To All That Have Had Their Heart Broken

December 14, 2011

I felt like punching a wall…or something.

That was the first line in the journal entry I made that day. That was in the middle of the deep pains I would feel as I laid in bed trying to sleep and fight memories, replay things said, and make up conversations in my head with the person that hurt me the most in my entire life.

When I first started delving back into my faith and exploring my study bible in that time, there was an excerpt about comforting. I don’t remember the page it was on, but I will not forget what it taught me. It talked about a verse and it brought up the point that God puts us through some hard times and then later on since we have been through it, we will be prepared and know how to help and comfort others that will go through the same thing. I told myself that I will someday be able to help others that will go through what I did.

Just recently I have finally felt it happening with a couple friends of mine. One of them is so similar to me, it’s a little weird at times, but reminds me that God is working in some way and I will figure out what it is eventually.

So now I want to blog about heartache and break ups. Since I have dealt with it and experienced it, I want to share how I coped and healed in hopes that it can help others. Maybe it can comfort others and make it a little easier.

First step: unfollow, unfriend. Don’t follow them on Twitter, unfriend them on Facebook, remove them from Instagram, Vine, and any other social network, media, app thing you can think of. It really is unhealthy for you to allow yourself to see what they are up to, talking about, and see who is liking their things. It will be very tempting and you will want to look, but really, just don’t. It will be what is best for you. More than likely, you will not like what they post or you will read way too into it and it will suck you back into negative thoughts, memories, etc. Boys may think that it is “childish” or “immature” to do this step, but for girls, it really can take a toll on their health since we think and read into so much. Don’t think about what they think, just think about yourself and well being first this time.

Don’t let yourself think about the “good times” so much. When you catch yourself thinking about that one time you got butterflies or the person did something really sweet for you, it will make you miss them and it will conjure strong emotions, so you want to redirect your thoughts right then! Remind yourself of the positives and why it is best you are not with the person anymore.

Lay off the sappy lovey dovey songs and movies. I took a long break from “The Notebook” since it is such a romantic and emotional movie. Songs and movies that can move someone so easily might not be the best idea to listen to and watch.

Talk. Talk to family and friends. If you can talk to a counselor, even better. I went to a counselor at the school for about a year every week. It is nice to have an unbiased opinion and someone that wasn’t involved in the situation. He could also suggest things for me to do to help myself. Holding things in may lead to an explosion later.

Write. I wrote a poem about the time when it was suggested by my Mom and counselor to write and how I felt about it.

When they told me to write

At first they told me to write

as a way to cope and to heal,

but I was scared,

didn’t want to feel

those feelings again.

The pen that scribbles

ink on to the page

would be scraping

at the scabs on my heart.

I didn’t want them to bleed

again. I visited the pain

enough when I replayed

the conversations in my mind,

let memories make me cry.

Why would I let it come to life

in words onto paper.

Why would I want to save it for later?

Writing has always been an outlet for me and at that time I did not want to write about it. I thought it would be too painful, but I eventually started to and now I am not stopping. It really can be therapeutic and it is neat to look back on it later and see the progress you made. It’s a reminder of how far you have come and makes you glad you aren’t in that place anymore.

Workout. I do have to admit one thing I did like about that time was that I lost weight. It can happen and it can be motivation to workout and keep it off. Also, working out is an amazing way to blow off steam and get anger out. You can own your run or your workout. It’s all yours and it’s rare you leave a workout, not feeling good about it afterwards.

Surround yourself by support and inspiration.

Here are some of my suggestions!

Books: The Confident Woman – Joyce Meyer

            Eat, Pray, Love – Elizabeth Gilbert

            Traveling Mercies – Anne Lamott

Songs: Part of Me – Katy Perry

            Stronger – Kelly Clarkson

            Firework – Katy Perry

            Wide Awake – Katy Perry

            Thank You – Alanis Morissette

            That I Would Be Good – Alanis Morissette

(Any Taylor Swift song pretty much!)

Follow on Twitter: @TheSingleWoman

And then have fun exploring her blog posts on her website!

Shows: Watch all the episodes of Sex & The City. (I’m getting close to it!)

For those who are religious: Pray.

Read Proverbs 31 and read about the ideal woman.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.” Philippians 4:6

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3: 5-6

That night I had written about punching a wall, I ended that journal entry like this…

I feel like I forgot God is here with me. I don’t need to wait to talk to him. He doesn’t have finals tomorrow. He isn’t sleeping just yet. I can talk to Him now. He is here.

So remember, God is always willing listen and always has time for you!

When it comes down to it, TIME is really important. People will say time heals all things. I always heard, “it will get better” and it does. You have to get it time.

Here is another poem I wrote…

The Dust Has Settled

Time really did help to heal me

just like they had said.

It really did get better

just like they had told me.

Now it’s all memories

and pictures in places

and stories to tell.

The dust has finally settled.

&&&

So this is to all that have had their heart broken.

To the ones that have been cheated on.

To the ones that thought he was the one.

To the ones that never got him to commit.

To the ones that never got a text the next day.

To the ones that still think about that one night.

To the ones that have been used.

To the ones that have been led on.

To the ones that lost all confidence.

Things will get better. It’s uncomfortable, but that’s just growing pains. You are growing, learning and evolving. Don’t take it as a regret, but a lesson learned. Take notes so you can comfort others in the future.

Don’t let anyone ever dull your sparkle.

You're beautiful.

Sparkle & Shine.

Rachel