On Being The Girl That Dated That One Guy

"Weren't you guys talking for awhile?" 

I've got my drink in my hand and now I am wondering how this person would even know if I had talked to a certain guy or not.

For years my dating life has on display. With some of it, I've been very public and other stuff I've tried to be really private. But growing up in a town where everyone seems to be connected and going to college in a smaller town, people tend to find things out. And sometimes even I don't know how.

And even now in the present when I am in a relationship, my past is still asked about.

I'm still the girl that dated that one guy. And also the girl that talked to that one guy for awhile. I can't wait for the day where it's not, "Rachel Marshall, the girl that dated him and talked to him" label. I am dreaming of the day where it's "Rachel Marshall, the girl that does cool stuff. The girl that gets stuff done. The girl that inspires."

I guess I've come to find out that it bothers me to be tied to guys as my identifier. I want to be known more for my work. My passions. I want people to inquire about my creativity, my projects. Heck, gossip about my blog posts. Not my ex-boyfriend. I don't want to be solely tied to boys and dating.

It seems that women deal with this societal issue of relationships and dating. Great examples would be so much press coverage over Taylor Swift's past relationships even if she has been with Calvin Harris for a year, who Selena Gomez is dating now, and if Kourtney Kardashian is hooking up with Justin Bieber or not.

Yes, I dated him. Yep, I talked to him. Now let's talk about my latest article or my new adventure in Mary Kay or the chapbook I am trying to put together for a contest. Anything other than ghosts of my past.

Your New Beauty Consultant

I was a preschool girl when I wore makeup for the first time.

I had my very first dance recital and it's recommended when you are on stage to wear makeup so you aren't washed out by the lights. I think my mom just put a little mascara on my little girl lashes, some blush on my cheeks, and lipstick for my smile that I still hadn't quite mastered at the age of 5.

It would become an annual thing. Every summer when my dance recital rolled around, I would get to wear makeup.

In middle school, I experimented with eyeliner.

By high school, I was using Covergirl and Maybelline and the other big name makeup brands you find at grocery stores and drugstores. I used it for years. I've gone through countless numbers of tubes of the what seems like a hundred different "Lash Blast" Covergirl mascaras. I actually have a tube in my current collection of makeup.

It seemed that people assumed that I was a makeup master with my girly nature, style people have claimed to think I have, and how I would wear my makeup. But in the last couple years, I would admit, I actually wasn't that makeup saavy. What was highlighter and how do you even use it? I didn't know.

When I was preparing to compete in Miss Kansas USA, I thought I needed to step up my makeup game. My drugstore makeup probably wasn't going to cut it under the stage lights and around what I knew would be glamorous girls that were using brands such as Mac and Nars and such.

I spent hours at the MAC makeup counter at the mall getting schooled in makeup and what would be best for me. And then spent way too much money (but hey, I fundraised for it!). I do love the Mac products I bought and I am still finishing them out (over a year later, they still are going!), but I knew I couldn't be totally loyal to that brand because it wasn't exactly the best every day makeup for me and I still think it's a tad too pricey for my bank account.

When I first started practicing with my Mac products before competing in Miss Kansas USA

In April of 2015, I was contacted by Emily Flett, a Mary Kay consultant, and I decided to do a one-on-one facial with her. I went again for a color appointment and she taught me how to highlight and contour and I found makeup that fit well for me and what I wanted. I even got a couple skin care products, which was a big step for me!

Skin care is something I was told about and read about when I was in high school and battling those teenage pimples. But during college and after, I didn't have those teenage pimples and I was completely okay with just using my Clean & Clear cleanser and calling it day. But now I am starting to enter the age of being told that I should be taking good care of my skin now and it will be good for me in the long run.

So I started moisturizing for the first time in my life and I am not going back. Call it a life changer.

In my first meeting with Emily, she immediately told me I should do Mary Kay and that I would be good at it. She knew about my experience starting BUILD Beauty and my Miss Kansas USA journey and the like. I told her no.

And then she asked me I don't even know how many more times and I continued to say no and sometimes a "Ehhhh...I'll thhhiiinnnkk about it."

Then finally I gave in. I said yes. Signed the contract. And here I am.

The more I have reflected, pondered, and processed this decision, I feel more confident and happy I agreed to do this. I am finally at a point in my life that I am starting to settle into the Big Girl World and I found myself starting to ask, "So, this is it?"

As I have been getting things prepared for my Mary Kay adventure, I found my passion and energy for women empowerment in a dusty corner of my heart. I have been so focused on getting myself grounded in the Big Girl World, that I have put aside my passions.

I have already been wiping off the dust excitedly and anxiously and I am starting to feel those same eager, scared, and ecstatic feelings I had when starting BUILD Beauty. I think about the lives of women that I can touch and impact through this endeavor.

What I like about the idea of being a Mary Kay Consultant is that I am selling and teaching more than one concept. 

I will be able to help women learn and find the right makeup products for them so they can feel confident in that big job interview, glam during girls night, beautiful at work, and sexy on those date nights with a cute boy.

Makeup I did myself for a wedding I was recently in. Almost every product used was Mary Kay!

On the other side of Mary Kay, I will be able to teach women about skin care and taking good care of their face. That way they can feel beautiful and confident in their own skin when they want to go makeup free. Recently I went completely makeup free for a week straight. I feel like my Mary Kay skin products have improved my skin.

From the week I went totally makeup free!

I've gotten to that point of thinking I am quite beautiful without the makeup too. I want women to feel that.

So what happens?

Do you want me to be your beauty consultant?
Here are just some of the endless possibilities.

Book a one-on-one consultation with me | Have a party with your BFFs | Virtual party | For my long distance friends, we can have a Skype date! | Coffee date | Email me rachelnmsparkle@marykay.com | Ask me to join my closed Facebook Group: Rachel Marshall - Beauty Community | Text me | Browse & Buy from my website marykay.com/rachelnmsparkle

I am excited to talk about beauty and more with you! To me, me being a Mary Kay Consultant is not just me selling products. It's me being there for you to teach, show, answer questions, offer advice about skin care, makeup, style, and beyond. It doesn't just stop at the products. There is more to confidence than just products. And I want to help you with that!

Can't wait to hear from you and I would be thrilled to be your beauty consultant!

New Year, Better Me

Growing pains. And the year of short hair.

2015. Man, 2015 and I were close. We struggled a lot. And we also accomplished a lot. It's a year that will get that special distant smile from me whenever it's mentioned. 

At first, 2015 and I weren't getting along. Three months into it and I was about ready to chalk it up as the worst year yet. Let me try to paint the picture of what it was like with my words...

In January, I was completely unemployed. I had no source of income. I was now a full year into job searching. I was getting pissed. I had been a good kid that started to search even before graduating. Here I was, someone that graduated with honors and received a degree that is one of the most flexible ones you can get. Opportunities were supposed to be endless. I had worked harder outside of the classroom gaining real life experience while in college. Why the hell did I not have a job yet?

A couple weeks into the year, I experienced intense pain in my left breast where I had a cist. An abscess developed. I was put on antibiotics and was in bed in pain for a couple days trying to let it run its course. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. In the meantime, I also had to schedule a biopsy to be done on my other breast that had a lump in it that my doctor wanted me to check out ASAP. My lady parts didn't like 2015 either at first. 

February rolled around and I was still jobless. I got really sick and it eventually led me to the emergency room when the minute clinic was worried about my tonsils. I was told I had tonsillitis and was given my second subscription for antibiotics. A weekend in bed was spent. 

March showed up and it felt like my tonsillitis was trying to show up again. I went to a throat, nose, and ear doctor whom told me that my tonsillitis actually never fully left. I essentially had tonsillitis for about a month and was prescribed my third round of antibiotics for the year. 

By March, I had spent more time on antibiotics than not.

Oh, and I was still jobless. I had spent a few weeks back at the golf course part time and despised it. When I wasn't there, I was at Starbucks applying for jobs and writing as much as I could. It was when I was seeing my doctor about my abscess that I got the email that Elite Daily wanted me to be a contributing writer. During my time of unemployment and sickness, I also had my first article published on Thought Catalog. When I was bed ridden with tonsillitis that first weekend, I developed my website that would be dedicated to my writing for online publications and blog. 

I seem to never want to be stagnant. 

I had even tried to apply for unemployment and got denied. I had to defer my student loans another six months because I still didn't have a job and a way to start paying my loans every month. I started to feel my 23-year-old bright wide eyes that once was excited about opportunity and what I could do with my education and experience become dull. I started to question whether I had done enough in college. Did I not do well enough? Was I just not enough?

In March, I was asked to come and do an after school talk with the girls of the debate/forensics team at my old high school. They wanted me to talk about women empowerment, self-confidence, self-esteem, and the like. I was pretty much doing a BUILD Beauty gig. And here I was in one heck of a low time in my life. I was a recent college graduate and not much to show for it yet.

But I put together a presentation, I pulled out raw poetry I made for writing classes in college and I went in and I did it. I dove in and I opened myself and my life up to these girls to hopefully somehow empower and inspire their young hearts and minds. It was probably the best day of 2015 yet. I went in an insecure girl with an uncertain life and left that afternoon feeling a lot more reassured. It was as if those girls reminded me that maybe I kind of do have some of my stuff together.

Then eventually good things started to happen.

A weekend after that talk I gave, I, in the most random way, meet a guy from Iowa. At that time, I would have no idea how life changing that night would be. I didn't know how special he would come to be to me.

By the end of April, I got an email letting me know I landed a contract position at Black & Veatch as an Event Coordinator and I was going to help them with their 100 Year Anniversary Celebration. I cried in the bathroom of the golf course as I called my parents to tell them the news.

May 1, I stepped foot in Black & Veatch and got my first taste in the corporate world. I finally had my first big girl job almost a full year after graduating college. It was a mind blowing experience. I still am not over it.

Once that came, my life went 1,000mph. 

I moved out and got an apartment with Anna. With the move, I decided to buy new bedroom furniture on my own and design what would become my new space.

I bought a new car for the first time ever.

Anna and I adopted a kitty. #Liza

On a whim, I booked a trip to Colorado on my own to visit a friend and to spend time in the mountains.

And then I started a new relationship with that Iowa boy I mentioned earlier.

I even got a new job. I had no idea whether or not Black & Veatch would extend full employment to me when my contract was up at the end of the year, so I felt the pressure to find something and I wanted something more permanent. Now I had big girl bills to pay. I needed to find something solid. And I am so glad and thankful I did as an Event Coordinator at Jack Stack Barbecue.

I like to think I ended 2015 strong. As 2016 has greeted me, I have reflected on 2015 and what I want to accomplish and do in 2016. Jordan and I were talking about our goals for the year and he had thrown out the go-to phrase, "New Year, New You."

And I said, "Nah, I am thinking more 'New Year, Better Me.'"

When I think about last year, I feel like I exhausted the word, new. It was all about the new job, new apartment, new car, new cat, new job again, new boyfriend. It was all new, new, new. I am happy I was able to say it so much in 2015, but it's not going to be the theme so much in 2016. It's going to be better. Now that I have all these new things and have gotten to where I am today, I am at the point of, okay, now how the hell do I manage all this?!

My goals and desires for 2016 is to be and do better. I want to be better with money. Have a better diet. Learn how to be better at my job. Just be a better person. I've been working hard to establish myself and now I want to learn how to do all these big girl things better. And I already have some plans of action. ;)

As I wind down this post, I can't help but be overwhelmed with how crazy it is that my life has changed so much in a year. I am sitting at my desk in my room in my apartment I didn't have then and I have the lamp on. I had bought it for my cube when I worked at Black & Veatch in which I hadn't experienced yet a year ago. There is a picture of Jordan and I from my first Iowa State game. I still hadn't met him yet a year ago either. I have business cards from my current job next to that. All of this didn't exist a year ago. What a way to come in just a year.

Imagine what you can do. Don't give up. You might get pissed. You might not feel like enough. But you will eventually be happy. And you are enough. Even if sweet high school girls gently remind you one day. :) Just keep going. Please.

My 24-year-old eyes feel wide and sparkly again.

That One Time I Wanted a Bloody Mary

I just wanted a damn Bloody Mary.

It was a rough week of work. Friday rolled around finally and I wanted to satisfy my craving for a Bloody Mary. I was going to get one even if it meant achieving it alone. I was supposed to have a date that night and he had cancelled again. So I really was going to do what I wanted because that kind of stuff can't stop, won't stop me.

As soon as I got home, I threw on a dress and freshened up my lipstick and hair. Then I made my way to Yard House all by myself and I walked in and told the hostess it was just me and I wanted to sit outside on the patio. It would be a 45 minute wait. I told her I would go shop and come back and I took that black brick so it could buzz at me when they were ready and thew it in my purse.

I made my way to Off Broadway shoes store and started trying on an array of high heels that I had my eyes on. I was trying to get my strappy sandals back on so I could start making my way back to Yard House when all of the sudden one of the straps broke. Completely broke. I looked at the time and frantically thought, well I am in a shoe store, surely I can buy a pair of sandals real quick! 

Hobbling around with a broken sandal, I went down the isles and tried a couple on, but couldn't find a pair that I loved and would actually spend $40+ on. I kept checking the time knowing that any minute, they would be trying to buzz that black brick, but I wouldn't know because I was way down the way at another store.

So I decided I would suck it up and take myself back to Yard House with my broken shoe. I hurried as much as I could in the done-for-sandal with the heat of the summer sun making me start to sweat. I made my way down the front hall of Yard House and waited.

I looked around me and finally noticed all the couples and the groups of girls. There was a huge country concert that would be happening that night. Couples dressed up nicely. Girls with their perfectly fresh blonde curls, cute outfits, and boots to go with them.

Here I was; frazzled, hot, standing there waiting wearing my broken sandal. I wore a bright dress and my short brown hair was fiercely slicked back.

I started to get uncomfortable. But I had gone out to eat alone plenty of times! I told myself. But it wasn't on a Friday night, in a dress, full makeup, surrounded by people that aren't like me. I was so frustrated with how the week went and even that past hour. I wanted to ditch the whole plan and just go home.

I knew I couldn't though. I had craved and wanted a Bloody Mary so much. There was no way I was going to let the shoe mishap, the cancelled date, and the other dates that were actually happening win. I knew I was so much stronger than that.

So after waiting longer and longer, I finally asked the hostess what was up. Why hadn't I been seated yet? They had indeed tried buzzing that black brick while I was gone, but I was too far away for it to work. Then they continued on down the list. They finally were able to sit me outside on the patio. And boy, did I order that Bloody Mary and even a salad.

On that summer Friday night, I sat a table by myself among tables of couples and girls with their best friends as I caught up on messages. Messages from friends in different states. No matter if I am physically alone, I always have friends across the US in the palm in my hand. That evening, I was giving my input on wedding outfit ideas for a couple of my close guy friends miles away.

I took my notebook out of my purse, grabbed a pen, and started writing and brainstorming ideas for my blog while I sat at the table eating and drinking to my delight.

I already knew this would be good writing material.#NeverADullMoment

The night I got my damn Bloody Mary

Putting Too Much Weight Into A Number

In these two pictures I weighed about the same. Maybe a poundish off, if that. With this post, I want to be an example to girls on how the scale shouldn’t be the end all or be all when it comes to our bodies. In the first picture, it was when I had realized I was in a time of my life where I had let my body get a little out of control, which started to make me feel self-conscious about myself. In the second picture, my body is a lot different.

When I trained for Miss Kansas USA, I had conquered those [Ten] pounds I had wanted to lose. But last week, the scale tried to tell me that all those pounds had missed me and came back. I knew not to fall for that. The training that I did and have continued to carry on (but not as intense at the moment) even after the pageant has changed my body a lot. My shoulders are defined, I have lines I didn’t know I could have, my back is pretty sculpted, my legs have a lot more muscle and shape, and now I even have a butt. (Something that I’ve been made fun of for years, but have enjoyed the recent compliments!)

Weight gain from pageant weekend in November to June 19

So maybe the “price I am paying” to have these cool features I’ve never had before is that my number on the scale is a little more. As women, we put so much weight (pun intended. I am not going to try to hide it) into the number we see on the scale, but I like to feel my body instead of look at the number. 

Please ladies, instead of looking down at the scale, look up at the mirror and see the progress in your body. There is so much more than that number. How are your clothes fitting? How does that dress look on you now?

This picture was snapped just over the weekend and thought it was a good visual of lines and muscles I have even with this "weight gain."

Ending with story time:

You know how Five Guys gives you a sack of fries pretty much? Well I ate them all. All of them. And even the whole cheeseburger tonight. And I have some Ben & Jerry’s ice cream waiting for me in the freezer before bed. For real though. OK. Bye! #NotApologizingForThatOne

Bloody Marys, Music, Buttons, Mascara

What. A. Week.
I must say I did a lot of "adulting" this week. Which led me to daydream and want this tonight. So I went and got a damn bloody mary myself! (Another experience I'll have to share in a future blog post)

I've had three different people tell me three different reasons for the shot of beer. Any other guesses?

Can we take a quick second to think about the fact that Hilary Duff came out with a brand new album this week as well?! I went and got it on Tuesday when it came out. Nebraska Furniture Mart didn't even have it out yet at 7PM…… So after months of waiting and all the delays, I was delayed another 15ish minutes while I waited for them to unpack it! I have had it on repeat. I am digging "My Kind", "Confetti" (surprised?", "Breathe In. Breathe Out." and "Tattoo." I've been liking "Sparks" for months since it came out as a single. ;) Anyone else purchase the album? What are your favorites?

She might have been my #WCW this week on Insta. Follow me at glitterandthegirlygirl!

I created my first button for Glitter and the Girly Girl! (Kind of geeking out.) You can find it on the right hand side! If you have a blog, please feel free to put my button on yours. :) I've been having fun learning so much about blogs and what you can do with them besides simply publishing posts.

Lately, I have been digging the half topknot that's in style.

I have also laid off the eyeliner yesterday as pictured above and today, pictured below, to go for a different eye look. I am having my eyes and mascara do their thang. It's a nice change up. I also tried a slick back hairstyle today as well.

And speaking of mascara…on Monday, I asked for recommendations on a Facebook status and over 20 different recommendations later, I bought my first 2 new ones tonight! L'Oreal Miss Manga and Maybelline Pumped Up! Colossal. I am anxious to give them a try! I wish I could buy them all :) I loved getting all the feedback and I plan on doing more of those since I am wearing makeup more for work and have found out how uneducated I am in that department!

Things that have made my week besides the adulting stuff

The Hilary Duff album

My new planner came in the mail (!!!) blog post to come!

A fitness class I like to go to was cancelled last minute so me and a few other "regular ladies" worked out together and it was a neat women empowerment feeling

Spontaneously bought Lena Dunham's Not That Kind of Girl book I've been curious about and hope to actually find an inkling of time here and there to read

I feel like there is a lot happening and coming up and I will be sure to share soon enough. Have a great weekend and drink a bloody mary for me. :) #currentobsessions 

BUILD Beauty: Turning 4

There they sat. Over 10 girls in dresses and skirts sitting on couches and chairs as I walked into the living room of the President’s house at Emporia State University. There were only a couple faces that were familiar to me, and the rest I was taking in for the very first time.

A second in and I was already a tad overwhelmed.

I was handed a pink binder with gold accents and decoration. It was the 2015 BUILD Beauty Confidence Book. Just at first glance, I thought about the one I made a few years ago and how this one kicked that one’s ass. This one was so much cooler.

And that is the point of being a leader. You want them to be better and do better than what you were and what you did before you left.

After desert, we came back in the living room and I sat in a chair across from them and it wasn’t long before I started facilitating discussion. I learned about the things BUILD Beauty had done the past year, which included an inner beauty pageant, two guy panels, and baking food for the community. They shared plans for their future that included getting even more involved with the community and possibly doing something with the Girl Scouts.

We talked about women’s issues and what they felt about them.

It was a good open discussion that led to one girl sharing with us that as a young mom she deals with the stereotype that she won’t go anywhere in life or won’t be as successful. She takes her 2-year-old daughter with her to BUILD Beauty meetings. The night at the President’s house was one of the first nights she got out alone and she was proud.

I was swimming in emotions.

…

Growing up, I never sought out to be a role model for women, the word feminism wasn’t in my vocabulary just yet, and women empowerment was not a topic in my brain even through high school.

So lately, I've been searching for what it was exactly that ignited inside me which led me to where I am today. If I had to pinpoint a place, it would be spring break of my freshman year of college when I was reading a SEVENTEEN magazine article about Beauty Peace Day that inspired me to create an organization for women on the Emporia State University campus.

After that, it’s events and experiences that I think have helped shape that fire. This doesn’t feel like something I chose to do or something I aspired to be when I was younger, but rather something that was laid upon me. I went from a girl that never spoke in dance class to a girl that spoke to dancers at the same studio I attended.

…

Surreal. That’s what I keep thinking and saying when I describe the night at the President’s house for the 4^th BUILD Beauty birthday party. She turned 4 years old. I had feared that once I left that it wouldn’t exist anymore. That the mission and passion and interest would go away. But I walked into a room full of girls that I hadn’t even met that were continuing a vision and evolving it in their own ways.

I kept thinking, these girls are being impacted by an idea I had one night in my bedroom. Girls I don’t even know. BUILD Beauty has sustained and is still going. I didn’t really know what it would look like years down the road when it first began, but it is an amazing thing to see it 4 years later and I can’t wait to see what it turns into in years to come.

Thank you to everyone that has kept it going and believes in the mission. You are beautiful. Please continue to BUILD.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

Sunday Sprinkle: Fighting For Fireflies

Fighting for Fireflies

I fight for fireflies at night during dark days.

Their bursts of light are shining inspiration.

Like a heart beats; they twinkle.

Keeping my curious spirit alive.

I search for rainbows in storms.

Their colors grace cloudy skies

showing me to cherish the good

as the same as the bad times.

I yearn for butterflies in my stomach.

Their wings flutter, kissing my feelings

all over. Making me tingle from his touch;

teaching me about that 4-letter-word, love.

I dream for girls to love themselves.

Their confident smiles glowing loudly

and their skin breathing fresh air.

Flaw wouldn’t be a word anymore.

I fight for fireflies.

I search for rainbows.

I yearn for butterflies.

I dream for girls.

I write for you.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl

#MegaBabeMission

In January, I completed Gala Darling’s first Mega Babe Mission. The mission was to “Write a note to ten friends telling them what you love about them.”

This mission brought out a lot. While it just says 10 friends, I kept it strictly to girls this time around.

I excitedly got my notebook out and started jotting down the names of women in my life that I admire, respect, look up to, call my best friend, have known for years, to months, to only have only hung out with a time or two, and a couple none at all, but still hold a special place in my heart.

Before I knew it, I had written over 30 names! So I decided to put a limit on myself and narrow it down to 30. Around 10 of them received handwritten cards and the other 20 were sent personal Facebook messages.

Once I started sending out the Facebook messages, the responses came flowing in. The feedback was tremendous with a couple girls saying it had made their day. That felt cool.

It didn’t take much for me to feel glad that I actually took the time one night to sit down and do this. It was a neat experience reflecting and thinking about these ladies and what I love about them. To sift through memories and how they have impacted my life.

And to think that I was able to know and tell 30 girls what I love about them astounds me. What’s even crazier is that I could have kept going! I am honored and thankful to have so many great women in my life doing amazing things and who are sweet, caring, and hilarious.

I recommend this activity to anyone. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in life and what’s happening. We rarely take the time to really think about what we love about others. What they mean to us. How they have impacted us. And sometimes, we don’t hear it enough. Some of them also replied back with their own thoughts about me, which warmed my heart. It’s feel good all around.

Are you ready to write some notes?

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

facebook.com/glitterandthegirlygirl