Over summer, I made a post called simply, “Boys.”
Within not even 24 hours, I was flooded with texts, emails, comments, and messages
by not only boys, but girls as well. I even had about 4 date offers. I haven’t
had a response like that to a post even to this day. As the end of the year
wraps up, it means I’ve had another half of a year or so of random experiences,
first kisses, awkward moments, anger, smiles, a couple tears, disappointments,
observations, and array of poems to capture the intense moments, good and bad.
With taking a poetry writing class and then having
my project in my seminar of creative writing class involve me writing an
anthology of poems about my life in the boy department, I’ve really had to
stretch my brain, emotions, words, thoughts, and feelings. I’ve had to do a lot
of writing and luckily life hasn’t given me too many dull moments, but instead
a lot of material to turn into poems. The classes made me grow and really get me
out of my box to where I am writing things I, unfortunately, cannot share on
here. But I do want to include snipits of favorite parts and lines from them
throughout this post.
Here it is: Boys – More Things I’ve Learned
I’m
with a boy
from
UCLA
that
just bought me ice cream
from
a little shop
across
the way.
While in Indianapolis at a conference, a
boy from UCLA and I were drawn to each other. It was really neat getting to
know him and finding out how different things are with our schools and where we
live. Sometimes I forget how big the world is and he reminds me of that.
He
spits out the chocolate chips
because
he only likes the mint.
That whole time with him felt like a
movie in that city. We’ve still been able to keep in contact since then and who
knows, with how unlikely it seems that I will see him again in person, you never
know maybe it will happen someday!
But
really these feelings are untrue
because
I don’t mean that much to you.
I had a huge crush on someone and let
him in too far, too fast. We had a falling out. Now he lives in the same
apartments as me…with his now girlfriend.
I
had a crush.
My
heart beat fast.
Never
thought you would rush
and
I’d come in last
There was one guy that I was talking to
and lead me on until I saw he got into a relationship…over Facebook.
I
hate that I let you disappoint me.
I
hate that I let you waste
my
time,
my
breath,
my
words.
I
let you take up space on my paper,
my
clean paper.
I
let you take part of my creativity
when
I could be writing about beautiful
things.
Someone broke the record. He talked to
me every day for months, took me to a movie, and shared kisses with me. First guy
I had the “next step” talk with, a possible relationship down the road. He was
supposed to be the “good guy” that everyone likes. Different from the jerks I
had wasted time on. He complimented my eyes. Something I don’t get from guys
often. But then he stopped, went away. Another fall out. That was one of my
lowest points, but minimal tears were to be cried. For some reason, a boy
hasn’t been able to make me really cry in a long time. I just didn’t know if I
had used up all my tears last year or maybe my skin is just getting thicker
after every burn. Maybe the poems have taken my emotions from me to where I don’t
need to cry. He sparked “A Bitter Rant To Boys.”
I
dropped my purse to the ground
I’ve had a lot of these movie moments as
I like to think of them. Having ice cream with a UCLA boy in a beautiful city
on a Friday night would be a prime example. There is also something about
dropping your purse to the ground right before a kiss or dropping your clutch
during one that gives me a movie feel. Girls, try it out sometime. It’s kind of
like in Princess Diaries when she wants her foot to “pop” during her first
kiss. Try to “drop” something next time. It kind of has a thrilling feeling.
He’s
easy to spot at the bar
because
he’s tall
and
charm shines
through
his blue eyes
and
bright white smile.
He
mingles with people
making
them laugh
along
with him.
I
like his laugh.
So I met this guy. I remember the night
clearly. Ever since he talked to me first that night at the bar, we’ve had this
weird little relationship. We’ve spent time together on numerous occasions. He
is really different and has this funny adorable personality, but school keeps
him really busy and he is a horrible texter and will openly admit it. So when
we do see each other, it is usually random, spontaneous and unplanned. (I’ve
found it’s usually the spontaneous nights that are the best in general!) I
chose that particular part of the poem to depict him because there have been
times I will be out with friends and I can see him from a distance and I
picture Ryan Gosling at the bar in Crazy Stupid Love. How the focus is on him
as he is mingling with ease. That’s him. Have you heard about being weak in the
knees? It’s possible, a real thing. He is really laid back and doesn’t seem to
take life too seriously. I like that because I’m usually taking it too
seriously. He reminds me to chill out. The last time I hung out with him not
long before he left he said, “You know what my motto is? I’m an owl and I don’t
give a hoot.”
“Don’t look at me. You got a girl at
home and everybody knows that, everybody knows that.” – Taylor Swift (Girl At
Home)
Recently, I’ve had a couple encounters
where boys tried to lie about having girlfriends. One of them really had me
fooled at one point, but luckily my roommate was able to find things out. That
is something you should know about me. I have been blessed with great close
friends that really know how to find stuff out. When they do find out, they
aren’t afraid to tell me even though I may hurt, feel stupid, or be embarrassed
and I am so thankful for that! Boys should know that girls talk and we do find
things out. Also, sometimes it is as easy as getting on Facebook or Twitter.
“And yeah I might go with it if I hadn’t
once been just like her.” – Taylor Swift (Girl At Home)
My heart does feel for these girls that
have no clue what is happening while their boyfriends are at a different
college. I once was that oblivious girl and luckily I had family and friends
that had my back and was a great support system to get me through it. Being
told by my close friends was one of the best things to happen for me and
sometimes I wish that I could tell them and set them free like I was able to
do, but who’s to say they will believe a stranger. It would probably not help
anything and might even backfire on me. I’d be the one to blame. Is it even my
business anyway? I don’t want to burn bridges. I will pray and hope that maybe
one day something will change for them. That they may get the chance to move on
to something better or these guys will learn what respect is. In the meantime,
I will do just about as much as I can do. Confront the guys and tell them to
respect the girlfriend they have or move on.
I
got caught up.
It
wasn’t your eyes.
Not
even your smile.
I got caught up in someone that I couldn’t
even explain why I was attracted. But I really was. That doesn’t happen very
often for me. Usually there is something that sticks out or some kind of
reason. But this one was different. A lot different from the same guys I had usually
gave my attention to. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, the confidence
he gave off, his witty ways, how he could hold a conversation. Something was there.
It seemed like there was something between us possibly. You know how people say
stuff like it felt like there was nobody else around. Like it was just the two
of them? Like nothing else mattered at that moment? Yeah, that is a real thing
too.
You
tempted me
to
taint my reputation,
to
flirt with trouble.
You
caught me.
You
caught me.
Since the last “Boys” blog post, the
number of dates I have been on has not increased very much at all. I could
probably still count on one hand. I used to be a little bitter about it until I
thought about it more and experienced my own small bank account, that dates in
college are pretty slim. They cost money and money is very minimal in the lives
of college students. BUT there are ways around it. Getting ice cream some night
wouldn’t be that bad, going to a park and looking at the stars doesn’t cost
anything, and even watching a movie together sounds good since that rarely
happens either. With my busy schedule, a movie night sounds divine just to get my
mind off things and having time away from reality and life for a little bit.
Some
look,
but
don’t touch
They
don’t want
to
take the chance.
For my project in Seminar of creative
writing, I worked on poems with the extended metaphor of being a Barbie. That
was fun. One them I made was about the idea of having me. I am still going
through the boys that talk to me and act like their interested, and then don’t
hear from them. It has become a pretty common thing to where I’m getting used
to it. As my friend Marcus would say, “NEXT!”
Some
flirt
with
the idea of having me,
but
it’s too much work.
They
put me back on the shelf.
If you want something, you just gotta say
it. Sometimes you have to be straightforward with boys and just tell them what
you want. Unfortunately, they can’t read our minds. Sometimes they won’t know
unless you speak up.
People
pass
and
time keeps going
while
neither of us notice.
I’ve also felt this reoccurring thought
of time. I am a junior in college now and I usually talk to guys my age or
older. So you find someone you are interested in and they graduate in the next
semester. So what do you do? Everyone in college have these plans and dreams,
some concrete with others up in the air. Some interested in grad school and
others with job opportunities in other towns. Is it the best idea to try to
begin something? I found that I am kind of like Taylor Swift when it comes to
boys. I don’t really care, I go with the flow and see where it takes me even
when I have the big chance of getting burned and hurt down the road. I
appreciate those exciting times and the thrill of what is going to happen. It’s
nice to get to know people and learn something from them. Whether it is a
reminder that the world is big, to not take life too seriously, or I learn
something about myself through them.
I’ve had to deal with awkward situations
and learned how to stay strong when I come across someone that I had a falling
out with. I take it as learning experiences and opportunities to grow.
Distance. Another factor that gets in
the way. You may find someone pretty cool, but there is a lot of land
separating you. Yes, with technology, it is easy to skype, facetime, text, etc.
But it’s a challenge to see each other in person. It’s even harder when you
haven’t been with them and you are trying to start something. One said he would
try for a relationship if I was at the same school, but I am not. I also had a
guy I met at conference that goes to the University of Texas at San Antonio
that read my “Boys” blog and had said he would take me on a date if he could.
It’s just that…he is in Texas. He wants a manual on girls. I told him I’d send
him one. Us girls aren’t the only ones requesting manuals on the opposite sex
these days!
There
were no colors on the white walls and cement stairs,
but
he brought color to me.
One disappointment I’ve had to accept is
losing a great friend. I loved hanging out with him and joking around. After a
night of going back and forth, he sometimes doesn’t acknowledge me or the most
we mutter to each other is, “hey.” I somewhat feel punished because I didn’t
feel the same way. Maybe he was hurt. If you want to read about the possibility
of girls and boys actually being just friends, read a past blog post of mine, “Can
We Be Friends?: Friendships with the opposite sex.” Also, you can check out “A
Touchy Subject” for another debate with the opposite sex subject!
I've heard I am intimidating. I'm flattered, but don't know if that works against me?
Texting is its own thing now. It almost
seems like it is too complicated. How often should you text? Should you text first
or wait for him? Should you reply right away or wait awhile? Is every day too
much? Or every other day? It really hit me how complex we’ve made texting when
I found myself sitting on the ground in the relationship section of the library
reading through a book titled, “Flirtexting.” Yes, it is real too. It was a
whole book dedicated to teach you how to “flirtext.” Apparently, it’s a new way
of texting. It taught you how not to reply too fast because that shows you are
desperate, how to be flirty with your messages, and reassured you that texting
was beneficial because you had time to think of something witty and really
polish what you want to say before you send it. Yes, as if us girls have
nothing else to worry about, we now have texting to add to our list of things
to overanalyze. One of my friends and I discuss the topic of texting. We are
the type of girls that like to text a lot so we enjoy boys who know how to text
and can text pretty frequently. It is hard to find a happy medium because it is
possible for me to get annoyed with a boy who texts TOO much and then I get
irritated if it takes awhile just to get a reply. So boys, that can give you
something to think about! Are you a good texter?
P.S. Girls really really really like good
morning and goodnight texts. Thought I’d put a word in J
Overview
Boys
1. Cheap/free
dates are possible. Just get creative! You don’t have to make it harder than it
is.
2. Avoid
being a slow/minimal texter.
3. Good
morning and goodnight texts are always welcome!
4. Girls
almost always find things out!
5. Be
honest.
*Listening to Taylor
Swift might also help to find out how girls feel in all kinds of situations!
Girls
1. Try
to “drop” something in your next kiss.
2. Apparently
don’t reply too fast or over text a guy!
3. Boys
are just as confused as we are.
4. That
means we have to speak up!
5. Be
honest.
It’s been a good time since my last
post. Despite the couple tears, bumps in the roads, burns, and lies I had
encountered, I’ve learned and I am happy about that. I thank the boys for the
motivation and inspiration that I get to channel into poetry. I got A’s J
I loved the movie moments and the times I’ve smiled. Can’t wait to see what the
new year has in store in the boy department!
No
sounds filled that empty stairwell
except
our breath trying to catch up with us.
Please feel free to contact me with
feedback, questions, answers or advice for me, and more!
Email: glitterandthegirlygirl.blogspot.com
Twitter: @rachelnmsparkle
Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel
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