Sunday Sprinkle: All the Time

All the Time

I’ve never had all of you.

But she does. She has you.

All the time.

Except for the when you see me.

When you send me a message or a text.

When you look at me in a certain way.

When I lay next to you.

I can act like I have you

          for that moment.

But it’s not real.

I’m not your reality.

I’m a fantasy.

Maybe even a goddess.

I’m a high.

A fixation.

A sin.

I’m an attraction.

An infatuation.

I might even live in your imagination.

You live in mine.

Because all I can do is imagine a real life with you.

Just you and me.

All the time.

Journal Scribble: I Miss You

January 27 -- My bed

I don’t really know who I miss. Or what I miss. Or where I miss. The more people I meet, the more places I go, the more things I experience; the more I miss. Sometimes I think about how I always will be constantly missing someone, somewhere, something. Maybe it’s a thing that happens when your heart is real big.

I Miss You.

I Miss You by Blink 182 has been a favorite song of mine since about the 6^th grade. It’s a song that has been part of numerous stages, people, and moments in my life. A lot of songs are tied to people, places, and things, but this one has the most wear. It started in middle school when I would listen to it over and over again thinking about my crush and wishing he would notice me. When I daydreamed about what my first kiss would be like. In high school, I would listen to it and think about how much I missed the boy I screwed things up with. The first one I loved or at least what my high school heart could handle. I would visit it in college and a lot of times I wrote with it on repeat. I’ve fantasized about slow dancing to it with a boy. My insides move and my eyes close when Mark sings, “Wish this never ends” and the music swells. I went on a date in college at this place outside of town and had a delicious dinner followed by a couple drinks in a dive bar. He drove us back to town and on the dark country road we found out how much we both like Blink 182. We both sang along to it and that night would be the first time he kissed me. I’ve had tears in my eyes when Tom Delonge asks, “Will you come home and stop this pain tonight, stop this pain tonight?” I’ve probably listened to it more than 1,000 times over the years and that is not an exaggeration. As I sit here writing with it on repeat, I’m still not sure who I miss, what I miss, or where I miss. But I do know I’m always missing something.

Sunday Sprinkle: When Rain Falls In Love

When Rain Falls In Love

The first drop of rain kisses the pavement,

more starts to trickle down to earth.

drip, drop.

The water drops all boundaries,

lets the walls down

so it can fall

in love

with the pavement,

in love

with the blades of grass too.

It wants to be soaked up

by the summer soil that needs it

because the rain needs the soil too.

pitter, patter.

The raindrops collide

on life’s railing that I hold on to.

But the rain knows not to clutch

on to the clouds. They let themselves

fall freely in love with the ground.

*Published in Emporia State University student literary journal Quivira 2013

The Worst-Case Scenarios

Have you already brainstormed and mapped out your plan of action if Michael Meyers from the Halloween movies just came busting through your house tonight? Do you watch scary movies and think you would have reacted better and would be a little smarter in the decision making process while being chased down by the monster?

Sometimes we imagine those worst-case scenarios and we may ponder what we would do if they were to come true. Read through a couple of my ridiculous and slightly hilarious worst-case scenarios.

The Taco Bell Drive Thru

One morning into early afternoon, I had been cleaning my room and getting things done when I finally remembered I needed to grab something to eat for lunch. I was wearing Victoria’s Secret PINK pajama pants with the word PINK stretching across my butt. I also graced a sweatshirt and a really messy bun. I slipped on cheetah-print rain boots. I figured I am just going through the drive thru. Who is really going to see?

I had already placed my order at Taco Bell and was waiting in a long line in the drive thru. This was slow moving. I looked down at my dashboard to see the gaslight had made an appearance. I was sitting on that E.

Then I looked at my phone. I was at 4%.

Let the thoughts come rolling in.

It began with: what if I run out of gas in the middle of this taco bell drive thru with these people in front and back of me? What if I am driving home and I run out of gas? One thought was that at least I would have tacos to chow down on while I waited for help.

But what if my phone at 4% dies when I try to contact my parents? Part of me wanted to try to send a text to my mom to say, “Heads up, if I don’t come home after awhile, assume I ran out of gas so just come find me somewhere on the way to Taco Bell.” But that would take away from my battery life. I needed to save as much as I can!

And then the ultimate thought came.

If I ran out of gas and my phone dies while I am on the road back home, I would have to walk somewhere to ask for help and maybe a phone to call home. That’s when it dawned on me.

I was wearing pajama pants with PINK glittering across my butt and cheetah print rain boots. This would be my luck. This would be the worst-case scenario. A-trifecta-of- embarrassment. Maybe this was the perfect set up and it indeed would happen.

Luckily, none of that happened.

But the suspense made for a fun wait in line.

Funny scenarios happen on road trips. Read on about our hotel fire experience! 

A Hotel Fire

It was a Sunday morning approximately around 9:30am in a hotel room in Oklahoma City. Kirsten lying in bed passing the time on her phone while Anna and I were still deep asleep. I was in the middle of weird dreams. I was dreaming that Kirsten was trying to buy my evening gown I wore in Miss Kansas USA.

Suddenly, there was a loud buzzing. And then a light started flashing. An automated voice sounded informing there was an emergency in the hotel. My eyes quickly opened and my body immediately got out of bed. It was the automatic reaction that was conditioned in me from the dorms my freshman year of college when we were woken up every night during finals week by fire alarms being pulled.

“What are you taking?! I am taking all of my stuff!” Kirsten asked in a frazzled voice as I could hear her stuffing her belongings into her bag.

“Uh, I – uh, I think I am just going to take my purse,” I said still trying to fully wake up and use my mind. I grabbed my pink purse.

I kept looking around for something to throw over me and my Katy Perry t-shirt. I wasn’t wearing a bra.

And neither was Anna.

The buzzing kept going and the message that there was an emergency in the hotel still sounded.

“I am going to see if there are other people leaving,” I explained as I walked to the door and popped my head out looking back and forth down the hall.

As I went back to my things, it stopped. It became quiet. Kirsten opened the door to the hallway and a lady with a clipboard said everything was fine.

It was a quick minute of confusion and panic.

We were informed as we were checking out that it was too much hairspray that had triggered their laser system that made it go off.

But as we discussed the moment and laughed over the situation in the car, we realized how ridiculous we were in the moment and the possible mistakes we were about to be make.

Kirsten had claimed she had packed just about everything, even down to her shampoo, but had forgotten her phone charger. So, if the place had really burned down or something disastrous, she possibly could have had a dead phone, but at least her hair would smell good.

I realized I had grabbed my purse, but my ID, debit card, and cash were actually in my smaller purse I had taken out with me on the town the night before. I hadn’t put them back in my purse. So I would have been ID-less with no money.

And Anna and I would have continued to be braless.

We laughed at the brief random moment of panic and continued our road trip.

 …

Ever have those ridiculous worst-case scenarios? Share your stories in the comments section!

Sunday Sprinkle: Glittered the Sky

Glittered the Sky

At night, I look up to see the stars that glitter the sky.

It takes my breath away for a moment

and then gives it back to let me shine too.

…

Sunday Sprinkle: A Bad Reminder

A Bad Reminder

Somehow, someway, or another

I became your bad reminder.

Not from my actions or anything I said,

but everything you pretended and all that you did.

You can’t escape from the thing you lost.

We didn’t last forever, but I will.

I’ll be in your mind next to all the lies I bought

and the void you’re trying to fill.

The after-taste that won’t go away.

I’m not here to haunt. You choose to stay.

…

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

BUILD Beauty: Turning 4

There they sat. Over 10 girls in dresses and skirts sitting on couches and chairs as I walked into the living room of the President’s house at Emporia State University. There were only a couple faces that were familiar to me, and the rest I was taking in for the very first time.

A second in and I was already a tad overwhelmed.

I was handed a pink binder with gold accents and decoration. It was the 2015 BUILD Beauty Confidence Book. Just at first glance, I thought about the one I made a few years ago and how this one kicked that one’s ass. This one was so much cooler.

And that is the point of being a leader. You want them to be better and do better than what you were and what you did before you left.

After desert, we came back in the living room and I sat in a chair across from them and it wasn’t long before I started facilitating discussion. I learned about the things BUILD Beauty had done the past year, which included an inner beauty pageant, two guy panels, and baking food for the community. They shared plans for their future that included getting even more involved with the community and possibly doing something with the Girl Scouts.

We talked about women’s issues and what they felt about them.

It was a good open discussion that led to one girl sharing with us that as a young mom she deals with the stereotype that she won’t go anywhere in life or won’t be as successful. She takes her 2-year-old daughter with her to BUILD Beauty meetings. The night at the President’s house was one of the first nights she got out alone and she was proud.

I was swimming in emotions.

…

Growing up, I never sought out to be a role model for women, the word feminism wasn’t in my vocabulary just yet, and women empowerment was not a topic in my brain even through high school.

So lately, I've been searching for what it was exactly that ignited inside me which led me to where I am today. If I had to pinpoint a place, it would be spring break of my freshman year of college when I was reading a SEVENTEEN magazine article about Beauty Peace Day that inspired me to create an organization for women on the Emporia State University campus.

After that, it’s events and experiences that I think have helped shape that fire. This doesn’t feel like something I chose to do or something I aspired to be when I was younger, but rather something that was laid upon me. I went from a girl that never spoke in dance class to a girl that spoke to dancers at the same studio I attended.

…

Surreal. That’s what I keep thinking and saying when I describe the night at the President’s house for the 4^th BUILD Beauty birthday party. She turned 4 years old. I had feared that once I left that it wouldn’t exist anymore. That the mission and passion and interest would go away. But I walked into a room full of girls that I hadn’t even met that were continuing a vision and evolving it in their own ways.

I kept thinking, these girls are being impacted by an idea I had one night in my bedroom. Girls I don’t even know. BUILD Beauty has sustained and is still going. I didn’t really know what it would look like years down the road when it first began, but it is an amazing thing to see it 4 years later and I can’t wait to see what it turns into in years to come.

Thank you to everyone that has kept it going and believes in the mission. You are beautiful. Please continue to BUILD.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

Sunday Sprinkle: Fighting For Fireflies

Fighting for Fireflies

I fight for fireflies at night during dark days.

Their bursts of light are shining inspiration.

Like a heart beats; they twinkle.

Keeping my curious spirit alive.

I search for rainbows in storms.

Their colors grace cloudy skies

showing me to cherish the good

as the same as the bad times.

I yearn for butterflies in my stomach.

Their wings flutter, kissing my feelings

all over. Making me tingle from his touch;

teaching me about that 4-letter-word, love.

I dream for girls to love themselves.

Their confident smiles glowing loudly

and their skin breathing fresh air.

Flaw wouldn’t be a word anymore.

I fight for fireflies.

I search for rainbows.

I yearn for butterflies.

I dream for girls.

I write for you.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl