It was about a year ago when I first
bravely made a post about boys. Then around six months later, I posted more
things I learned. Now with the Victoria’s Secret Semi-Annual sale starting, I’m
taking that as my cue to do my semi-annual post about boys yet again. You can
never stop learning, right?
I went to lunch with my Ambassador bro
towards the beginning of the semester and we had a good chat. He filled me in
on some things such as how boys operate, think, and do things. I told him I was
at a point where I wanted to play their game. You know the whole play the field
and make sure to put my feelings on a tight leash kind of thing. He told me I
wouldn’t be able to, that I’d get burned. Eh, maybe he is partly right.
“I wear my heart up on my sleeve like a
big deal.” – Calvin Harris, I Feel So Close
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As if I hadn’t ran myself thin enough
with everything I’m involved in and do, I was running my emotions, feelings,
and heart ragged too. There was a point I felt like I was dragging them on dirt
and gravel. I even made a whole meditative poem about my heart for class. I somehow
keep finding ways to incorporate my heart in my writing lately. People tell you
that when you are single, it is the best time to “play the field” and see what
you like and don’t like. I have been, but is there a point in which you can
play too much or too hard? Remember last year, when dates seemed really
obsolete in my life? Well somehow, I managed to score 3 pretty legit dates in a
very short amount of time. While part of me was feeling lucky to get the chance
another part of me was not all the way there and I was just…exhausted and worn
out. I was tired of having the same conversations over and over. Hearing the
same lines and sentences, taunted me or they lost their meaning and power. By
this time I was getting good at keeping those feelings on that tight leash and tried
not to get attached. With everything else going on in my life, I just wasn’t
all there. So I recommend trying the multiple date thing only when you are
pretty well balanced and feeling good about every other part of your life and
you are just looking to have fun. If you need to focus on other areas in your
life or you kind of want to just focus on one person, eh, don’t do it. It can
be overwhelming.
Fall semester seemed to be all about
boys that had girlfriends that would try to talk to me. Now it’s the season of
meeting the girlfriends of boys that once had interest in me and vice versa.
Times such as coming across one at the bar and we start to chat it up and then
I get the “Oh, Rachel, this is my girlfriend, ________.” Or how about this one.
A boy that I’ve known started talking to me just about every day and there was
some flirting exchanged and even a compliment or two. It was on a Friday night
when the guy was texting me and then I see him Saturday night out and about
with friends. We exchange a hug, have a little small talk and then the guy
proceeds to walk away as the girl he was with grabs his hand and they walk down
the sidewalk together. I wish I had seen
my face. I’m sure it was classic with my over animated facial expressions
people tell me about. I paused and looked at my friend who immediately made a
comment about the situation being weird. Then coincidently I start to walk on
with my friends and see one of those guys in the first scenario once again out
with his girlfriend hand in hand. “Oh hey.” These moments aren’t lost on me.
For BUILD Beauty, I was finally able to do
something I had wanted to do for a long time now. We hosted a “Guy Panel.” I
personally asked boys that I trusted to be pretty honest and brave enough to
participate in this event. There would be a panel of them and they would allow
girls to pretty much ask them anything they wanted to and pick their brains. I
believe I had about 11 brave boys that ended up being troopers for the event.
Girls asked them an assortment of questions such as, does make up really
matter, how do you like girls to dress, who should text first and how often,
who should say I love you first, how do they feel about shaving, etc.
Discussion went on for over an hour and then they were allowed to ask the girls
questions. They asked a lot of the same questions, turning the tables on us. I
appreciated their answers and it was interesting to hear them open up about the
opposite sex. One of the things I probably liked the most was this underlying
motif of confidence. It kind of always seemed to come down to confidence being
the key. Yes, they like seeing us girls get dressed up every once in awhile
(don’t need to pack on the makeup) but they also like when we can pull off some
cute gym shorts and a t-shirt and they like if we can do that even makeup-less
while owning it. We can rock the sweats and look good if we wear them
confidently. Now, make sure you don’t mix confidence with cockiness! Oh, and another thing. They are just about as clueless and confused as we are about pretty much everything too!
You can watch footage from the panel at
the ESU Bulletin website! They have 4 different videos that you can access on
their YouTube channel through their site link I am sharing with you all. :)
Inevitably, I burned bridges. I lost
someone that I not only really liked, but someone that was kind of like a best
friend to me. But things happen for a reason!
“It was rare, I was there, I remember it
all too well.” – Taylor Swift, All Too Well
Like I said before, I ran my emotions
and heart ragged and I got good at not having feelings. I hadn’t had
butterflies in a really long time. One of my last posts included a poem about
butterflies and stemmed from that period of time where I hadn’t experienced butterflies
in quite awhile and I contemplated that feeling and what it takes to feel that.
It was actually shortly after posting that poem on the blog, that I had a night
where I experienced them once again. It felt good. Boys: Girls like to slow
dance. We don’t get many occasions to slow dance, but you can always create an
occasion yourself.
I’ve come to find out that guys talk
just about as much as girls talk to each other about things. There were times I
encountered guys that had friends that I was friends with too and I would say
something to one of them and then sometimes not even hours later, I would get, “Yeah,
he told me about that!” We may think they only talk about stuff like sports,
food, cars, hot girls and the like, but they actually do talk! So watch out!
As of right now, I am keeping on the
down low and more to myself about this area of my life. Heck, you will probably
find out pieces in about six months in my next boys post, right? I kept this post pretty general and left out lots of details. Didn't want to get too personal with this one. Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions for further posts! Or if you just want to chat! :)
Take time for yourself and be confident.
"Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life." Proverbs 4:23
Sparkle & Shine
Rachel
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