FAQ: Miss Kansas USA

With the Miss Kansas USA pageant coming up in ONE month, it really has become a huge part of my life at the moment. It has become the main topic of conversation with family and friends on the rare occasions I do get out and when I am not working or working on pageant preparations. Even people I haven’t talked to or seen in years will bring it up because they have seen my updates on social media. It has really become a thing.

I decided to post the questions I get asked a lot since I started this adventure. You may have asked them already or have been wondering the same things as others. So here we go!

When is the competition?

November 28-30^th. I’ll be heading there and starting the day after Thanksgiving!

Where is it at?

Wichita, Kansas

When is the show?

That Sunday!

Will it be televised?

I don’t think so, but I am pretty sure they will have it online. I will post about the details when I am informed!

Do you have a talent?

The Miss USA pageant does not include a talent portion in the competition.

What happens next if you were to win Miss Kansas USA?

I would compete in Miss USA representing Kansas proudly J

How many girls are competing?

I am still unsure about the exact number, but I am thinking it will be around 20!

What are you doing to prep for it?

Working out a lot! I have been working with my diet and hitting up the gym. I am now working on my knowledge of current events and interviewing. I will soon start practicing my walks!

Have you found an evening gown yet?

Yes, I have and I am absolutely in love with it. It’s definitely MY dress. Almost feels like it was made for me. It fit my vision of what I wanted for my evening gown. I will not post any pictures online until after the competition, but have showed people personally.

Are you still eating?

LOL. Yes. 

Can anyone come to support?

I am pretty sure. I am still waiting on information about tickets. I will post details as soon as I get them!

What all do you have to do in the competition?

There is an interview portion, swimming suit, evening gown, and on stage question if I were to make it that far!

Are you excited/nervous?

Yes and yes.

Do you have a coach?

No. I decided not to hire a coach. Instead, I have been working with amazing friends on particular things. It has been such a cool process and team effort. I will be writing about “my crew” soon. J

How much money do you need to raise?

I needed to have $900 in sponsorships in which covers my hotel stay, food, printing cots, etc. Then I have been raising funds beyond that that has gone toward my dresses, swimsuit, makeup, and more.

You can still contribute to my adventure! I still need to do dress alterations and purchase shoes, accessories, tanning, and extensions. You can access my Go Fund Me page here: Go Fund Rachel

Don’t want to go that route? You can contact me personally!

Thank you to everyone that has contributed so far through donations and sponsorships. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you. I have learned so much about different things and myself already and I haven’t even made it to the competition weekend!

Have more questions? Just ask! J

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

Set Free

They used to haunt me in my dreams.

The same ones that shattered my heart and flipped my world upside down. The ones that disrespected me in numerous ways. The ones that drove me to go to counseling for months my sophomore year of college. The ones that made me cry.

I came face-to-face with them.

Due to a situation, I would have to face these two people. One would imagine how nervous I would be. I imagined it. But I didn’t imagine it would be so easy. That it would be one of the best feelings.

The little nerves I had in the first few minutes quickly diminished. My heart didn’t drop. She didn’t beat loudly. She actually didn’t really feel anything.

I was handed a reminder and a note of how happy I am. I was consumed with confidence in myself, who I am, and where I am at. It rushed in me beautifully.

In some sort of sick way, I wanted to thank this girl for the storm she created in my life that took a lot from me and left me scattered all over. It forced me to rebuild. And now I feel like I did a pretty damn good job doing that. She extracted someone toxic from me that I didn’t need. And I wanted to thank her for doing the job.

I sat there with the breeze in my hair and I felt free. I was free from the pain. I was free from them. I was high on happiness and I might have never felt so sure about myself. I felt peace.

For a long time, I thought they had won and they got what they wanted, but I was wrong. I thought they had robbed me of dreams I had, but I am glad they didn’t come true.

I was okay with letting them feel awkward and self-conscious. I was fine with sitting there even if I am their bad reminder of what they did in the past. It’s something they have to deal with. I have dealt with myself and could finally see that I am done. So I sat there with the breeze in my hair and I smiled inside. I felt like I had won.

Set Free

Everything came to light

when they were right in front of me.

I had them in my sight.

The monsters that used to be in my dreams

weren’t scary anymore.

I had grown up

and became better than before.

I could finally see

what she took away from me

actually set me free.

I dedicate this to the numerous girls that have found themselves in this same situation. I hope that the day comes for you to get that closure, peace, and freedom you need and deserve. You didn't come in second, you won a better life. :)

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

You can follow The Girly Girl on Twitter @theglitterylife

When Sadness Knocks

This may seem weird for some of you to think about, but sometimes, I get sad. At the end of August, some of you may remember, I posted on my social media pages that I was taking a little break away from it because I was having a tough time. I talked about it a bit in my post, “Bare.” It was on that day, my friend from Ohio had texted me asking what was wrong because she knew something had to have been pretty bad because I never post anything negative.

Years ago, I became a firm believer of the power of positive thinking. Whenever negativity comes my way, I do my best not to waste too much of my breath on it, let alone a Facebook status. I know a lot of people use Facebook and Twitter to vent, put their drama out there, air out dirty laundry, etc. I think a lot of people can agree that there is a lot of negative energy that clutter our newsfeeds, timelines, and walls, and I don’t like to contribute to that. I talk to friends and family when times get tough and I usually write about it. I have posted a lot of different things on my blog that have been hard on me because I think it is important and people can relate. But with my blog, it’s personal and people make the personal choice to take the next step and go to it to read.

So when my friend texted me that, it confirmed to me that it has worked. These little ideas of positivity have become a good foundation for myself. It has become a lifestyle and who I am. But maybe I was too good at it. Maybe people think I am incapable of being sad. So in September, when things became dark for me, it opened me up even more. It made me confront sadness and I knew I had to share it.

I tend to write about bad experiences as the past. I usually have something I learned from it and I put my positive light on it. But I wanted to write about this more recent. Where it’s a bit more raw. I think this is an important thing because we may not confront it enough. As I am writing this, I have a somewhat uneasy feeling. I am shedding light on a dark topic and admitting to a struggle I had. It’s hard.

In September, I started dealing with sadness. That’s what I call it. It wasn’t due to one particular thing. Sometimes I didn’t even know why I was sad at a particular moment and others, I could tell you what was wrong.

The road to the pageant started becoming harder. I started working out more. When I wasn’t working, I felt like I was working on me in some kind of aspect. Weekends became me working and then going to dinner alone before I hit up the gym. I started doing a lot of things alone. But I have reminded myself that this is what I should be doing. It’s part of the process. It was just an adjustment I needed to make and I have finally gotten used to it.

I also do miss people in my life. Healing from a break up doesn’t happen in a week. And missing someone you shared a room with for 3 years is normal. It’s all adjustments. But things that were all happening at once. I also might have had some hormonal imbalances that were triggering it due to medication. So let’s say, it wasn’t a fun combo.

For a couple weeks, it felt as if every day there would be a wave of sadness that would come out of nowhere and wash over me. I would be fine and then it would come and I would let it have me and then it would go away. I cried on the way home from work one night. I became stressed one day after trying to find dresses and cried while folding laundry. One night I hurried to bed because I was about to break. I let it all out and cried and cried and cried. And I wrote. I wrote a poem that I am including in this post.

I talked to people during this tough time. When a wave would come on, I would text a friend. I tried to be open about it with people and admit that it was happening. It was a weird experience and I feel as if I have a better understanding of sadness. How it really can take a toll on you.

When I was telling my old boss about it, he said, “What? That’s not you.” I am glad people can recognize that. As much as I try to keep my world full of glitter and kittens, I know that I am human. And humans feel sadness. We all do. We should all be able to admit to it. And we should be able to talk about it. People and things can help. I was just in the middle of a storm in September. October has been a lot better. We should all know that things get better. J

When Sadness Knocks

Sadness,

            Come in.

You can’t stay for long

because I’m tired.

That’s the only reason

why you got through the door.

I’m tired of fighting you;

I can’t kick any longer.

My arms are heavy from holding you.

I’ll give you a minute

            [not a second longer]

to hug me and let your darkness

drape over my shoulders.

Whisper the names of the people I miss.

Show me memories I long for

and the love I can’t get back.

Take my tears as tokens.

My pain can be your prize.

So go along now.

You had your time.

Don’t come back soon.

I’m building a bigger door.

---Rachel

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

Laying Down the Labels

I was sitting in the General Council’s office at Emporia State telling him different things that were on my mind that I wanted to write about. I told him I was thinking about labels. That I have been labeled quite a bit and that recently people are trying to add a shiny new one: pageant girl. He swiveled in his chair and said, “Here, do you want my label maker?” and handed over the imaginary object. We laughed.

For starters, I am going to throw out the obvious and admit I’ve actually labeled myself: The Girly Girl. It’s what this whole blog was sort of built upon. The notion of me being a girly girl and learning things so I can write about it. I do write about some pretty girly things from time to time, but have enjoyed writing about no-so-girly things that males can even read and take something from.

And yes, there are labels that have been easy to embrace. I AM A HORNET. I was part of the “I am a Hornet” campaign at Emporia State and can be seen advertising it. I will proudly say I am a writer and that I am a Dotte Original.

But has anyone actually felt the pressures their labels can have? I have. I have chosen and put myself in positions where I feel a responsibility to my labels. I was an Ambassador at Emporia State University and we were expected to be in good standing and not do anything such as drink while wearing Ambassador or ESU apparel. We were the “faces of ESU” and needed to make sure to be good students. In Blue Key, with it’s prestige and huge elitist reputation in ESU history, we were expected to do things the Blue Key way: professional and with class. And expanding even further, I sometimes step back and try to think what my labels can do. With technology, social media, and this blog, I try to stay as cautious as I can about how I carry myself as well in person. It’s easier for people to have access to me and know my labels. I am a Dotte girl, Sumner Sabre, and ESU Hornet. I somewhat feel obligated to be the best I can be so as to have a good reflection on these labels.

There are touchy labels too. Some have labeled me as a feminist while others have tried to convince me I am not when I have tried to embrace it.

Then there are the labels that have caused a stirring, hurt me, and made me shed a few tears. Ones I can’t really completely control. Countless times, I was pegged to be a sorority girl and a lot of times people assumed I was in a specific one due to my involvement at the university. I would try to take it in stride, correct people, and keep a positive image for myself, the sorority, and Greek Life. I had no issues with Greek Life, it was just a personal choice I made not to join that sorority. Even still, I had received some backlash from them. So I was to consider myself a GDI (God Damn Independent). I nervously wrote an article embracing the label and standing up for others in my position. I still received backlash. Those are the labels in which I felt like no matter if I had actually joined or not, it would sort of haunt me.

Now I am trying to figure out what in the world does being a “pageant girl” even mean? This is going to be my first big pageant that I am competing in and I am still learning the ropes. This week at Homecoming, I tried to use it as practice for the pageant by dressing up, practicing my hair and make up, and wearing high heels a lot. I admitted to a couple friends that I might actually feel/look like a pageant girl when I was all dressed up. But I am still not fully convinced. I still don’t think I know what it means or entails and that I won’t until after the competition is all said and done. So until then, I will be experimenting and playing around with this label. And I plan on having fun with it.

As I was thinking about this topic and what I wanted to write, I knew I wanted to have some kind of conclusion or resolution. In the Emporia State ads, they would always end with, “My name is Rachel and I am a Hornet.” I like the idea that the label isn’t the end all and be all of who we are. It comes second. I am Rachel and I am a Hornet. If I have to accept being labeled and deal the stereotypes and stigmas that can go with it, I don’t have to let it make or break me. We shouldn’t let it consume our whole being. I figured out that the most important label that I tend to forget is straight up, Rachel Marshall. Whenever I get overwhelmed or maybe hurt, I should remind myself of my favorite label and just be the best dang Rachel Marshall. She encompasses all of them into one and that just seems so much simpler.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel