Revision

Revising is not my favorite thing to do when it comes to writing. I usually like to get it mostly done the way I want and then don't make very many changes after. If I do make changes to a poem, it is simple changes like cutting a word here or there, switching lines around, or changing a line or two. Now that I am taking poetry class and my project for my creative writing seminar is poetry, I have had to learn to revise. 

I have never been so obsessed with perfecting a poem as much as I have been with a poem I wrote called, "City Lights." I shared it with you guys when I first wrote it back in August. It's probably been through at least 5 other drafts as I have work shopped it in both of my classes getting feedback from my fellow students in my classes and two professors. I even had the chance to submit a poem for a visiting poet to look over and I got to sit down with him one day and talk it over and take the critiques he had written down too. It was a neat opportunity! His name is William (Bill) Sheldon. You can look him up on Google! A Kansas poet and author.

So I wanted to share the latest draft. I looked back at what I had posted on here and it is amazing how much it has changed! Oh, the beauty of writing, words, and revision. 

This is the original first draft.

City Lights

It's a whirlwind night

Surrounded by 

City lights

Strings of them

Wrapped in limbs of trees

Twinkle

A beautiful monument

Makes it a romantic

Place where I'm glad to be

In this unfamiliar city

The hum of cars pass

By on the brick roads

Of the round about

Conversations float in the air

From people walking around

And I'm enjoying the company

Of a boy from LA

That just bought me ice cream

From a shop across the way

We indulge

We chat

As we sit on the ledge

We pass flirting

Now on the edge

Of a crush

When I so easily blush

He spits out the chocolate chips

Because he only likes the mint

We talk school

We talk religion

He plays it cool

Makes it a mission

To pick on me

To get closer to me

Like any boy that plays games

It was today I learned his name

As I stand before him

I slip my arms around his neck

Our pauses

Longer

Knowing what's next

It's right

It's now

We don't make a sound

We both ease in

To a perfect first kiss

For a perfect moment

On a whirlwind night

Surrounded by city lights

The latest draft.

City Lights

It’s a whirlwind night surrounded

by city lights,

strings of them wrapped in limbs of trees

twinkle.

A beautiful monument makes it romantic

in this unfamiliar city.

Cars pass by on brick roads

of the roundabout.

Conversations float in the air

from people walking by.

And I‘m with a 

a boy from UCLA

that just bought me ice cream

from a little shop

across the way.

It was today I learned his name,

Turner.

We take a seat on a ledge

and pass the flirting,

now on the edge

of a crush.

He spits out the chocolate chips

because he only likes the mint.

We talk school

and we talk religion.

The first Mormon I’ve come across.

He plays it cool and makes it a mission

to pick on me,

to get a little closer.

I slip my arms around his neck,

our pauses become longer.

It’s right.

Its’ now.

We don’t make a sound.

We both ease in

to that first little kiss

We smile,

and kiss

again and again.

My hands explore his hair,

bleached from the sun.

His hands pull me closer

and I become undone.

People pass

and time keeps going

without neither of us noticing.

Sparkle & Shine

Rachel