Journal Scribble: Needing [& Wanting] Passion

June 1 – My bed

Sometimes I wonder if people think I don’t have feelings. That maybe I’ve been hurt enough to where I’ve turned cold. Or that maybe I am so strong with both feet planted in my beliefs, feelings, and opinions. Maybe that I am stone that never crumbles. That I am never shaken. And that I am one solid Single Woman. I mean, I can be pretty fabulous, but I can also, simply, be a girl.

Yes, I’ve been hurt and sometimes I feel cold. There are times I feel strong, but like any other girl, I can crumble. I can be shaken as much as I can be stone. I can want things and sometimes maybe I need them. I feel things just like you.

…

May 25 – My bed

I need passion. The burning red, burning bright, burning hot kind. I want feelings surging through me and butterflies flying all over my stomach. I want the uncontrollable smile and laughter I can barely contain. I want sweaty palms and anticipation. I want to make out for an hour. I want the breeze of a rainstorm on my face. I want the high. I want to catch him looking at me in that certain kind of way. I want the head over heels, lovey dovey stuff. I want the I miss yous and the when am I going to see yous? I want the long see you laters and goodnights. The hand holding and random kisses. The little names and snuggles on the couch. The can’t stop thinking about him kind of mind. Cute flirty texts and late night phone calls. I want it all.

I want to feel what it is like to be absolutely adored by someone special.

Why Relationships Need to Drop the "Other Half" Talk

You have seen it. In fact, I am certain I have done it. Maybe you have done it too or know a friend that has been guilty of the act. It’s that thing when you profess someone as your other half and sometimes even worse, your better half. And it usually takes place on social media, typically in a caption under a picture with the two of you smiling. It’s always happy, with a dash of mushy, and sometimes, borderline over the top.

I committed the crime while I was in my high school relationship. It was when I was young, naïve, and still unsure of my own identity and self as a person. I didn’t know what I was doing. But, does anyone really know what they are doing in that time in their life?

Once I got in the trenches of the single life and started to learn the way of independence and self-love, I became more aware of this term, “other half.” It rubbed me the wrong way. I started to notice pictures of couples gushing about their significant others and how they were their “other half.” The notion was becoming quite irritating.

When I was in a relationship again after a long stint of being single, I began to realize that when I was thinking about him, the “other half” phrase was trying hard to make its way through. As if this was some kind of social norm. It wanted to be used as a descriptor for him. I would push it off immediately and ask it, “Then what was I before? Was I not complete as my single self?” Instead, I would think of him as a teammate or a beautiful accessory that made my life even better.

As I am single again and continue to learn more about relationships and myself, the “other half” phrase gets that much more annoying. I refuse to think of myself as an incomplete being right now. What a horrible idea. This phrase makes you think that we as people can’t live and function without a counterpart of a person. I can tell you right now, I am living, breathing, and loving all on my own. I’ve been perfectly able to go on adventures, have fun, and be successful regardless of having a partner right by my side.

However, when the “other” is exchanged for “better,” I get a bit sickened. It makes me uneasy. It’s an example of negative self-talk and possible low self-esteem. I am for the relationship with someone that makes you and pushes you to be a better person. Not someone you think is better than you. I think if I were in a relationship and my boyfriend proclaimed me as his, “better half,” I wouldn’t like it. The relationship doesn’t seem even and mutual. I would feel the pressure of being the “good one.”

Yes, there are two people in a relationship, but in this case, I don’t think two halves make a whole. I believe two people make a team. I don’t want my peers to think that if they are single, they aren’t complete and their life isn’t fabulous as is.

I think this phrase is one of those things we don’t really take into account what we are even saying and what it truly means. It is a saying that has been tied to relationships, romantic stories, and lovey-dovey cards we give to each other. It is another concept in which we don’t take the time to think about and what it does to others and ourselves.

So, I encourage everyone to drop this “other half” idea and start thinking about what your significant other really is to you. We can be complete individuals and live complete beautiful lives. It’s just an extra sparkle, an added bonus, or a beautiful accessory that compliments you well when you have someone with you along for the ride.

…

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

Searching: The Scary Parallels of Job Hunting and Dating, A Satire by Rachel Marshall

As a recent college graduate and early twenty-something, there is a lot of searching going on. The last few years, I have been searching for myself, the perfect major, and what I am good at it. Now I am searching for my first big-girl job. Oh, and I am also supposed to be searching for the right guy for me too. It’s exhausting. But, I am finding out the scary parallels between these two pretty pivotal life searches.

What people tell you…

Job Searching

Something will come up soon. You are great! A company would be thrilled to have you. You’re pretty. You’ll have no trouble finding a job. With your resume, you will find something in no time.

Dating

Someone will come along. You are great! A guy would be lucky to have you. You’re pretty. You’ll have no trouble finding a guy. With everything you’ve got going for you, you will find someone.

How are you still single? might as well turn into the new How are you still unemployed?

…

Technology

LinkedIn is like the Match.com of job searching.

I was on LinkedIn the other day when I saw that a company I had applied to a couple weeks ago had shared the job posting for the position I had applied for “an hour ago”. I felt awkward. It stung me, had me self-conscious, and in a way, bummed. Even my job searching social media hurt a little like when I see a guy I really liked upload a picture with his new girl on Facebook. Am I not good enough? You need to see other candidates first? Other girls? Can’t escape!

The same technological anxieties exist for both. The did my text message go through? can be the equivalent to did they get my application? Do we wait for them to contact us first?

…

The Big Debate

So, who wants to debate which is worse? Because you know, there is that weird idea some people have that being single is one of the most awful things in the world. I am currently both, single and unemployed. (Please, no pity parties.) I have been looking at both sides and so far this is what I have come up with.

I can’t snuggle with a job and it can’t kiss me either. I guess in some cases and depending on the job, I could maybe take it home with me. But in the job search, there is so much silence. I like conversation. I have to try to make my first impression with a cover letter and resume. They are so black and white. It makes it challenging to show my personality.

But I kind of need a job to live. I need it for the basics of you know, food, shelter, and other necessities. If I had a job, I could simply take myself out on dates if I wanted to.

This whole debate could be over if I simply found a rich man that sweeps me off my feet and the need for a job just vanishes. But I am not about that life. *insert sassy hand emoji*

...

Other Thoughts

Even rejection is similar these days. Some places don’t even bother to tell you they aren’t interested. It’s the same as the guy you had been seeing that stops texting you and eventually falls off the map without telling you a thing. Bye?

I guess finding a person/job is very similar because you have to like them and they have to like you too?

There are no articles on the Internet telling you how fabulous the unemployment life is and listing 25 reasons why. In fact, I went to Google and started typing in, “reasons why being” and Google started to try to finish my sentence with the first option as “reasons why being single is good.” See?

I continued to type the rest and once I started typing, “unemployed is,” Google had the options of “is bad, is a good thing, is depressing, is great.” I clicked on “great” to see what it would give me.

I selected the top article, “18 Good Reasons You are Still Unemployed” and I am still wondering why they bothered including the word, “good” in the title. Those tricksters. In short, the article pretty much suggested you are not doing enough, interview poorly, and maybe not doing it right. It also pointed out that you may be depressed, angry, or your attitude just stinks. But if you get over these things, you “will usually land in a hurry.” I am not kidding.

You can see for yourself, here.

I have close friends that are in the same boat as me living both single and unemployed. We are paddling hard and feeling like we are going against the water. But we should know that the sea of Life’s drift will keep us moving. And if we get knocked down or out of the boat, as Dory says, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” or rather we shall say, “just keep searching, just keep searching.” Keep searching, keep talking, keep working. Ahoy!

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

P.S. Oh, but while I am here. I am a young, outgoing, and determined hard-working lady. I have a degree in Communication with an emphasis in Public Relations. I love writing, social media, and public speaking. My online portfolios can be accessed at clippings.me/rachelnm3 and clippings.me/thegirlygirl. I have a lot of experience. Want to see my resume? :) 

Silly 'Single Sucks' Scenarios

I stumbled across an article someone had shared on Facebook entitled, “7 Reasons Why Being Single Actually Sucks” and I had to see what this article had to say.

Let me first mention, the tone of it reminded me of the pessimistic girls that usually tweet too much about how single they are. I read through the 7 reasons and the explanations for them and I believed girls who still haven’t learned and accepted being single and the value it can bring wrote this. The immaturity blaring throughout the article alone was a sign that maybe they needed to learn some things before they expected to have a significant other.

I went over 2 years straight being single during college. I’ve lived and breathed single life. Heck, I am doing it now. So here we go. Here are the reasons why it sucks to be single (apparently) and if you want to read their explanation, you can find it here: 7 Reasons Why Being Single Actually Sucks

1.     Nobody to cuddle with – Yeah, I know it sucks sometimes. Some days there are times I wish I had someone to cuddle with, but I am still living and breathing.

2.     Nobody to help in times of sudden need – What are family and friends for?

3.     No wild passionate sex – Eh, yeah, that might be nice, but again, still living and breathing.

4.     No one would notice if you’re dead – I think my friends and family would notice.

5.     No one to force your emotional breakdowns on – That’s horrible to do anyway. I don’t think a boyfriend would appreciate that in the first place?

6.     No one to try new things with – You can’t do that with friends? Or just yourself?

7.    Valentines day, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving – Again, I am glad I have family and friends. Didn’t think I needed a boyfriend to enjoy those holidays.

Just some single humor :)

I definitely know the trials and tribulations of being single. 

For example: This last New Year's Eve a couple of my lady friends and I wanted to actually go out and attend a New Years Eve celebration because we never had before (oh my gosh, I would be trying something new and without a boyfriend! Amazing stuff, right? #6 from article). So we found an event at a bar we had never been to. (Would like to point out I lived through another holiday without a boyfriend too. #7 from article). The place was filled with couples galore. The chance of us getting to chat it up with a single guy was very slim, but we were looking good, had drinks, and enjoyed each other's company. And when it hit midnight, we were surrounded by the place full of couples doing the traditional kiss. My two friends and I looked at each other in the middle of the dance floor, chuckled, and did a group hug. It's an event that I will remember down the road. I didn't have to be in a bad mood because I was single. I chose to have fun with a couple of my best friends instead!

Yes, there are some tough times and some situations are a little harder to get through as a single person, but there is some beauty in the thought that you can get through those moments all by yourself and that you can actually do things without having to have another person there. And it is definitely not healthy to hold stock in someone to provide everything for you whether it’s emotionally, physically, financially and more. It just might be a little too much pressure.

I encourage these single ladies to do some learning and soul searching and I recommend reading The Single Woman by Mandy Hale for those ladies that struggle with the label of being single. Also, here is a throwback to my first article I wrote for my opinion column at ESU last year about being single: Single & Fabulous. Use this time to get to know yourself, spend time with family and friends, and have fun. Let’s try to ditch the negative single stigma and keep grooving. J

Still single & fabulous,

Rachel

Sparkle&Shine.

"Throw your hands up at me!"

Independent Women, Pt. I - Destiny's Child

To All That Have Had Their Heart Broken

December 14, 2011

I felt like punching a wall…or something.

That was the first line in the journal entry I made that day. That was in the middle of the deep pains I would feel as I laid in bed trying to sleep and fight memories, replay things said, and make up conversations in my head with the person that hurt me the most in my entire life.

When I first started delving back into my faith and exploring my study bible in that time, there was an excerpt about comforting. I don’t remember the page it was on, but I will not forget what it taught me. It talked about a verse and it brought up the point that God puts us through some hard times and then later on since we have been through it, we will be prepared and know how to help and comfort others that will go through the same thing. I told myself that I will someday be able to help others that will go through what I did.

Just recently I have finally felt it happening with a couple friends of mine. One of them is so similar to me, it’s a little weird at times, but reminds me that God is working in some way and I will figure out what it is eventually.

So now I want to blog about heartache and break ups. Since I have dealt with it and experienced it, I want to share how I coped and healed in hopes that it can help others. Maybe it can comfort others and make it a little easier.

First step: unfollow, unfriend. Don’t follow them on Twitter, unfriend them on Facebook, remove them from Instagram, Vine, and any other social network, media, app thing you can think of. It really is unhealthy for you to allow yourself to see what they are up to, talking about, and see who is liking their things. It will be very tempting and you will want to look, but really, just don’t. It will be what is best for you. More than likely, you will not like what they post or you will read way too into it and it will suck you back into negative thoughts, memories, etc. Boys may think that it is “childish” or “immature” to do this step, but for girls, it really can take a toll on their health since we think and read into so much. Don’t think about what they think, just think about yourself and well being first this time.

Don’t let yourself think about the “good times” so much. When you catch yourself thinking about that one time you got butterflies or the person did something really sweet for you, it will make you miss them and it will conjure strong emotions, so you want to redirect your thoughts right then! Remind yourself of the positives and why it is best you are not with the person anymore.

Lay off the sappy lovey dovey songs and movies. I took a long break from “The Notebook” since it is such a romantic and emotional movie. Songs and movies that can move someone so easily might not be the best idea to listen to and watch.

Talk. Talk to family and friends. If you can talk to a counselor, even better. I went to a counselor at the school for about a year every week. It is nice to have an unbiased opinion and someone that wasn’t involved in the situation. He could also suggest things for me to do to help myself. Holding things in may lead to an explosion later.

Write. I wrote a poem about the time when it was suggested by my Mom and counselor to write and how I felt about it.

When they told me to write

At first they told me to write

as a way to cope and to heal,

but I was scared,

didn’t want to feel

those feelings again.

The pen that scribbles

ink on to the page

would be scraping

at the scabs on my heart.

I didn’t want them to bleed

again. I visited the pain

enough when I replayed

the conversations in my mind,

let memories make me cry.

Why would I let it come to life

in words onto paper.

Why would I want to save it for later?

Writing has always been an outlet for me and at that time I did not want to write about it. I thought it would be too painful, but I eventually started to and now I am not stopping. It really can be therapeutic and it is neat to look back on it later and see the progress you made. It’s a reminder of how far you have come and makes you glad you aren’t in that place anymore.

Workout. I do have to admit one thing I did like about that time was that I lost weight. It can happen and it can be motivation to workout and keep it off. Also, working out is an amazing way to blow off steam and get anger out. You can own your run or your workout. It’s all yours and it’s rare you leave a workout, not feeling good about it afterwards.

Surround yourself by support and inspiration.

Here are some of my suggestions!

Books: The Confident Woman – Joyce Meyer

            Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert

            Traveling Mercies – Anne Lamott

Songs: Part of Me – Katy Perry

            Stronger – Kelly Clarkson

            Firework – Katy Perry

            Wide Awake – Katy Perry

            Thank You – Alanis Morissette

            That I Would Be Good – Alanis Morissette

(Any Taylor Swift song pretty much!)

Follow on Twitter: @TheSingleWoman

And then have fun exploring her blog posts on her website!

Shows: Watch all the episodes of Sex & The City. (I’m getting close to it!)

For those who are religious: Pray.

Read Proverbs 31 and read about the ideal woman.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

That night I had written about punching a wall, I ended that journal entry like this…

I feel like I forgot God is here with me. I don’t need to wait to talk to him. He doesn’t have finals tomorrow. He isn’t sleeping just yet. I can talk to Him now. He is here.

So remember, God is always willing listen and always has time for you!

When it comes down to it, TIME is really important. People will say time heals all things. I always heard, “it will get better” and it does. You have to get it time.

Here is another poem I wrote…

The Dust Has Settled

Time really did help to heal me

just like they had said.

It really did get better

just like they had told me.

Now it’s all memories

and pictures in places

and stories to tell.

The dust has finally settled.

&&&

So this is to all that have had their heart broken.

To the ones that have been cheated on.

To the ones that thought he was the one.

To the ones that never got him to commit.

To the ones that never got a text the next day.

To the ones that still think about that one night.

To the ones that have been used.

To the ones that have been led on.

To the ones that lost all confidence.

Things will get better. It’s uncomfortable, but that’s just growing pains. You are growing, learning and evolving. Don’t take it as a regret, but a lesson learned. Take notes so you can comfort others in the future.

Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle.

You're beautiful.

Sparkle & Shine.

Rachel

A Touchy Subject

I was about to hang out with a boy when my roommate was trying to make bets that he would try to make a move on me. I told her that nothing was going to happen even though I wasn't going to be surprised if he tried to make one. But I was dealt something refreshing. We watched a whole movie all the way through with a little conversation here and there. When I got back home, I was happy to report to my roommate, "He didn't even touch me! He hugged me when I left!" Not long after, the same thing happened with another boy. I came back and said, "He didn't even touch me!" But with a little confusion.

I told one of my close friends and she said, "Good!" She thought it was respectful and mature of them. I agreed that I did like that respect and it was a little different for me. But I couldn't help but wonder why they hadn't tried to make a little move or even get close to me?

It was just a couple weeks later when that same friend texted me, "So...I totally understand your whole 'he wouldn't even touch me' comment now..." I talked to her about it and she told me that she had hung out with a guy and all he did was give her a hug. She had this awkward feeling and wondered why he didn't try or if she did something wrong. Was he attracted? He said he was?

It has become a fine line and a "touchy" subject at this age of ours. Is there really a "too little" that goes opposite to "too much" for one of your first times hanging out with the opposite sex?

We battle with these feelings as girls. We like that they are not trying to be all over us, but at the same time, we wouldn't mind a little something. Sit a little closer, hold a hand, a goodnight kiss? What is "too little" and what is "too much?"

Share your thoughts!
You can email me at glitterandthegirlygirl@gmail.com, tweet me @rachelnmsparkle, or comment on here!

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Can We Be Friends?: Friendships With The Opposite Sex

One December night, Anna and I were trying to figure out what our plans would be for the rest of the evening. Trevor, Paige’s now fiancé, was trying to help us come up with ideas. He suggested inviting over the boys we were talking to at the time to make cookies with us. Trevor then randomly said, “I saw this YouTube video…” and went on to tell us what it was about. It was a research study that was trying to find out if boys and girls can really just be friends. He explained to us that girls did not have a problem saying they could easily just be friends with a guy while the guys had a problem saying they could just be friends with a girl. It was common for the guys to want to eventually be more than friends with the girl they were friends with. This could cause some conflict. Ever since, he pointed that out, it has been on my mind as I observe my own relationships with boys and others as well. I have discussed the topic with both girl and guy friends of my own to learn more about friendships among the opposite sexes. I have even been reading a book called, Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti to further my understanding of the differences between men and women. And as a communications major, I have learned about the genderlect theory and how men and women communicate.

In my Theories of Communication class, we learned about the genderlect theory. It showed the different communication styles of men and women. Men use a report style of talking. They use logic and arguments  and they like to get straight to the point. If you talk to a guy after he gets back from a date, he will more than likely “report” to you getting straight to the point by giving you general and basic info. This conversation will probably be short. Now women use a rapport style of talking. They like to build relationships with people. When she gets back from her date, she will probably tell you almost every detail down to what she had to eat and as well as her date. She could be able to walk you through that date step by step and she may even digress and talk about other things that may relate to the date.

In Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti, they relate to men and women’s thinking and communicating processes to the foods. Waffles have boxes. Boys like to stay in their set boxes when they think and communicate. Women think and talk with all kinds of thoughts and stories intertwining like spaghetti noodles. The authors, Bill and Pam Farrel, used a good example of a conversation topic to show the differences between how men and women communicate with each other. So you have two guys looking at a Corvette. They can sit and talk about the Corvette for a long time. They would prefer to keep it simple in their car “box” in their waffle. Now if a woman comes up and joins the conversation with the men, she would probably start talking about the car, and then the owner of the car and then soon she will probably be talking about the owner’s wife and how she hasn’t hung out with her in ages and that they should get pedicures sometime as she looks down at her feet and tries to remember the last time she got one. This whole time, the men would have been content with just staying on the topic of the car. They get overwhelmed with so many topic changes, which can irritate them. Have you noticed that guys can talk about something like sports for a long period of time? And they will stay on the topic of sports. If you tell women to talk about sports, it probably wouldn’t be very long before they start talking about a celebrity that is dating an athlete and then the latest movie that celebrity was in and then they mention the last movie they saw last week and how good it was and that they saw a preview for the new Channing Tatum movie…see the difference?

As I have been learning more about men in books I have been reading, I am learning more and more about how simple they can be.  I thought it was perfect that in my daily devotional book last week, Joyce Meyer talked about the differences between men and women since I have been interested in writing about this topic. She said, “Men are simple, whereas women are not simple, and they always assume that men are just as complicated and intricate as they are. The whole point is that guys don’t think deeply all the time like women do.” She points out that men like to think about what is bothering them and women like to talk about it. When there is a conflict, men like to get over it and move on and women like to talk about it and figure out how to avoid it again. When you ask guys what they are thinking and they tell you, “nothing,” that really can be true. Guys can sit, watch TV and really think about nothing. Women have a hard time grasping this concept because we are always constantly thinking and wanting to build intimate relationships. So we find it hard to believe that it is possible to be content and think about nothing, which can irritate us.

Problem: Communication conflicts

"I think we should be friends..."

I had one of my close guy friends, Nick Welker, give me his point of view on friendships with the opposite sex. This gave me a guy’s perspective on the topic. Here is the first part:

Just to start things off, guys and girls can be friends. I know it’s possible. Because when we were all 5 and headed into kindergarten before all the hormones and whatnot kicked in, we all had friends of the opposite sex, and we didn’t think twice about it. But I assume the readers of this blog are out of kindergarten at least, and hormones have ruined everything. But in my experience, there are ways to be friends with the opposite sex. I’ve got a few female friends. Actual friends, not just acquaintances. And a few times, getting to the friend stage was a long, winding road of awkwardness. But most of the time, in the end, it’s just another thing to laugh at.

As I looked at my friendships with the boys in my life, I noticed that I either had liked them at one point, they liked me, we had a thing some time, or they were gay. There aren’t very many guy friends that I have where we haven’t had some blurred line or a “winding road of awkwardness” as Nick put it.

Nick continued…

I’m 23. So it’s not like I’ve had a lifetime of experience with this stuff. I am in no way, shape, or form an expert on this. Believe me, I wish I was.

First and foremost, if I find myself talking to a girl I don’t find particularly attracted to, it’s way easier to be friends. Sad but true. Not having sexual tension at all (at least on my end) works wonders for forming an actual friendship.

If however, I do find myself introduced to a girl I find attractive, and in the first few minutes we seem to get along well enough, I know I want to try and explore the possibility of a romance. I’m pretty sure that’s how most guys work. And as soon as that thought pops into a guys brain, friend is the last word he wants to hear. I’ve had cases where I’d prefer not to know the girl any more than to just be in the friend zone. Because the friends zone is a terrible, no good place where a guy sits and is tortured by knowing everything about what the girl does…with other guys.

I think this works well to support the YouTube video I had mentioned in the beginning. Guys find it hard to be friends with girls especially if they are attracted to them because they want to be more, there can be that sexual tension, and they don’t want to hear about other guys. This gives girls some reasons to understand why a guy might not want the friendship with them.

I think it’s really just a matter of how you go about things. I’m friends with girls I’ve dated and broken up with. I’m friends with girls who I’ve wanted to date and haven’t, and I’m friends with girls who have wanted to date me and didn’t get to. But there’s no reason to hold grudges about that silly stuff. You we’re obviously drawn to that person by something in their personality, otherwise you wouldn’t still be talking to them. So why wouldn’t you want to be friends. It’s just like dating them, but you don’t have to deal with all the craziness.

This sounds like my circle of guy friends like I had talked about earlier. It almost seems that it is rare to have a friendship with the opposite sex without some attraction, dating, relationship, or the like at some point. It depends on the situation, feelings, emotions, and how you handle it when it comes to whether or not you can be just friends.

Even Nick and I have had that winding road of awkwardness. Here is his take on it:

As for Miss Rachel Marshall, the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw her was “wow”. That is never a good sign for a guy. It didn’t take long for me to get to know Rachel bit by bit and form some sort of relationship with her. And, I might be entirely off base (but I know I’m not), there was a mutual attraction thing going on between us. And after an awkward incident, we sort of shifted our whole relationship. It turned into more of…not brother and sister. That’s not right at all. I’m not sure the best way to explain it. But for the remainder of the small portion of time where we both went to the same school, it was really just us talking occasionally, occasionally getting advice or just venting or talking about random shit at 2 in the morning. We didn’t talk for awhile after I graduated, which is probably my fault. But now, we text a decent amount, we’ve caught up on time missed, I know what guys she likes and I’m giving her a guys opinion on her blog. So I’m fairly certain we are friends.

We’ve known each other for about six years now. We went through the talking, the awkwardness, and even went on a date. But now we are good with just being friends. Sometimes to get to the same page and a happy balance with each other, it takes a lot of time. It took about two years for one of my first real boyfriends and I to be able to be friends once we had split up. Now we can talk to each other about pretty much anything.

"I still want to be your friend."

I haven’t been entirely lucky to just be friends with guys. I went on a couple dates with one and we texted non-stop when we first met, but after I realized I didn’t feel the same way as him, I talked to him and wanted for us to just be friends. But he felt that he couldn’t do that because of his like for me. So we completely stopped talking altogether because he couldn’t handle talking to me and didn’t know how to.

Things were turned around and I was recently put in a situation with a guy telling me he wants us to be friends after we had liked each other, talked almost every day, hung out, and even thought of a relationship down the road. I was in the middle of thinking, discussing, and learning about this very topic. Now I was faced with it. Will we be friends? I wouldn’t be surprised if we became friends just because of the kind of people we are. I think I just need to let my hurt feelings heal and have time away from him first. Who knows, but I do know it can be possible if everything lines up just right. Nothing blurry. We are still in our “winding road of awkwardness.”

Nick had a very neat conclusion to his message to me about this topic and I had to share it to get you thinking.

But the point is, we can coexist. It just takes work sometimes. 

Everyone is in such a rush to find the person they’re going to marry, but right now, I’m more concerned with finding the people I’m going to share that day with.

Now you know that there are differences in the way men and women think and communicate. It is best to learn about these differences to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. Joyce Meyer encourages this by reading books about the differences. She concludes one of her daily devotions with, “Understanding our differences helps us understand each other.” That’s what I have been doing and I hope that it will strengthen me when it comes to my friendships with the opposite sex and even in future relationships.

Just know that it can work, it just takes work...and maybe a little winding road of awkwardness. :)

A big thanks goes to Nick Welker for his contributions to this topic!

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel