Something Different For Your Nails!

Right now there is a ring finger fad that is popular among girls. It is when you paint your nails one color, but your ring finger is a different color. I have seen some cute combination of colors that girls will do, but I personally don't like to participate in what is "in" when it comes to nail polish. I don't want to do what everyone else is doing at the moment. I never purchased or wore the shatter nail polish because it isn't my style and because everyone else was fascinated by it.
I will admit, I am picky and a tad snobby when it comes to nail polish. It is something that is kind of my thing and it's an awesome bond I share with one of my best friends, Jessica. She is the same way as me. We are always up to date on what's coming out and the latest crazes.
I like the one different color idea with the ring finger fad, but wanted to tweak a little to be different. So while I was in the shower this past week, I finally thought, what about the thumb? I had tried the pointer finger and it didn't look right. But the thumb is different because it is shorter and you use them to text. So wouldn't it be neat to have a different color on the fingers you use to text? So I tried it and actually liked it!
What do you think?
I like that it's different and I will probably rock this a few times this summer!
Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Up In The Air

I keep having this reoccurring theme of feeling up in the air or floating. I have a journal and I have probably written this a few times ever since the break up. That's what started it all. Ever since, things keep happening and coming up that gives me this feeling that everything is so up in the air. That I am floating.

It seems that the majority of my life has always been planned, always a routine, a set thing. I always knew where I was going, what I was doing. There haven't been many points in my life where I didn't have some sort of concrete direction in motion or routine. I've always kind of known what to expect. By the time I was in Kindergarten,  I was telling people I was going to attend Sumner for high school. I went to the same elementary/middle school all the way up until I went to Sumner. Each year I could anticipate what classes I would take next. I did dance and gymnastics at Byrd's for 12 years. I learned a lot of routines there. I was with someone for over three years and could expect what dates would be like, what we would do on the weekends, and even had a good night routine with him. For 4 summers ever since I started working, I knew I would be working at WYCO. It was all routine.

Right after the break up, our cat started to get sick and have problems. She was getting old. I knew I would soon lose her as well. I got news one of my favorite shows of all time, Desperate Housewives, was going to have their last season. That would be gone too. I knew big changes in my life were ahead. As time has gone on and I finally watched the last episodes of the show tonight, it was the cherry on top, the thing that would confirm what I was going to blog about next. This feeling of change and not knowing what to expect.

Summer has definitely been showing me things. Right now I have no routine. I no longer work at WYCO and don't have a job at the moment. I don't have that boyfriend to hang out with a lot over the summer. I don't have a summer reading assignment like I used to while at Sumner. No recital to prep for. There is no routine anymore. I don't have classes, work, meetings and deadlines to fill that. This is such a foreign thing for me. As of right now, it is not until August when I have things picking back up for school. Until then, I am sort of in this waiting stage of life. Remember last blog, I mentioned I am working on my patience? Well, waiting takes patience too. Again, I am getting a lot of practice!

But so far this summer has been great. I have been seeing so many people. I have been able to spend a lot of time with family, friends, and visit with others that I haven't seen in years. I have gotten to enjoy Tuesday family dinners which I miss all the time while at college. My oldest nephew, Logan's voice is changing and he is entering that preteen stage. I got to go to my brother's house and watch episodes of Fantasy Factory with him. I spent the past three days with my niece, Grace. I feel like I am watching myself when I was little as she tells me to watch her do gymnastics moves. She is six and is so smart. SHE read ME a bed time story the other night! I went out last night in Emporia with my sister. It was just us. A girl's night. I have spent a lot of time with really good friends and friends I don't get to see very often. I have had good conversations with them as well. I met a friend I had known since my sophomore year of high school for the first time in person. I visited Sumner and got to visit with a few teachers while I was there. I have been running into and seeing so many people from my past. I feel like there is a reason for it. It has been a reminder that things have changed and that I am getting older. It has also been an amazing reminder of the beautiful people that I have been so blessed to have in my life. It makes me think and my mind explores as I am visiting with all these people and learning what they are doing in their lives. I feel like God has put me in this position of no routine, no job, no deadlines, meetings, and everything else so that I have this time to really spend time with my family, friends, and all the other people that have been in my life at some point. I have definitely been savoring it and I have been thankful to have the time and opportunity to spend time with them.

At this point, I am just trying to get used to this up in the air idea. Of not really knowing what I am doing next week and the week after. I have been learning to have faith that things will work out. It takes time and of course it always seems to come down to me being patient! Until then, I am just taking the time to cherish the moments with wonderful people.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

My visit to Sumner with Marcus. Us with Mrs. Brown.

Logan & I. He is pretty much taller than me now!

The bed time story Grace read to me! Just Go To Bed!

Boys

Boys

This is a topic that I have thought about blogging about for awhile. It's just a complicated and complex subject. Especially for me as I have been trying to figure out how to talk, communicate, date, and hang out with them since I have become single. The last time I had been single was my sophomore year of high school and when I became single again, was my sophomore year of college. BIG difference. So I have been learning as I go.

Meeting new people and trying to engage in conversation has been something I have tried to figure out and do. It's convenient if you have a class with a guy you are attracted to because you share a common thing. One of the biggest frustrations I deal with is when you see a cute guy at the gym because they are either playing basketball with friends, working out and most likely have their headphones in. So how do you initiate anything and it's frustrating if you only see them there or that might the only time you do see them. 

I've had my fair share of unique ways guys have started talking to me. When I got my iPhone over spring break, the guy that set up my phone had used his work phone to send a text and call to make sure it was working right. Later that night he texted me to make sure I was doing okay with my phone which lead into conversation. One clever thing that still makes me smile when thinking about it was a time when I was talking to a guy on Facebook the night I created my blog. I told him about the blog I had just started and sent him a link to it. He saw on my description that I encouraged people to send me an email with advice, suggestions, questions, anything. I soon had an email from him on that account asking me out on a date. I loved that he did that because it showed that he actually went to my blog and had to have read it to have found the email and then he took time to email me that. Will never forget that!

With technology and social media, I have noticed that a new way to get noticed by someone is to start "liking" their things on Facebook. This has been a pattern that I have caught on to and take into consideration. Lately, I have been able to tell when guys have kind of "creeped" on my Facebook page.

One of the cleverest, but kind of cheesy things a guy has done: He asked me for my number over Facebook chat. I gave it to him and then he told me not to expect for him to text me anytime soon. Not even tomorrow or the next day because it had to be spontaneous and awesome like the conversation we just had. He really didn't text me after a couple days. 

I still haven't been able to understand why guys stop talking to me though. For no reason. Or at least they don't give me a reason. I hung out with somebody and we seemed to have a good time. Not long after, he wouldn't reply to my texts for a couple days. Then finally he told me a relationship wasn't what he needed. Which was fine because I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time and I told him that. I asked if we could still hang out and talk like we had been and he agreed and even told me I was fun to hang out with. He eventually stopped talking to me and if I texted him now, he probably wouldn't reply. We were honest with each other and he told me he had fun with me and agreed to hang out and talk, but did the opposite. Why? 

I've had a couple guys text me for about a couple days and seem really interested in me and they are getting to know me and then I won't hear from them again. They just stop. No reason. That's been a frustrating aspect of trying to talk to guys.

Another frustrating thing, finding a guy that I can have great and long conversations with, but I don't feel a spark. I can't feel the same way back. There have been a couple guys that I had hung out with and even gone on a date with that I got along with really well and had great conversations with, but I didn't feel that spark, the physical attraction. I believe you got to have that there if there is going to be any kind of relationship down the road. It sucks because I know they were great guys and really liked, but I can't help who I am attracted to. And I can't go on with them if I don't feel the same way. It also sucks when it is vice versa. I have chased after guys that didn't really deserve my time!

There has been times where guys can get overwhelming to me. There have been times where multiple will come at once or a guy will pour his heart out. This is when I retreat. When I want to get away from boys for awhile. Or when they all seem to be d-bags. I retreat. There was a time where I wouldn't get a text from a male for a couple days straight.

There have been many times I have thought that I might intimidate boys. I have asked a couple. One told me that I can be and that normally girls don't make him nervous, but I do. Another told me no, just only when I am all dressed up and what not. Sometimes I want to tweet or something and ask. Am I intimidating? It makes me want to reassure boys that really I am kind, I am not snobby, and really shouldn't be that intimidating! I guess it can be flattering in a way?

Another thing I have wanted to tweet: "I dare a boy to take me on a date." 

I have concluded that boys my age must not believe in dates anymore or know how to take a girl on one. I have been single for over half a year and have been on ONE official date really. But the guy was 25 so it kind of shows that older guys know how to do it, but what about guys my age? It's all about "hanging out." Go to each other's places and talk, watch tv, make food, watch movies. I am totally fine with hanging out and I enjoy hanging out with a nice guy, but sometimes girls like to go out. On dates. 

One thing I did tweet, are guys not attracted to brunettes anymore? My ex left me for a blonde, a guy I had liked, his ex before he started talking to me is blonde, one guy I talked to preferred blondes and so on. This kind of made me bitter at one point, but it makes me embrace my long brunette hair even more! Team brunette all the way!

I have been asked if I am ticklish multiple times. I believe guys use this tickling tactic as a way to get closer to girls and even have the possibility of touching them somehow in a not as creepy way to them. Yes, I am ticklish, and no, it really isn't that fun for me to be tickled.

It amazes me that a guy can kiss me with feeling, but not really mean much by it.

Boys are confusing. And they will tell you that girls are confusing too. I just ask for guys to be straight up with me and to not lead me on. It's happened before. I have been trying to learn to go with the flow. I am beginning to not be surprised when one will show up randomly from the past or when a guy will just disappear without any explanation. I try to enjoy the times I do get to "hang out" with them and cherish the memories. Learn from mistakes and have some be lessons learned. I get to know them and I learn what I want and don't want. I guess that is what single life is kind of about right? Learning what you want and don't want. Having fun? There has been fun moments, but there are times I miss being in a relationship. Am I close to being in one right now? Nope. Especially with summer, it is hard to start anything now. I am just enjoying my time, the conversations, and the hang outs. Eventually, I will go on a date again. I have been practicing my patience and it's been definitely getting some practice. :)

Britney Spears ends her song, "Boys" with "can't live with them, can't live without them." I don't know about all that. But I have faith that guys can come through. I know you guys can be clever and treat girls right. I am learning to figure you guys out. If anyone wants to offer feedback, advice, or the like. Email me, text me, message me on facebook, tweet me, whatever!

I hope I didn't offend any of you, just my observations on my journey as a single lady! :)

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

Brights

Yesterday I came home for summer. It was weird leaving Emporia for awhile. My summer plans seem really up in the air which is an unusual thing for me that I'm trying to grasp and run with. Trying to get used to this spontaneous type of summer of not knowing where I am going to work yet and what other things are going to happen and come my way. I'm trying to take it head on and confidently. Tomorrow I'm going to start by digging hard to get to the bottom of this job situation and get my Y membership so I can start back at the gym. The last few summers I knew what to expect. I was in a routine, but not this one. I'm a little anxious. But on a lighter note, I got my nail polish all back together for the summer and it was the first time I had ALL my nail polish in my rack. And it's almost full! I did my nails to start off summer and decided with all bright colors. I don't have to go with a professional looking color or have to do all one color die to banquets, meetings or special events. It's summer! And I don't have anything planned really! So why not do multicolor? I am in love with the color combination and the brightness of it. Really pops! Here we go, Summer.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

A Reflection

I can't believe that this school year is already over. It seemed like it only took a couple blinks and it was done, but really as I reflect back on this past school year, it has been the biggest year of my life. The other night as Anna and I did our nails together for the last time for a couple months, we decided to reflect on this past year. We talked about the first day we moved into our apartment and how our mom's kept talking to each other about how we were moving in to our first apartment. At the time, we didn't think much of it, but looking at it from other perspectives, it kind of is a big deal. We talked about the day of the break up and how her and Paige took me to get Chinese food and we spent the evening at Peter Pan park. I told her that was probably the best thing they could have done for me. We discussed the night her and Paige had to confront me about something that was really tough for them to do. How I had cried on the ottoman in our living room as Anna sat on the couch and watched me in pain while I kept telling her, "thank you." At that point, that is all I could say even though it probably wasn't enough. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes at that point in time. She told me what they had done and how they had debated about it. It was probably one of the toughest things they have had to do so far and I can't thank them enough. It shows how true of friends they are and that they have what's best for me in mind. I am blessed beyond with best friends that got me through such a horrible time in my life. Sammie had another hard job as well. As always she went the extra mile and took care of me. That's another person I can't thank enough. I was so glad to still have Jessica in my life too after everything. I remember breaking down at her house and crying in front of her for the first time. Anna and I also talked about the guys that I tried talking to and that have tried talking to me, and the kind of luck I had with them. It was also tough having Paige go back home. She has a special place in our hearts and we miss her a lot. We laughed over fun times with her like when she completely destroyed Anna's side of the room for no apparent reason and when Anna attempted to get her back and failed.

As the year has been wrapping up and I had a night to myself since Anna has already left, I have been doing some reflecting over this semester. Fall semester was filled with hurt and pain and it kind of carried over into the Spring semester, but I fought hard to make sure it didn't stay. There was no way I was going to let it bring me down. As I was sitting in my last counseling session and he asked me questions about my progress and we talked about what I was like when I first started counseling, I started the see all the changes. I could see the strength I had gained clearly. I felt like I came full circle almost. Or maybe some kind of closure or something. I had gone in a horrible mess that would cry every week while in session to become a more confident woman that was more aware of her feelings and emotions. I felt empowered and like it was some sort of victory.

It amazes me when I look back at the state I used to be in. I could barely eat and would call my mom constantly. I remember one Monday, I had to go to an Ambassadors meeting and then soon after read my poem that had been selected to be in Quivira. I had called my mom before it and cried to her. She told me I was going to get through it and I wasn't going to miss out on reading my poem. I was going to go and I was going to read it. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot across from the alumni center not wanting to go in. But I pushed through it. I went and tried so hard not to let it show and to be strong because I really didn't have a choice. When thinking about the whole situation and what I went through, when it came down to it, I didn't have a choice. I was going to suck it up and strive to get things done. I had classes to attend, work to get done, an organization to lead, and an executive board position to fulfill in Ambassadors. There wasn't much time to dwell. As much as I wanted to take time to cry, sulk, and be alone, I am glad I had things that made me keep going. And I somehow did it and I sometimes don't know how. I just knew I wasn't going to let a person get the best of me and get me down. That's why I love "Part of Me" by Katy Perry and "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson so much. It resonates well with me.

This semester, I have had a lot of success that I still can't believe has happened. I was awarded the Susan B. Anthony scholarship for educating women on the ESU campus. That meant so much to me. Even if it didn't have money attached to it, I would still be honored to have gotten it because of what it stands for. I was able to meet the President and I took the chance in asking if his wife could attend a BUILD Beauty meeting. She did and then also hosted a BUILD Beauty birthday party at their house! I now chat with them when I see them around campus. I am lucky enough to be on a first name basis and have casual conversations with the President and First Lady of my university. It still blows my mind. I received the Robert and Mary Glennen lead scholarship as well as a CASE ASAP district scholarship that will take care of my registration for national conference this summer. BUILD has expanded and is now an official organization at K-State. I was elected to be next year's Vice President for Ambassadors. After pushing so hard to get through the bad and having to experience so much pain, I am definitely reveling, savoring and saying thanks for all this good that has been coming my way.

There are so many beautiful people in my life. I thank you for being there. I thank everyone that has said kind words to me in person, through Facebook, text, however it was communicated! It is messages that people tell me and send me that motivate me even more to strive to be the best I can be and hopefully make differences in people's lives.

Things I have learned...
It really does get better and it does take time. Have faith that things will change because they really do.

Would it be weird to say that I am kind of thankful that my heart was broken and that I went through a tough time? Because I have grown so much and I have spread my wings. I am doing things now that I wouldn't have done before. I am learning and becoming stronger and more confident in who I am. I am becoming a better person. And I am thankful for it.

Take chances, know that it will get better, and that everything will be okay.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Like I was poison in your mouth

You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

-Part of Me, Katy Perry

You know I dream in color
And do the things I want
You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

-Stronger, Kelly Clarkson

If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

-Firework, Katy Perry

Sumner Academy: Forensics

This morning I woke up and I checked my Facebook app and one of the first things I see is a status update from Mrs. Brown announcing that the Sumner forensics team had won the 4A State title this year! I was filled with happiness for the team, Mrs. Brown, and the school. I was on the forensics team for three years (sophomore-senior year). It definitely has a special place in my heart. I definitely broke out of my shell, made wonderful memories, and was part of a little family of our own. I loved performing and making people laugh, especially large crowds during finals. It's an amazing feeling making people laugh like that.

We definitely faced a lot of obstacles and had a lot of heart break during my time on the team. I will never forget sitting in the bathroom at Blue Valley North crying with Mrs. Brown and Khrystal after Marcus and I were jipped on our chance to go to nationals that year after a hugely successful run with our Scooby-Doo DUO. Or the heartbreak we all felt when our dream team my senior year fell just a little short and ended up 2nd at State to a team that cheated. We held our head high and didn't say anything because we weren't like that. We accepted it with grace.

We had great moments too seeing Khrystal break records in the pentathalon at St. Thomas Aquinas and having Marcus and Tre finish high at CFL nationals. We had a lot of laughs such as when Marcus scared Khrystal after they saw Nightmare on Elm Street and him acting it out at the hotel for us. Caleb driving through the grass at Washburn Rural to get us to State when we were running late and more.

We won a lot as a team and individually and we were hated by other schools because of it. It didn't help either that we were from Wyandotte and the "ghetto" area at that. That we were so diverse and predominately African American. Schools would talk about us and say we played "the race card." They would look at us weird when we would enter the fancy schools in Johnson County and Blue Valley or when we were just being ourselves. Some schools wouldn't come to our school for tournaments because they didn't like our location and were too scared. We could never attempt a Friday night tournament either. It definitely taught me the harsh realities of discrimination and the lack of diversity people can have. We put up with being the underdog and looked down upon and in a classy way. We were just different. Last year when I was talking with Mrs. Brown she said that Sumner was asked to host national qualifier when it is usually a bid type thing. She didn't bid for it, they asked her. They wanted to see what water we were drinking because we were that good.

Seeing that Mrs. Brown and the team had finally gotten that title warmed my heart. Mrs. Brown deserves it. It feels like we finally conquered them all. I am proud of the students because I know they must have worked so hard and really rocked it this weekend.
The forensics team and Sumner as a whole has a special place in my heart. There is so much talent in that school and I love when it is recognized. I am so proud to have gone there and be a part of some wonderful things, get to know amazing beautiful people, and learn so much. Proud Alumni :)

I will always be thankful for that school and never forget what it did for me.
Don't forget your roots.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

2010 - 2nd place

2012 State Champions

BUILD Beauty Goes To K-State!

I am so thrilled and ecstatic to announce that BUILD Beauty is now officially a recognized student organization at K-State! A big thank you goes to Kaitlin Ward who made this possible! We went to high school together and she contacted me on Beauty Peace Day and was interested in starting it at K-State and has worked hard to make it official before the year was over and she did! :)

I am so excited to work with her and see what we can do at K-State which is larger than Emporia State. I am also excited to plan a sleepover with the girls of ESU and KSU!

Got a lot to look forward to. :) And a lot of brainstorming to be done.

Just before Beauty Peace Day, I was thinking of making it a goal before I graduate to expand BUILD to other colleges and it floors me that it is already happening before I end my sophomore year of college. What's next?

Definitely going to continue to work to expand and grow even more.

Can't wait :)

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel