Hotline Bling: The Woman

Inspiration tapped me on the shoulder while I heard "Hotline Bling" by Drake on the way to work one morning. She asked, wouldn't it be cool if you did a female version that was from the woman's side? You should write that. Tweak and change some of the lyrics that will keep the song intact, but the perspective will be totally different from the woman's view. And so I obeyed. I did just that. This is what I produced.

Hotline Bling: The Woman

I used to call you on your

I used to, I used to…

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city,

I got a reputation for myself now

And I’ve wanted you to find out

A matter of time, you'd know somehow

‘Cause ever since you left the city,

I started wearing less and goin’ out more

Tryin’ to numb the heart that you left torn

With glasses of champagne out on the dance floor

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left the city, I, I, I

I’m just trying to go along

Like I’m fine and there’s nothing wrong

Going places, wanting to belong

Ever since you left the city,

I, I, I’ve been wanting something more

Running out of pages in my passport

Trying to find love I’ve never felt before

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

These days, all you do is

Wonder if I’m runnin’ my hands down the back of someone else

Wonder if I’m rollin’ over to kiss the lips of someone else

Doing things you showed me, gettin’ sexy for someone else

I don’t need no one else

I don’t need nobody else, no

Why do I feel alone?

Why do I always have to go?

Used to always stay at home, be a good girl

I was in a zone, yeah,

I should just be by myself

Right now, I’m with someone else

I used to call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

Call you on your cell phone

Late night when I need your love

And you know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

You know when that hotline bling

That can only mean one thing

Ever since you left me

...

Original lyrics can be found here.

Big Girl Jobs, Cute Boyfriends & Adele's New Album

Phhhhhheeeeeeewwwwwssshhhhhh!

That was just me blowing off the dust on my blog. Holy cats, it's been over a month since I have written to you on here. This post will be more of a life update my list of excuses as to why I haven't blogged.  But for real, once you get done reading, you might understand the hiatus.

The last post was created the week I had off in between jobs. And right before quite a whirlwind weekend spent with someone I like (and also referenced in my last post). So in the month of blog silence, the following happened:

• I started a new job as an event coordinator at Jack Stack Barbecue
• A cute boy asked me to be his girlfriend
• I turned 24
• Justin Bieber, Adele, and Coldplay all dropped new albums 
• Bought a lot of Christmas decorations and decorated the apartment with Anna

First, the job. 

Do you guys miss the "Girly Girl Goes Corporate" rambles? So I went from working at Black & Veatch headquarters that had thousands of employees to the cozy Catering and Private Dining offices of Jack Stack Barbecue. (Funny though, Black & Veatch is one of our biggest clients.) We got brand new cubes and the couple rounds of new office supplies made me feel like it was Christmas. 

Now let me tell you. It has been information overload. I've crammed and learned so much in the last month there. (And have also eaten a lot of barbecue.) So I experienced some growing pains and had to use my patience to learn. Something I have learned is that business is booming and I will never be bored. I will always be busy.  I've come to find that Jack Stack is quite popular and a staple in Kansas City. It's been a great experience so far and a neat Kansas City company to work for. Oh, and I do not work in the restaurants, I have my own cozy cube in an office. :)

My favorite Jack Stack foods so far: Pulled pork, cheesy corn bake (PLEASE try it if you haven't had it before!), loaded baked potato, and I was not lied to when people raved about the burnt ends.

So, the boy.

His name is Jordan. He was born and raised in Iowa and lives in Des Moines. Some may have wondered why I have posted quite a bit about Des Moines. Now you know! Question I get the most: Wait, so, how did you guys meet? Short version: He was in Kansas City back in March for the Big 12 tournament when Iowa State beat KU in the championship. (Sorry, Jayhawks to bring up the sore topic ;) ) He was at P&L celebrating and I was at P&L not for anything related to the basketball tournament. We very randomly met and here I am in a relationship with the guy. Little did I know what that chance meeting would turn into.

So I really did some deep dust scraping on that girlfriend label. This whole relationship thing was new and different for him too, so you should have seen how funny, ridiculous, and awkward we were when trying to figure out how to make it "Facebook official." 

We've been having fun on date nights in our cities and meeting each other's family and friends!

My favorite things about Jordan: How cute he is, he is super smart, and a master of using GIFs in text message conversations. This guy can make me laugh until I cry. 

Now I feel like I need to list my favorite songs off Adele's new album.

My favorite songs off Adele's new album:

1. When We Were Young

2. Remedy

3. Water Under The Bridge

4. Love In The Dark

5. Can't Let Go (Deluxe Album Song)

6. Hello (Because of course.)

If someone said I could only listen to one song off that album forever and ever, I would pick "Can't Let Go."

It's been birthdays on birthdays on birthdays and it's definitely the holiday season. Been spending lots of time with family and friends. I am glad to finally have some time to myself though. Myself has not been on the top of my list lately so I am working to change that and focus a little more on me. :)

Starbucks: How It's More Than PSL Drinks And Red Cups To Me

Yes, the red cups are here. 

Just like the return of the Pumpkin Spice Latte (PSL) marks the start of Fall for many people across the world, the red cup let's us know that the holidays are not far from us. But this post isn't all about how excited I am to be drinking from my first red cup of the season at this very moment. Nope. To me, Starbucks has become more than "basic" jokes and cool Instagram posts of my drinks.

It wasn't until college that I started to get into Starbucks and actually be able to afford to indulge in it from time to time. My senior year, I started to have coffee dates.

I also was now working in the President's Office at Emporia State University. I worked a Monday shift with a student I hadn't met before until working in the office. He was a few years older than me, married, and had spent time working in the Navy before his time at ESU. One Monday, he was going to the Union to get a Starbucks drink and offered to get me one too. Little did I know, this would be a weekly tradition we would later dub, "Coffee Monday."

Every Monday, during our shift he would grab us coffee and we would work, job search, talk about class, and anything else in between. We would look over each other's resumes that we were constantly tweaking and he would offer advice about a boy I had been seeing. It was a nice little treat to look forward to every Monday. I even got to have coffee at our Emporia Starbucks with him and his wife one time and was able to enjoy each other's company.

Since graduating, I am now in Kansas City and him and his wife are living in Colorado. We have been able to keep in touch and he has continued to be a great friend and a cheerleader. Last month, on a Sunday, I asked for his email and through the Starbucks website, I was able to send him a Starbucks e-gift card and told him we would have a virtual coffee Monday the next day. That Monday, I went to Starbucks over my lunch break and sent him a picture of it over Snapchat and he did the same.

I've been thankful for Starbucks which helped build a friendship and also gives us the capabilities to keep a little tradition going despite the distance. 

Starbucks has also become a happy place for me. After graduating from college, I moved back home and was soon training to compete in Miss Kansas USA and also enduring that hard job search as a recent college grad. I was transitioning from living the college life for the last four years, going through the funk of a relationship gone wrong, and the break up that came.

A new Starbucks opened close to home so I started to go there and use it as an office because I couldn't be in my bed all the time. I would order my drink and park at a table for hours. During my time there, I was working on fundraising efforts for the pageant, job applications, networking, and writing.

Pageant work, job searching, writing. Repeat. 

While I was unemployed, I didn't want to be stagnant. The pageant helped me personally work on myself in many ways and I wanted to focus on my blog and get my writing seen. Blog posts and articles were born, written, and sent in when I was at Starbucks. Poems were revised and tweaked. It was my time to be in the zone alone and get things done.

After a while, a couple baristas knew me by name and knew my order all the way down to the "no whip cream" when I wanted it on ice. I appreciated their friendly nature every time I chose to come in and be there for hours.

Eventually I got my first big girl job and life has taken off even faster. My Starbucks afternoons became nonexistent. This week, I am in between ending my first job last week and starting my new one next week. I scheduled a whole afternoon today to come to the Starbucks down the road from my apartment and dedicate it to my blog work.

This time I am not competing in a pageant. I'll be starting a new job next week. All I need to do is write and work on my blog. (And be excited to spend the weekend with someone I like ;) ) While my life has changed a lot over the last year, I still get the excited feeling to be here.

Thank you, Starbucks for helping me get through stressful days, being a comfort, a happy place, somewhere I can work, and spend time with my passion. Your yummy drinks delight my taste buds and make my tummy happy.

A loyal customer & gold card member,

*This post was not sponsored. It is strictly my own opinion.

Sunday Sprinkle: him + me

him + me 

a lot of initials have been carved

into me over the years

they are now scars on my bark

I used to be beautifully untouched

until there was me + him

first mark

[him + me] [me + him]

that’s what I thought they’d be

black letters etched

they have collected on my trunk

a trail has been worn around me

a romantic gesture permanently traced

Pine Needles

Fall has proven to be the most bitter, but also the sweetest season for me. As much as I love to feel the change in the air as it turns crisp on my face, it also reminds me of the pain I've experienced the past few years during this time.

Having my heart broken, experiencing a death that still feels too fresh, feeling lost, being unhappy. But it's tied to memories of making history, being crowned Homecoming Queen at a University that captured my heart, accomplishing huge feats, and well...being happy.

I've experienced the most extreme emotions on each side of the scale in this season. It can be overwhelming to feel them both at the same time.

This time is no different. It started brewing toward the end of August when I had adopted a cat with Anna, got my first major credit card, and bought my first car all in one week. I started enduring a lot of growing pains and the real world started to take its toll on me.

I've been one to run myself ragged and one Friday, I had to cancel plans with a friend because I was so drained and unhappy, that I needed some time with myself. Around that same time, I had gone outside of work to call my mom and ended up crying and breaking down because I was utterly overwhelmed and to the point that I was starting to become sick due to stress. I had to take the afternoon off of work to personally take care of myself.

September seemed to have a theme that anything and everything would go wrong. Things weren't working like they should be and processes weren't going smoothly. Stuff just wasn't going right.

Yet again, before dinner at my parents, after filling out tedious paperwork, I broke down in tears when I told my mom that my pay day was messed up and I was only paid for the week of labor day instead of the two weeks I should have been paid for. I was going to have to wait another couple weeks until my next pay day to get it all corrected. That labor day week wasn't even going to cover rent and my student loan bill I had due the coming days. I crunched numbers, I used savings, I budgeted, and I said no to things. I made it work.

I've wanted to write about those tough times for awhile because we tend to post our highlight reels on social media. Rarely, do we, and especially myself, like to admit when we are struggling or just simply unhappy. But we are human. Things happen. And that's okay.

My Instagram doesn't show you when I am sad or crying it out.  

Luckily, I am a firm believer in balance. There was no way I would continue to have shitty challenging stuff piling on my plate forever. Thankfully, October has deemed itself a happier month.

With the stress and unhappy emotions I was dealing with, I was glad to be going out of town for a vacation I knew I would later thank myself for booking on a whim. I didn't tell many people. I didn't make it a huge deal. I wanted it to be more of my own. My personal vacation. On a Wednesday night, I walked down the dark halls of MCI and flew out to Colorado.

I stayed with a good friend and spent the weekend in Estes Park. I hiked for the first time (5 hours, I might add!) and I was happy to do so in the Rocky Mountains. During college, I noticed that nature seemed to have a healing power over my soul whenever I was in a busy season or having a hard time. I could take a deep breath as I was surrounded my grass, trees, mountains, and I could just be.

 

My makeup didn't leave my bag once. The dresses I packed stayed folded. Heck, I didn't even shave once. I worked on 4 different poems. I started a book and got to page 100 by the end of the trip, which is a huge feat for me. I got to hang out with myself. I got to cry. And write more. I drank wine. I ate s'mores. I played games. And wrote some more.

During my trip, I was also visited with my high school English teacher. It had been years. Within minutes of seeing her, she said, "I have a book for you" and handed it to me to take. We talked for an hour and by the end, I felt like I took a shot of life--straight; with no chasers. My soul felt renewed and refreshed from being around a past piece of myself. A woman whom I realized was one of the first influences to my feminist nature.

We discussed books, education, racial issues, and she thanked me for not having kids just yet.

 

Between her and the nature, it was like I used pine needles to insert life back into my veins. As I walked the trails, I kept opening my spirit and telling inspiration and ideas that I am open for service and I wanted their biz. I drank and ate the rocks, the water, the mountains and everything in between so I could fuel my soul as much as possible.

I was no longer feeling stagnant. I arrived at the Denver airport in a long sleeve, yoga pants, tall Nike socks, no make up, hair in a low bun, and I took myself to a restaurant & brewery and while I waited for my flight, I indulged on wings and a big tall beer. Because I could. Because I wanted to.

Traveling and going through an airport alone is one thing that just really excites me inside. I feel like I walk a little taller and there is an extra pep in my step. It's a form of freedom that's hard to explain. While I was hiking the mountains, I was sort of in awe of my life and myself in that moment.

I am not defined by someone else. There wasn't permission that I needed granted in order to be there. I paid my ticket. I was doing what I wanted. Because I could. Because I wanted to. And that felt quite empowering.

Life is tough. And they aren't trying to yank your chain about the real world. Believe them on that one. Shake things up. Go to a different place for a bit. Renew, recharge, refresh. The seasons help with that. They are gentle reminders that we need change. Fall and I have a special bond. She tells me with her crisp breeze on my face.

From your Rocky Mountain Mermaid,

Sunday Sprinkle: Somewhere Out There

Somewhere Out There

            Standing on my balcony in Kansas

and the most I hear is the hum of a generator,

a couple random birds, and an obnoxious duck.

The quietest my life has been since I don’t even know.

            It’s a Saturday night, too.

My soul doesn’t know how to stand still like the tree I’m seeing.

In this quiet concrete moment, I know there are thousands

of people in stadiums watching a game. My soul can hear the bustle of traffic

and people trying to find a parking spot in the city. She can hear

the clank of dishes and glasses being served at ritzy restaurants and busy bars.

            Ah, the mood lighting.

Someone is tasting sweet wine on their lipstick lips.

And some guy has his eye on her.

But no drop of makeup on me tonight.

Instead of a tight short skirt that’s worn by ladies across the world,

            it’s tight yoga pants for me.

I may not be participating in the world tonight, but I wonder

if I’m running through someone’s thoughts or if my name is being said

            or sitting on someone’s tongue.

Is someone thinking about sending me a text,

but deleting it before they press send? Is someone wishing

I were right there next to them laughing and carrying on? Does someone want me

to tell them a story right now?

            Does someone’s bed feel empty?

Are my pictures being looked at and are my words being read?

I might not be out there tonight, but part of my soul is somewhere out there.

She’s out there as someone is having a first kiss and others are

stumbling out of bars drunk and getting into cabs.

            She’s out there.

Floating across time zones. She left me at home. She knows I need the rest.

Sunday Sprinkle: X.X.

X.X.

a smile for you, Jake

I.

One day after class, we sat on my couch and we resembled

high schoolers in college-kid bodies the way we sat side-by-side

and flirted and giggled. And how he doodled two stick-figure people

on my thigh with his pen from school. One of the characters had

real tall hair. I took a picture of it and didn’t wash it off right away.

II.

With a cheesy horror flick on that he rented for us,

we laid on the living room floor atop my pink quilt blanket.

I laid on my stomach as I talked to him.

My finger gently tracing the tattoo on the inside of his arm – JG

It was the night he kissed me for the first time.

III.

I was standing on the patio of the bar he had first recommended

to me months before. Before he started working there.

The bar I went out to for the very first time.

He was working that night as a bouncer.

He came out the door to the patio charging straight toward me.

Almost the way he would if he saw a fight beginning.

Without saying a word, he pulled me in and gave me a big kiss.

It felt like to him I was the only girl there. The only one that mattered.

IV.

In the back alley of the bar, I was about to walk home with a friend

and he snuck away from his job and he kissed me quickly and told

her to protect me and keep me safe, “because she is awesome,” he said.

V.

After he helped me load up my car for my summer back home,

we stood in the living room of my place and I had my arms around his neck.

I kissed those big lips of his and his gorgeous smile.

I put my hands on his cheeks to feel the scruff on his face

and he asked, “Are you going to miss me?”

My head shook the biggest yes it could.

Long before I knew the kind of missing it would be.

Apartment Life: My Bathroom

The shower curtain. 

Out of all the things that I was buying and envisioning as I was putting together my room, closet, and bathroom, the damn shower curtain had me the most stressed out. Why?

I had searched websites and I had gone to multiple Targets and tried Bed Bath & Beyond thinking these stores would surely have something that would win me over. I knew that since I was already incorporating a lot of dark and neutral colors with my room and closet, I wanted my bathroom to be bright and colorful. They should have that, right?

No. Nothing. I couldn't find anything that made me happy inside and I wasn't in a mood to settle. And it was getting complicated trying to find other bathroom necessities when I didn't have the focal point to work from. I was soon in crunch time mode too.

Of course, I naturally fell in love with a company, DENY Designs, that happens to be on the higher price range for shower curtains. High enough to where I wasn't sure if I could justify paying that much for a shower curtain.

But I got lucky.

It just so happened to be 4th of July weekend when I was trying to make my final decision when they were having a sweet sale to celebrate the holiday. I still kept going back and forth, but it just seemed meant to be!

So I searched their website for hours on a couple different occasions that weekend because DENY's selection is that big and there are so many patterns that I loved. It was a tough decision. I also was worried about the quality of the shower curtain. The pictures on the site make it hard to visualize. I even looked up reviews and blogs to double make sure.

I finally pulled the plug, picked the pattern, used the sale, and soon my shower curtain was in just in time for the move!

I was also able to get the rest of my bathroom decor and loved that there were so many colors to pull from. I definitely achieved the vision I dreamed up. So let's get to the details!

Shower Curtain - DENY Design in "Some Hearts" pattern

Shower hooks - Target

Soap dispenser - Target

Toothbrush holder - Target

White and blue bathroom rugs - IKEA (Only $9.99 each! And they are super soft!)

Towels - Target

Trashcan - The Container Store

Drawer/sink organizers - The Container Store

Since I splurged on the shower curtain, I kept it simple and inexpensive on the rest of the necessities and decor.

I love my shower hooks! I think they add a little extra feminine feel to the bathroom. They even give off a cool glow in certain lighting.

If you haven't experienced The Container Store yet, you need to. Especially if you are a lover of organization, this place will give you some feels. It has all sorts of organization mechanisms for every place in your home. I picked up these organization blocks to put in my drawer so everything has its place and I am not fumbling through hair ties and other random things to find a bobby pin in a hurry!

I bought bigger blocks for under my sink to hold other little bathroom goodies from lady products, bubble bath, razors, lotions, etc. The Container Store also has dividers for these cubes. I have one that separates my miscellaneous things from my nail care products.

So far my bathroom has been turning into a Taylor Swift bathroom. I have my huge frame in which I switched the poster to the reverse side of her with a bunch of colorful balloons from her Speak Now World Tour. I recently purchased a photo from her 1989 World Tour and put it in a sparkly frame that was given to me by a BFF. It just seemed to fit well and I still needed something to go above my towel rack. I am thinking of somehow incorporating lyrics from her song "Clean," to go above the doorway!

That's a look at my bathroom and some backstory on how it came to be. I still think there is more to be added, but I love how it has come together so far! What cool features does your bathroom have?

Things I Could Do List

I can finally stop resisting fall and fully embrace it now that it actually began last week. I have already tried a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte for the first time and I even tried their brand new Toasted Graham Latte the day it came out. My nails are a dark purple and our fall "Welcome" mat is now on our doorstep. So let's proceed to the good stuff.

I am one of those suckers for changes in seasons and new months and heck, sometimes new weeks. My life has been far from chill and alone time has been non-existent. This last weekend though, I finally booked a weekend for myself and said no to pretty much any invite that came my way. This included 3 different P&L happy hours, I might add.

So last weekend I decided to devote its entirety to getting s#!t stuff done as well as letting myself relax and do things I love. By the end of it, I was feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, and accomplished. But how did I keep myself on track?

Lists are a love of mine. I need them. So my cluttered brain can remember what the heck I need to do and to help my distracted mind stay somewhat focused. Over the weekend, I had some errands I had to run and things I did have planned at a certain time, but the rest was going to be guided by my "Things I Can Do This Weekend" list.

It was broken into categories: Errands, Blog, Adulting, Random

I wrote down anything and everything I could think of that I have been wanting to get done for months, had put off, or just wanted to do. As soon as I got home from work that Friday, I excitedly hung it up on the fridge and happily highlighted things I completed as I finished them. It was a nice visual and a great central place to be seen and reminded.

One thing I really like about this idea, this list, is that it wasn't so daunting being called a "to-do" list where it makes me feel like I have to get everything done. It's a "things I could do" list. I had all these things I could do and refer to throughout the weekend. There was no way I could have any time to be bored.

I didn't get every single thing done, but I did accomplish a lot and even more that wasn't on the list too. I enjoyed my weekend so much and loved the feeling of tackling a bunch of stuff finally. So I made you your own "Things I Could Do" list that you can use for a weekend or a whole week. Whatever time frame would work best for your schedule!

Feel free to save the image or if you prefer to have a PDF version, give me your email in the comment section below or contact me at thegirlygirl@theglitterylife.com and I will send it your way!

Let me know how your list goes and how you feel afterward!

That One Time I Wanted a Bloody Mary

I just wanted a damn Bloody Mary.

It was a rough week of work. Friday rolled around finally and I wanted to satisfy my craving for a Bloody Mary. I was going to get one even if it meant achieving it alone. I was supposed to have a date that night and he had cancelled again. So I really was going to do what I wanted because that kind of stuff can't stop, won't stop me.

As soon as I got home, I threw on a dress and freshened up my lipstick and hair. Then I made my way to Yard House all by myself and I walked in and told the hostess it was just me and I wanted to sit outside on the patio. It would be a 45 minute wait. I told her I would go shop and come back and I took that black brick so it could buzz at me when they were ready and thew it in my purse.

I made my way to Off Broadway shoes store and started trying on an array of high heels that I had my eyes on. I was trying to get my strappy sandals back on so I could start making my way back to Yard House when all of the sudden one of the straps broke. Completely broke. I looked at the time and frantically thought, well I am in a shoe store, surely I can buy a pair of sandals real quick! 

Hobbling around with a broken sandal, I went down the isles and tried a couple on, but couldn't find a pair that I loved and would actually spend $40+ on. I kept checking the time knowing that any minute, they would be trying to buzz that black brick, but I wouldn't know because I was way down the way at another store.

So I decided I would suck it up and take myself back to Yard House with my broken shoe. I hurried as much as I could in the done-for-sandal with the heat of the summer sun making me start to sweat. I made my way down the front hall of Yard House and waited.

I looked around me and finally noticed all the couples and the groups of girls. There was a huge country concert that would be happening that night. Couples dressed up nicely. Girls with their perfectly fresh blonde curls, cute outfits, and boots to go with them.

Here I was; frazzled, hot, standing there waiting wearing my broken sandal. I wore a bright dress and my short brown hair was fiercely slicked back.

I started to get uncomfortable. But I had gone out to eat alone plenty of times! I told myself. But it wasn't on a Friday night, in a dress, full makeup, surrounded by people that aren't like me. I was so frustrated with how the week went and even that past hour. I wanted to ditch the whole plan and just go home.

I knew I couldn't though. I had craved and wanted a Bloody Mary so much. There was no way I was going to let the shoe mishap, the cancelled date, and the other dates that were actually happening win. I knew I was so much stronger than that.

So after waiting longer and longer, I finally asked the hostess what was up. Why hadn't I been seated yet? They had indeed tried buzzing that black brick while I was gone, but I was too far away for it to work. Then they continued on down the list. They finally were able to sit me outside on the patio. And boy, did I order that Bloody Mary and even a salad.

On that summer Friday night, I sat a table by myself among tables of couples and girls with their best friends as I caught up on messages. Messages from friends in different states. No matter if I am physically alone, I always have friends across the US in the palm in my hand. That evening, I was giving my input on wedding outfit ideas for a couple of my close guy friends miles away.

I took my notebook out of my purse, grabbed a pen, and started writing and brainstorming ideas for my blog while I sat at the table eating and drinking to my delight.

I already knew this would be good writing material.#NeverADullMoment

The night I got my damn Bloody Mary

Unboxing Our Social Causes

I like people.

As I have grown and dabbled in “the real world,” I know other humans that would cringe or think I am crazy to actually like and enjoy people.

I also care.

Put those two statements together and you have me declaring that I care about people.

My high school and college experiences and beyond have shown me that diversity is important to me, anyone should be able to love whomever they want to freely, and that girl power is awesome.

As a little girl, I didn’t exactly pick social causes and human rights issues that I would care about. Experiences and people influenced me.

Actor, Matt McGorry wrote an article, "How Becoming A Feminist Felt Like Falling In Love" for Cosmopolitan and explains how he unexpectedly became a feminist.

"Much like finding someone to love, you can't really know what to look for in a social cause until it crosses your path. You can use all the words that you want to describe what you're looking for, but at the end of the day, when you find the right one at the right point in your life, you'll know."

That’s how I felt when I eventually found myself leading an organization for women that strongly aligned with being a feminist. I barely knew what it meant to be a feminist, but I was embodying it more and more whether I knew it or not.

While I have accepted and have been labeled a feminist by others, I have recently been pondering and liking the idea of taking on the role of a humanist.

Humanist – (n.) a person with a strong concern for human welfare, values, and dignity.

Sarah Jessica Parker explains it beautifully in her interview for the August issue of Cosmopolitan.

“As [playwriting] Wendy Wasserstein would say, I’m a humanist. I’m enormously appreciative of the work that my mother’s generation did. We are the beneficiaries of a lot of disappointment, heartache, discouragement, and misunderstanding. But I see a lot of people trying to sort out their roles. People of color, gays, lesbians, and transgenders who are carving out this space. I’m not spitting in the face or being lazy about what still needs to be done – but I don’t think it’s just women anymore. We would be so enormously powerful if it were a humanist movement.”

I’ve endured a lot of pain and grief as an ally to African-Americans and the LGBT communities because I have seen circumstances impact people in my personal life. I’ve cried when they have been discriminated, disrespected, and bullied. And I’ve tried to provide love, support, a voice, and my words.

I read the frustrated posts from my fellow classmates and Sumner alumni when it came to Ferguson and the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

I have listened to struggles gay and lesbian couples have endured from not being treated equally compared to other couples.

And man, do I know quite a few beautiful gay African-American men with raw talents and fabulous souls. In our society, you would think they have two big “disadvantages.” And that’s a shame.

This is what I want people to start thinking about. Taking on a humanist point of view. Where you aren’t just boxed into one movement. 

I cried over and over the day the Supreme Court ruled gay marriage to be legal in all 50 states for multiple reasons. I was beyond thrilled that the day finally came and a lot sooner than I had imagined. But soon after, I was writing in defense of a dear gay friend on Facebook when an African-American past classmate of ours was not exactly being supportive.

My heart was breaking to think that someone who has been wrestling with the issues in the African-American community wasn’t being positive about a major breakthrough in another community that has also struggled and battled through the years. It had to be turned into a comparison of who has endured the most pain and fought the bigger battles.

We as people have become great at comparing apples to oranges. We are good at pointing fingers. Imagine what we could do if we spent that time on positive energy and change.

Let’s cross over the fences of our boxes to our neighbors and hug them when they feel defeated and give them a high-five when they achieve a victory. The warmth and love should feel comforting whether it’s coming from a person of a different color, sexual orientation, or man.

A good friend of mine once told me, “I also can't even describe how phenomenal you are for even caring about the things that you don't have to.” That had never occurred to me.

Matt McGorry explains this position well:

“Even now, I acknowledge that my own privilege affords me the luxury of this cushy and positive outlook on fighting inequalities and injustices. I have the choice to confront these issues — they aren't implicit in my life due to my gender, the color of my skin, my sexual preference, or any other parts of who I am as a person.”

I may get looked at for being the girl that doesn’t have to worry about other people’s battles and that it’s easy for me to cheer while on the sidelines. But it’s not. Sometimes I feel ashamed that I may have an upper hand compared to some of my friends. It’s not fun for me to see my friends hurt. And I also don’t forget that I am a woman and still experience my own inequalities and discrimination based on my gender.

But for those that are privileged for whatever reason they may be, I encourage you to use your privileges for the good of others. Put it to use. You may not know what you are capable of doing and how much you can make an impact on other people’s lives even if it’s as simple as providing a listening ear or showing up for someone else.

My ears are listening. My eyes are reading. My heart is feeling. My humanist yard is open.

Filled with love, from a big-hearted ally,

Sunday Sprinkle: (A Sketch)

This is a sketch of a poem I started earlier this year. I wanted to show you all the starting points. I hope to eventually add to this and play with more nature-like comparisons. Once it is revised and polished, you can see the differences and evolution of the poem. 

Title is still yet to be imagined

You're a big gulp of fresh air.
The kind after a spring rain that lasts all day.
When the lungs are woken up from winter.

You're the breath that's caught
after stepping out of the car for the night.
When you look up at the sky sprinkled with stars.

You're the vines I want to get tangled up in.
The ones that grow together.

Sunday Sprinkle: 'Round Midnight by Kim Addonizio

Poem by Kim Addonizio

'Round Midnight 

In the book I’m reading: hard rain,
spike heels on pavement,
a man waiting in a rented room

to draw a woman down onto his bed.
She’s the wrong woman,
she’s a car wreck in a silk dress

and he can’t wait to touch her.
No plot without desire,
the more desperate the better.

I look up to find that here, too,
it’s raining. And now that I’m back
in my own quiet life

I feel like a character who’s barely
been imagined yet, just a name
wearing a faded T-shirt,

reaching for her glass of cold wine.
If only the river would surge into the streets,
if only a tree would uproot itself

or the roof fly off in a funnel of black wind.
Such is my life: A minute ago I was happy,
immersed in a book. Now I feel misery

only violence could cure. Now
I have to invent a story
to drag me out into the city,

toward music and grainy light
and the wrong men, I have to discover
what it is that I want

And who I’m going to have to hurt to get it.

Black & Veatch 100 Year Anniversary Celebration

9:00AM on the first day of May,

I sat in a modern type chair in the new Rodman Innovation Pavilion at Black & Veatch. I was wearing a new outfit from Express and black heels from Target that easily made me feel fabulous.

I was nervous.

I checked my phone again. I was anxiously waiting for my new boss to come get me from the lobby and whisk me away to my new floor and my first cubicle ever.

An email notification appeared on my phone's screen. And then another popped up right after. I had my first meeting at 10AM and another at 11AM.

I still hadn't even seen my desk yet.

I didn't get to dip a toe in or ease my body into the waters of corporate life. I was shoved in. 

I needed to learn how to swim fast. 

The 9 o'clock hour was a blurred rush of office supplies and computer setup before my first meeting in which I sat at a large table in a conference room with a few glass walls. I immediately felt like I was sitting in an episode of Mad Men as our client walked in bearing cupcakes and a formal presentation on what they had to offer us.

They were going to be helping us with the planning, set up, logistics, contracts, and so much more in between for the 100 year anniversary celebration at Black & Veatch World Headquarters.

More times than I can count, I struggled to wrap my head around the idea that my job at the moment was solely focused on this one event and that I was communicating with close to 100 offices across the globe to ensure they held their own celebration as well.

Emails were sent to Australia, to South Africa, to Russia, to Saudi Arabia, the United Kingdom and more. 

A little over 3 months later, the event came to life. The maps and the diagrams and the layouts were no longer on just paper and sent in emails and discussed in meetings. I watched a man on stilts entertain kids, ate from one of the 28 food trucks, danced to the live band, and wondered among 6,000 guests in attendance.

I couldn't have been more thankful for the shove and learning how to swim and keep going in my first corporate job. I got to be part of a team and meet new people. The Excel sheets, stress, last minute changes, meetings, details were all right before my eyes. I learned what my 23-year-old-self could be capable of.

I sat at a picnic table and listened to the CEO tell the crowd, "The sun never sets on Black & Veatch today"as he explained that celebrations would start in Melbourne and end in San Francisco.

A highlight from the event was having Ed Eilert, Johnson County chair, in attendance. He is an Emporia State alum and was part of the Blue Key charter class back in the 60's and inducted into the Hall of Fame. He was at ESU when I was inducted at the re-charter ceremony in 2012. We were able to connect and chat quite a bit about my role at Black & Veatch, the event, and Emporia State. 

Ed Eilert and I at the B&V 100 Anniversary event

The weather was perfect and a classic Kansas sunset made an appearance as the event was winding down. By the time I was about to leave, it was already dark and I grabbed my things from the front desk of the Rodman Innovation Pavilion. Where I once was nervous, I was now relieved, tired, and a huge event for a global corporation was now under my belt. 

You can also read about the event here and here. Want to know more about Black & Veatch? Watch this really cool video!

Apartment Life: My Nook & Gallery Wall

This might be one of my favorite parts of my room.

Shortly before finding our apartment, I had come across this blog post on "But First, Coffee," which sparked my inspiration to create a corner in my new room that would be for writing, reading, and relaxing. 

I had a lot of fun finding different pieces that would be included in my gallery wall. I had never heard of the term "gallery wall," until I finally used Pinterest for what it actually exists for and stumbled upon this blog post, which stoked my creative sparks. 

I wanted a variety of things to be included on my wall. Things that would inspire me, make me smile, remind me of things, and be quirky and fabulous all the same. I was excited to find pieces from various places. I also wanted the frames to be different varieties. The black framed "Keep It Real" is actually glittery, but doesn't show well in the picture. The Sex & The City frame is a 3D acrylic frame. A cool effect that also ties in with my acrylic desk chair.

To hang them up, I first brainstormed by placing and sorting them on the ground as a way to start to get a vision going. I wanted a balance between colors and then it turned into different themes between the two walls, which was a nice added bonus. I pretty much free handed and eye balled when I hung everything up. It was nice to get messy and not so perfectly lined up. One of the cool aspects of gallery walls.

This wall reminds me to be myself, to keep it real, and also represents family and friendship, which I cherish dearly. And it might also remind me to be fabulous and funny too! (A great combo in my book)

• The toucan bird and "Don't quit your day dreams" quote - Hobby Lobby
• Keep It Real artwork - Shop Ban.do
• Sex & The City picture - Amazon
• Cats and Sprinkles artwork - Just Daydreaming (a small business from the UK!)

Can I tell you how much I love this chair?! I fell in love pretty easily. It was grey, which was in my color palette I wanted to work with and the studding gives it that extra dash of style that makes it me. I found it Nebraska Furniture Mart. The white pillow is probably the best pillow I have ever met in my life to date. It is super duper soft, plush, and a larger size for a throw pillow. The black pillow accents it very well with sequence and beading to give the whole look a touch of sparkle. Both pillows were from Pier 1. (The black one was on clearance for $9.95!) One thing that I have liked about the chair so far is that Anna and friends will sit in it when they visit me in my room. :) 

The wall containing "Don't Quit Your Day Dreams" also includes my picture from graduating college, our class picture from the re-chartering of Blue Key, my Blue Key certificate, as well as my I'm So Glam I Sweat Glitter decoration I got for a birthday present a couple years ago. This wall has a theme of chasing your dreams, but also remembering that it takes hard work. And you just might break a sweat doing it!

Needless to say, I am in love with my cozy little nook.

Sunday Sprinkle: Charmed Drawings

This poem is an old favorite of mine. I wrote it as an exercise and practice for myself while I was taking poetry classes in college. It's an imitation poem of Kim Addonizio's "A Childhood" from her book, Tell Me. The lines follow a specific ABCD pattern and are repeated in different ways. It was really fun to follow such a narrow structure with repetition while trying to show a story. 

Charmed Drawings

We walked home under the stars

after a late night at the bars.

He charms me

the way he always does.

After a late night at the bars

people let their bodies and mouths run free

the way he always did.

I don’t know what draws me to him.

People let their mouths run free.

I have to figure out what to believe

and what draws me to him.

He weakens me.

I try to figure out what to believe.

I wonder if he even likes me.

He weakened me

and I decide to go home with him.

I wonder if he even likes me.

I kiss him anyway.

After all, I went home with him

because I’m drawn to him.

I kiss him anyway

because he charmed me

because he knew I’m drawn to him

when we walked home under the stars.

Rachel Ramble: Bubble Baths & Stress Fests

Wait. It's already the 3rd of August?

Currently: Singing to the Tony Bennett & Lady Gaga Cheek to Cheek album while I type.

I am pretty much settled into the new place now (finally) and now we are one week and a day-ish away from the big event at work! (holy smokes)

You can imagine with the celebration right on the horizon, I have been living in a stress fest and here are some results of that stress fest:

• I have been trying to relax when I can so I asked my lovely Facebook friends for recommendations for bubble bath. And of course, they delivered. I ended up getting bubbles from Lush cosmetics. I love that the blue one was named Dorothy and was described to take you "Somewhere over the Lush rainbow." (clever)
• Bee tee dubs...Bath & Body Works has a couple new lines of candles out and it was hard to pick just one two.

• I've been working really hard and also haven't bought new tennis shoes in over a year (it's about time for new ones anyway), so I treated myself to new kicks. Day dreaming of future beautiful runs and sweat sessions at the gym.

• Anna and I ordered take out cheesecake from Cheesecake Factory and picked it up in our sweatpants.
• I started reading Gala Darling's Radical Self Love book and I loved this quote so much, I tweeted it. 

You may think that you want to look different, but what you really want is to feel different. 

And then Gala Darling favorited and retweeted it and I might have freaked out just a little and tweeted about how ecstatic I was that she did that and then she favorited that too so it became a vicious cycle of excitement. It was a lot to handle in just a few minutes.

The last couple weeks have consisted of:

Two Sporting KC games | Westport nights | Trying a new coffee shop | New food places | Visits from out of town friends | Bubble baths | Glitter nail polish | Big Brother | A lot of work | Pretty Kansas sunsets | My nephew turning 16

Current obsessions: My new super duper soft blanket from Target & V8 tomato juice

Just did some air piano.