Pageant Positives

I was sitting in our Ambassador retreat touring training when I got a message from an Ambassador Alum on Facebook letting me know about an opportunity to compete in the Miss Flint Hills/Lyon County pageant. I looked into it and saw that it was going to be taking place that next weekend. I went ahead and got in contact with one of the directors in the midst of changing flights and traveling to and from Fargo, North Dakota over the weekend. Next thing I know, Monday night I came out of my room and asked my roommate what she was doing Saturday night because I was going to be competing in my first pageant.

Let me tell you, prepping for a pageant in less than a week is a tad overwhelming. Especially when it’s your first one. At this point, I was close to pasty white and the heaviest I’ve ever weighed in my life. It was just the week before when I had started to really buckle down on my diet and exercise. So this was going to be a challenge. I tanned every day that week in one of the best beds they had to offer. I continued to cut back on the pop and junk food as well. I was getting my nails done Friday night and Saturday morning I was dropped off at the Granada Theater by my roommate. I spent the whole day there rehearsing and practicing until the big show at 7pm.

But here is what I am really getting at. I had no idea what to expect. I went in a little scared due to my experience watching TV and movies that give pageant life such a negative stigma. Was I about to spend a whole day with caddy girls that would make my self-esteem lower? Was I about to be in over my head?

The overall experience took me by surprise because I found myself being brave and feeling empowered. Some people actually laughed when I told them I was about to do a pageant, but I decided to do it anyway. I wanted the experience and to have fun. I even chose to read my own poetry as my talent rather than the usual song or dance routine. Hearing the girls laugh at my funny poem during rehearsals, telling me they wish they could do something like poetry and that I am funny was a great feeling that built my confidence.

Yes, this pageant was the whole nine yards and yes, I did do the swimsuit competition. This was the thing I was most nervous about. I even went into this with people that I had talked to that said they wouldn’t be able to do that. But I did it. And let me tell you, that was probably the most empowering thing of all. Being brave enough to go out there knowing I am about to be judged, but owning what I got anyway. There were other girls that had the same nerves as me. I wasn’t alone. After I stepped backstage, I felt a high and I asked one of the girls, “Did I really just do that?” This is the irony and the weird thing because we as viewers will judge these girls and some may ridicule them for doing it, but I found myself happy I did it because it takes guts and it left me feeling empowered and a little more comfortable in my own skin. And that is something that I probably needed at that time.

We’ve been on the audience side time and time again when we watch pageants on TV. People probably wondered why I did it since I did create BUILD and on the surface you think that this goes against my overall message. But being on the other side of it and looking at it in a different frame, I found it has its benefits for women. I got to practice my interviewing skills, public speaking, stage presence and more. Not to mention my self-confidence and self-esteem were tested. I also had a great time getting to know the other girls competing. We had fun joking around. I also loved getting all pretty and dressing up. Because as this blog is titled, I am a girly girl so I appreciate anytime I have an excuse to dress up and look good! I was really surprised and taken back when I realized I actually kind of had a blast with this experience. I knew I would need to share this with you all. I’m probably not going to go on and become a pageant girl, but I am glad I was able to experience it for a day none the less.

Thank you to everyone that helped me out and prepare in such a short notice. Shout out to Midas Touch tanning for being great and getting me tan in time! Always thankful for my family’s support. I was glad I had family members in the crowd because not all the girls had that. Also, my friends that came to support too! Thank you all for the positive vibes you sent my way. 

And I have found I will forever be thankful for Tina Fey and her peanut joke in her book, Bossypants. I definitely used that joke on a whim in my interview and it made the judges laugh. That’s what I love to do. Make people laugh. 

Sparkle & Shine.

Rachel

Got a quick pic with Miss Kansas before I left!

Be Still

It happened again.
It seemed as if God came swooping down and had to do something for me to really get the message he was trying to get across to me.

Ever since I have been home for winter break, I have gone to bed later and later into the night. And not really for any particular reason. I noticed that it kind of became a challenge for me to get to sleep when usually that's not a problem. Some nights, I would think about moments, conversations, life, questioning things, planning, even coming up with lines of poetry in my mind just trying to get to sleep. Or I would lay there and keep checking social media over and over. As days went on, I would get to bed at 1am, sometimes 2am and it even got to be about 3-4am on some nights. Last night, I started to get frustrated. It was past 1am and I was wide awake on my computer. 2am rolls by and my body doesn't feel like going to sleep. My mind is still going. I did some writing, reading, tweeting. I even tweeted about not being a huge fan of staying up late now thinking of life and how I can't wait for school to start again. I wanted my old sleep schedule back. 3am comes and I shut my Mac, take the headphones out and decide to read to hopefully help me get to sleep soon.

I am determined to finish The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass soon. So I pick that up and decide to read a couple chapters. I get through one and then the next chapter is titled, "Be Still." She starts every chapter with a quote or bible verse. This one started with, "Be still, and know that I am God."--Psalm 46:10. She starts her whole point of the chapter with a metaphor using her cat. She explains her cat never failed to push its food bowl to the middle of the kitchen floor when it started to get low and wanted more food. Every time it would do this, start circling around her feet and then start meowing until it he got more food. Mandy Hale explains that she would always feed him, but he would still do this no matter what. She says that in this situation we are sometimes like her cat. We meow and meow asking God why he hasn't answered our prayers yet. What's taking so long? What am I doing? Where am I going to be? Why am I not in a relationship? Why isn't anything happening now? We want Him to fill our bowls when we want Him too. So I was trying to get through the last page when my left leg starting twitching. It felt like a muscle spasm which I thought was my body trying to tell me it was tired and I really needed to get to sleep soon. So I trudged on trying to get through this last page, but my leg wouldn't stop. I put my hand on it and tried to get through the last couple paragraphs. It was getting really intense and then it crossed my mind--Was this God frantically tapping me on the leg trying to tell me: This is what I want you to know! This is it! This is it! This is why you haven't been sleeping well! This is what you need to know right now. Here is an answer for you! Pay attention! Take note! I want you to read this! I finally finished the last couple paragraphs and then it stopped. The twitching completely went away. Then it really hit me. That was it. God just showed me something. I laid there with wide eyes trying to process what I read. I read it over again and noticed that my leg didn't twitch what so ever again. And I finally felt relaxed. He wanted me to "be still." I thought more about what had happened. Maybe not only was God tapping my leg to make sure I got His point, but maybe this was an example of how I can keep questioning and keep bugging God about things and it can get a little annoying. The twitching was distracting and a little obnoxious when I was trying to read. I need to be still and just trust God to fill my bowl because he will. He won't forget about me. Things work out and I know this. It has been proved to me time and time again. Now I need to learn to be still until then. This really was what I needed to know.

I love when He does this. Reminds me that He really is there and He knows. He showed me something that I needed to understand. I need to be still and trust. I need to relax and let him work. I just need to do my part and let Him do His.

After I took that in, I felt very relaxed and finally eased right to sleep.

This reminded me a lot of the 3 Pennies story that I posted on here awhile back when He seemed to work His message to me in a certain way.
You can read it here: 3 Pennies

It was a little intense and scary at first, but so beautiful and wondrous. Very thankful and glad it happened. Now I am trying to continue to be still and plan to remind myself a lot this year to do so.

Sparkle & Shine.

Rachel 

New Year--Still Glittering

Two years just went by since I started this blog. What a couple two years and this coming year won't be any different. Last night, I brought in the new year with a couple of my best friends, Jade and Anna, at a new place I had never been. I was able to break in my fabulous new heels and be with them surrounded by lots of people which was a new experience for me. I've never really had any big plans for NYE so it was nice to venture out and do something new!

As for resolutions, I don't know how I feel about the word resolution, but, I do rather enjoy goals and dreams and things to strive to be. I know Anna and I are about to tag team to be in the best shape we have ever been in. It will be a tough road, but I don't think we have ever been this motivated together. This year will rather be not so much about resolutions, but crossing off things on a huge to do list that includes, graduating, finding a job, and a place to live just among other big events that will be happening in my last semester at ESU. So I think that will be enough to keep me occupied!

If I do have a word for this year, it will be change. I will be graduating from a place that stole my heart and I have made home for 4 years. I will be getting a job and transitioning to live in a different place. I go through these phases where I like to change things up and they usually coincide with semesters and seasons. I am definitely in that mode right now. I have gotten a lot of new things and refreshing just about everything. I even deleted every picture/video off my phone the other night and redid my music library on it. This gave me 5GB of storage of free space again. Needless to say, it was a good feeling! Starting fresh and getting motivated for this year is what I am doing. It will be a roller coaster type of year, but I am going to try to be as positive and happy as I can be in this process! Why be anything different from that?

Just a little bit ago, I remembered I wrote myself a letter last Janurary 1st. I read it. I kind of teared up. I am glad I did it. I plan to write another letter tonight to open next year. :) Anybody else do that? Anybody want to try it this year?
                                                                        &&&

So hello, 2014. My name is Rachel. Nice to meet you. We have a lot to accomplish this year. :)

Ready to accomplish things even if it's in sparkly heels:)

NYE Night with Jade & Anna

Sparkle & Shine.

Rachel

Red lips & heels. Be Bold. Sparkle & Shine.