Rawr. Jake sometimes opened up text message conversations with me with that word. I've been sitting here trying to come up with a way to start this and I have been struggling. Thought that might be a good random way just like him.
I wanted to write about him. You know that's what I do and that's how I usually deal with things. I write. And he knew that.
I first had class with Jake, the semester I had my heart broken. He was in the class that I would go to with red swollen eyes from crying because it was the class I had after my weekly counseling sessions. It wasn't until our Communication and Sports class with Dennis that I would start to talk and get to know him. We somehow started chatting on Facebook and after a few days finally broke down and asked for my number. We started to get to know each other and he was actually one of the first to kind of encourage me to go out one weekend. I had never been out in Emporia and finally my sophomore year, I remember Jake and I talking about it one Friday afternoon around class time. He said he would be out and I did run into him that night.
Not many guys have been able to really shake me. Really get me feeling. Barely a handful have, but he was one of them. He was one of the very first guys to make me feel beautiful again. One that really got me out of my shell when I became single. I loved his wild nature which was why I always thought of him when Wild Ones by Flo Rida came on.
We eventually had a falling out due to another girl and I wrote a poem about him. It was one of my first poems I wrote when I really got into writing poetry. When it became a way to express myself and capture moments. It's even one of the poems that has been posted on my blog. It's called "Those Hazel Eyes." After time, we found each other again. It seemed like we always did. I eventually showed him the poem and instead of being hurt or upset about it, he said it was good. That's how he was.
I remember a lot of things.
I remember when he made a doodle on my leg of a couple stick figure guys. One had huge hair.
I remember running my finger over his JG tattoo on his arm when he was over watching a movie with me.
I remember my last night in Emporia before summer while I was out with a friend, he was having a hectic time at work and he came straight outside to me and kissed me in front of everyone without saying anything.
And that same night telling my friend to make sure nothing happened to me over and over before we left.
I remember when he decided to walk me to work one day.
When he helped put my things in my car before I left for the summer.
And when I grabbed his face and told him I liked his scruff.
I remember.
He was a communication major and in the communication department at ESU, we are a family. I feel like I lost a family member in the communication department, a friend, a crush.
I can't believe he is gone. Scrolling through the countless texts we had together makes me miss him and I wish I could text him now. But I am going to stay strong and positive because that is always he strived to do and what he would want me to do too.
I want to thank him for showing me to be carefree sometimes, let my hair down and be a goofball. He always said "good deal" and if you ever see me text that to you, know that I got it from him. I find myself texting it a lot these days even before all this happened. He wanted to motivate people and be a life coach. He wanted to inspire others and make an impact. And he certainly has. He made an impact on my life and my heart. Thank you for making me feel beautiful and the cool nerd you thought I was. Thank you for all the flirty fun conversations. Thank you for making me laugh and being yourself.
Sparkle & Shine,
The pretty lady, the nerd, "hun"
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We always sent pictures to each other, just never took pics WITH each other! This is our only picture together.
As I was going through old conversations these were a couple of my favorites that make me smile :) |
