Boys - More Things I've Learned

Over summer, I made a post called simply, “Boys.” Within not even 24 hours, I was flooded with texts, emails, comments, and messages by not only boys, but girls as well. I even had about 4 date offers. I haven’t had a response like that to a post even to this day. As the end of the year wraps up, it means I’ve had another half of a year or so of random experiences, first kisses, awkward moments, anger, smiles, a couple tears, disappointments, observations, and array of poems to capture the intense moments, good and bad.

With taking a poetry writing class and then having my project in my seminar of creative writing class involve me writing an anthology of poems about my life in the boy department, I’ve really had to stretch my brain, emotions, words, thoughts, and feelings. I’ve had to do a lot of writing and luckily life hasn’t given me too many dull moments, but instead a lot of material to turn into poems. The classes made me grow and really get me out of my box to where I am writing things I, unfortunately, cannot share on here. But I do want to include snipits of favorite parts and lines from them throughout this post.

Here it is: Boys – More Things I’ve Learned

I’m with a boy

from UCLA

that just bought me ice cream

from a little shop

across the way.

While in Indianapolis at a conference, a boy from UCLA and I were drawn to each other. It was really neat getting to know him and finding out how different things are with our schools and where we live. Sometimes I forget how big the world is and he reminds me of that.

He spits out the chocolate chips

because he only likes the mint.

That whole time with him felt like a movie in that city. We’ve still been able to keep in contact since then and who knows, with how unlikely it seems that I will see him again in person, you never know maybe it will happen someday!

But really these feelings are untrue

because I don’t mean that much to you.

I had a huge crush on someone and let him in too far, too fast. We had a falling out. Now he lives in the same apartments as me…with his now girlfriend.

I had a crush.

My heart beat fast.

Never thought you would rush

and I’d come in last

There was one guy that I was talking to and lead me on until I saw he got into a relationship…over Facebook.

I hate that I let you disappoint me.

I hate that I let you waste

my time,

my breath,

my words.

I let you take up space on my paper,

my clean paper.

I let you take part of my creativity

when I could be writing about beautiful

things.

Someone broke the record. He talked to me every day for months, took me to a movie, and shared kisses with me. First guy I had the “next step” talk with, a possible relationship down the road. He was supposed to be the “good guy” that everyone likes. Different from the jerks I had wasted time on. He complimented my eyes. Something I don’t get from guys often. But then he stopped, went away. Another fall out. That was one of my lowest points, but minimal tears were to be cried. For some reason, a boy hasn’t been able to make me really cry in a long time. I just didn’t know if I had used up all my tears last year or maybe my skin is just getting thicker after every burn. Maybe the poems have taken my emotions from me to where I don’t need to cry. He sparked “A Bitter Rant To Boys.”

I dropped my purse to the ground

I’ve had a lot of these movie moments as I like to think of them. Having ice cream with a UCLA boy in a beautiful city on a Friday night would be a prime example. There is also something about dropping your purse to the ground right before a kiss or dropping your clutch during one that gives me a movie feel. Girls, try it out sometime. It’s kind of like in Princess Diaries when she wants her foot to “pop” during her first kiss. Try to “drop” something next time. It kind of has a thrilling feeling.

He’s easy to spot at the bar

because he’s tall

and charm shines

through his blue eyes

and bright white smile.

He mingles with people

making them laugh

along with him.

I like his laugh.

So I met this guy. I remember the night clearly. Ever since he talked to me first that night at the bar, we’ve had this weird little relationship. We’ve spent time together on numerous occasions. He is really different and has this funny adorable personality, but school keeps him really busy and he is a horrible texter and will openly admit it. So when we do see each other, it is usually random, spontaneous and unplanned. (I’ve found it’s usually the spontaneous nights that are the best in general!) I chose that particular part of the poem to depict him because there have been times I will be out with friends and I can see him from a distance and I picture Ryan Gosling at the bar in Crazy Stupid Love. How the focus is on him as he is mingling with ease. That’s him. Have you heard about being weak in the knees? It’s possible, a real thing. He is really laid back and doesn’t seem to take life too seriously. I like that because I’m usually taking it too seriously. He reminds me to chill out. The last time I hung out with him not long before he left he said, “You know what my motto is? I’m an owl and I don’t give a hoot.”

“Don’t look at me. You got a girl at home and everybody knows that, everybody knows that.” – Taylor Swift (Girl At Home)

Recently, I’ve had a couple encounters where boys tried to lie about having girlfriends. One of them really had me fooled at one point, but luckily my roommate was able to find things out. That is something you should know about me. I have been blessed with great close friends that really know how to find stuff out. When they do find out, they aren’t afraid to tell me even though I may hurt, feel stupid, or be embarrassed and I am so thankful for that! Boys should know that girls talk and we do find things out. Also, sometimes it is as easy as getting on Facebook or Twitter.

“And yeah I might go with it if I hadn’t once been just like her.” – Taylor Swift (Girl At Home)

My heart does feel for these girls that have no clue what is happening while their boyfriends are at a different college. I once was that oblivious girl and luckily I had family and friends that had my back and was a great support system to get me through it. Being told by my close friends was one of the best things to happen for me and sometimes I wish that I could tell them and set them free like I was able to do, but who’s to say they will believe a stranger. It would probably not help anything and might even backfire on me. I’d be the one to blame. Is it even my business anyway? I don’t want to burn bridges. I will pray and hope that maybe one day something will change for them. That they may get the chance to move on to something better or these guys will learn what respect is. In the meantime, I will do just about as much as I can do. Confront the guys and tell them to respect the girlfriend they have or move on.

I got caught up.

It wasn’t your eyes.

Not even your smile.

I got caught up in someone that I couldn’t even explain why I was attracted. But I really was. That doesn’t happen very often for me. Usually there is something that sticks out or some kind of reason. But this one was different. A lot different from the same guys I had usually gave my attention to. Maybe it was the way he carried himself, the confidence he gave off, his witty ways, how he could hold a conversation. Something was there. It seemed like there was something between us possibly. You know how people say stuff like it felt like there was nobody else around. Like it was just the two of them? Like nothing else mattered at that moment? Yeah, that is a real thing too.

You tempted me

to taint my reputation,

to flirt with trouble.

You caught me.

You caught me.

Since the last “Boys” blog post, the number of dates I have been on has not increased very much at all. I could probably still count on one hand. I used to be a little bitter about it until I thought about it more and experienced my own small bank account, that dates in college are pretty slim. They cost money and money is very minimal in the lives of college students. BUT there are ways around it. Getting ice cream some night wouldn’t be that bad, going to a park and looking at the stars doesn’t cost anything, and even watching a movie together sounds good since that rarely happens either. With my busy schedule, a movie night sounds divine just to get my mind off things and having time away from reality and life for a little bit.

Some look,

but don’t touch

They don’t want

to take the chance.

For my project in Seminar of creative writing, I worked on poems with the extended metaphor of being a Barbie. That was fun. One them I made was about the idea of having me. I am still going through the boys that talk to me and act like their interested, and then don’t hear from them. It has become a pretty common thing to where I’m getting used to it. As my friend Marcus would say, “NEXT!”

Some flirt

with the idea of having me,

but it’s too much work.

They put me back on the shelf.

If you want something, you just gotta say it. Sometimes you have to be straightforward with boys and just tell them what you want. Unfortunately, they can’t read our minds. Sometimes they won’t know unless you speak up.

People pass

and time keeps going

while neither of us notice.

I’ve also felt this reoccurring thought of time. I am a junior in college now and I usually talk to guys my age or older. So you find someone you are interested in and they graduate in the next semester. So what do you do? Everyone in college have these plans and dreams, some concrete with others up in the air. Some interested in grad school and others with job opportunities in other towns. Is it the best idea to try to begin something? I found that I am kind of like Taylor Swift when it comes to boys. I don’t really care, I go with the flow and see where it takes me even when I have the big chance of getting burned and hurt down the road. I appreciate those exciting times and the thrill of what is going to happen. It’s nice to get to know people and learn something from them. Whether it is a reminder that the world is big, to not take life too seriously, or I learn something about myself through them.

I’ve had to deal with awkward situations and learned how to stay strong when I come across someone that I had a falling out with. I take it as learning experiences and opportunities to grow.

Distance. Another factor that gets in the way. You may find someone pretty cool, but there is a lot of land separating you. Yes, with technology, it is easy to skype, facetime, text, etc. But it’s a challenge to see each other in person. It’s even harder when you haven’t been with them and you are trying to start something. One said he would try for a relationship if I was at the same school, but I am not. I also had a guy I met at conference that goes to the University of Texas at San Antonio that read my “Boys” blog and had said he would take me on a date if he could. It’s just that…he is in Texas. He wants a manual on girls. I told him I’d send him one. Us girls aren’t the only ones requesting manuals on the opposite sex these days!

There were no colors on the white walls and cement stairs,

but he brought color to me.

One disappointment I’ve had to accept is losing a great friend. I loved hanging out with him and joking around. After a night of going back and forth, he sometimes doesn’t acknowledge me or the most we mutter to each other is, “hey.” I somewhat feel punished because I didn’t feel the same way. Maybe he was hurt. If you want to read about the possibility of girls and boys actually being just friends, read a past blog post of mine, “Can We Be Friends?: Friendships with the opposite sex.” Also, you can check out “A Touchy Subject” for another debate with the opposite sex subject!

I've heard I am intimidating. I'm flattered, but don't know if that works against me?

Texting is its own thing now. It almost seems like it is too complicated. How often should you text? Should you text first or wait for him? Should you reply right away or wait awhile? Is every day too much? Or every other day? It really hit me how complex we’ve made texting when I found myself sitting on the ground in the relationship section of the library reading through a book titled, “Flirtexting.” Yes, it is real too. It was a whole book dedicated to teach you how to “flirtext.” Apparently, it’s a new way of texting. It taught you how not to reply too fast because that shows you are desperate, how to be flirty with your messages, and reassured you that texting was beneficial because you had time to think of something witty and really polish what you want to say before you send it. Yes, as if us girls have nothing else to worry about, we now have texting to add to our list of things to overanalyze. One of my friends and I discuss the topic of texting. We are the type of girls that like to text a lot so we enjoy boys who know how to text and can text pretty frequently. It is hard to find a happy medium because it is possible for me to get annoyed with a boy who texts TOO much and then I get irritated if it takes awhile just to get a reply. So boys, that can give you something to think about! Are you a good texter?

P.S. Girls really really really like good morning and goodnight texts. Thought I’d put a word in J

Overview

Boys

1.      Cheap/free dates are possible. Just get creative! You don’t have to make it harder than it is.

2.      Avoid being a slow/minimal texter.

3.      Good morning and goodnight texts are always welcome!

4.      Girls almost always find things out!

5.      Be honest.

*Listening to Taylor Swift might also help to find out how girls feel in all kinds of situations!

Girls

1.      Try to “drop” something in your next kiss.

2.      Apparently don’t reply too fast or over text a guy!

3.      Boys are just as confused as we are.

4.      That means we have to speak up!

5.      Be honest.

It’s been a good time since my last post. Despite the couple tears, bumps in the roads, burns, and lies I had encountered, I’ve learned and I am happy about that. I thank the boys for the motivation and inspiration that I get to channel into poetry. I got A’s J I loved the movie moments and the times I’ve smiled. Can’t wait to see what the new year has in store in the boy department!

No sounds filled that empty stairwell

except our breath trying to catch up with us.

Please feel free to contact me with feedback, questions, answers or advice for me, and more!

Email: glitterandthegirlygirl.blogspot.com

Twitter: @rachelnmsparkle

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel