Facebook!” But who knows what he was telling her. He could have been telling her problems in your relationship (real or fake) and that he would be breaking up with you next week. We don’t know.

When we become sober from the toxic relationship that we were in and when we are healing our hearts, we finally see those red flags and negative things we hadn’t picked up before. We now see the things our family and friends would try to warn us about. Maybe he was controlling. Maybe manipulative. Or maybe he was too immature or just simply not good enough for us. But we scoffed, rolled our eyes, and cued the stream of excuses for him because we seem to be good at that. Making excuses for significant others.

Now that you can finally see what type of person you had been dealing with, the Other Girl doesn’t seem so bad. Yes, there is some caddy Other Girls. They can do petty things such as start “liking” all of his Facebook updates the moment he changes his relationship status as if they had been waiting for days to do so. You can be annoyed, just don’t let it get to you too much.

But now, I may be feeling too sad for them. I should care less what happens with the Other Girl and her new boyfriend. It’s none of my business and not my problem now, right? But I can’t help to get a little sad knowing a girl got a second-hand, unoriginal proposal when I know it was the same plan he had made with my friend he was in a serious relationship with just months before.

It’s a little haunting to see your ex not be able to look at this Other Girl the same way he did with you. With love and pride that you are his. She doesn’t get that. She doesn’t have a cute story of how they met and started their relationship. It’s overshadowed by lies and unfaithfulness. Or her version of the story might be totally different than his. The air of dishonesty may lurk for a long time. She might forever wonder if the same thing will happen to her. She may be living self-consciously.

As the girls that have been cheated on, we can be pissed. Our feelings can be hurt. We can think she won and that we came in second. We can say she took our love away and our dreams we had with a man we thought was the one. And we can hate that she took away our sex too.

We can spend all night trying to figure out how she could be better than us. Because we think she must be if he is with her over us, right? No. I have come to find that I’d rather think about all the wonderful things I gained instead. How much life became better.

I think about the numerous people I have met, the trips I have taken, the adventures I have been on, the drunken nights I have had with my best friends, and all the times I have danced my heart out. I think about all the first kisses I’ve gotten to experience and the dates I’ve been on. I think about all the things I’ve learned I could do on my own and how it feels empowering. The things that would have never happened had I still been with him. I smile. Because my life became a lot more fun once I closed the door.

There are no more fights. I am no longer changing my dreams for someone else and no longer boxed in. I am not being controlled or manipulated. There are simply no more lies from him. The Other Girl now gets to wonder what the truth is. She has his insecurities and selfishness. She’s chained down now.

So I sit here. My heart can’t help but feel sad for these Other Girls. Maybe I am too nice, as I have been told. Maybe I don’t like seeing girls in that same dreadful position I once was in. But I also sit here wanting to thank the Other Girl for hurting me. I want to thank her for taking it all away and setting me free.

 …

See the original published article here on Thought Catalog 

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

The B&G Series: The New Girl

Hello, February.

For the month of February, my goal is to focus on girls and boys. With three years of blogging experience, I know boys and girls are the popular topics. Especially when you mix them together and try to attempt this concept of relationships. 

It fascinates me. 
I love analyzing and discussing the wide range of topics and situations that come up with the sexes. My own life and the adventures I've had thus far have given me good examples to use and ponder. Seriously, I really need to get to work on a book just about my "dating" life. I have blue prints started. Then I have my whole circle of friends that are great at discussing, living, and sharing their experiences with me to sift through and be inspired by. 

February is all about the relationships. It's when our status becomes really public when Valentine's Day comes to stage for its yearly appearance. So what better time to talk about girls and boys?

This month, I am trying to be all about both genders. I'm writing about the different types of boys and girls. The good, the bad, the awkward, the romantic. I am highlighting people like the New Girl, the Other Girl, the Bad Boys, the Charmers, the Lingerers, and more. I'm writing opinions, depicting scenes, and posting poetry that brings these people to life. 

This is going to be some real life Sex & The City. 

But named The B&G Series (The Boys and Girls Series -- Not Biscuits and Gravy even though it sounds amazing) to be a bit more original.
You all ready?

…

The New Girl

They look at me. I see when he introduces me that they look at me – taking me in. The new girl. The first girl he’s seen with since he split with the last one he had been with for a number of years. They glance at me from time to time from across the bar. I wonder what they are thinking.

Are they debating if he downgraded or upgraded? Are they measuring me up against his ex? Do they stand there with a raised eyebrow and think, hmm, she is younger. Do they know me from my high school days or are wondering about everything they have ever heard about me? Are they thinking, I have seen her on Facebook?

I start to wonder if she would come to this same bar and hang with his same best friends once before. Did she laugh with them? What did she drink? He grabs my hand and I wonder if he held her hand too.

They look at me. I am his new girl. And that’s how they will know me. Am I living in a shadow? Are there expectations I have that I don’t know about? Take a drink.

When he kisses me for the first time, I wonder how brand new I feel. The new girl. With different hair his hands can run through and different lips he tastes. My curves aren’t the same. This intimacy isn’t the same. I am not what he is used to. I’m still the new girl. I’m not her.

…

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife