Homesickness & Excitment

As school was coming to an end, all anyone could talk about was how excited they were for summer. I felt like I was the only one that didn't really have excitement for it. At the time I had no idea what I was going to do about a job. I didn't really have any plans or anything. I felt like there wasn't much for me to be excited about. I was content with being at school and being busy all the time and doing things I love. I was the oddball.

The first few weeks of summer was weird. I didn't have a job, school, or meetings to attend. Nothing. I was going day by day. I watched a lot of Sex and the City and got to visit with a lot of friends and family in between sleeping in and going to the gym. It was a foreign feeling to me, but was much needed.

As time progressed over the summer, I was surprised at how much I was enjoying my summer. I was relaxing for once, doing things I wanted, seeing people I hadn't in a long time and growing closer to friends and family. I definitely strengthened my bonds with people this summer which has been really important to me.

As I was going over my schedule for August with my mom, walking her through all the places to be and things to do, she decided for me to not come home after my trip to Indianapolis and for me to just stay at school until labor day weekend which isn't until September. At that moment my heart dropped a little. I had this wave of emotion in my chest go through me. It was like it was anxiety or a shot of homesickness. I have spent so much time with my family and close friends, that it was weird to think I wouldn't see them for atleast 3 weeks when I would see them at least three times a week. As it is getting closer, it is getting a little tough. This morning at church I hugged my pastor and he asked when I was leaving for Emporia. I said, "tomorrow." Hearing it out loud hit me. I will miss going to church ever Sunday and bible study after week, but I will get to when I can.

It is a bittersweet thing. I live this unique life right now during college. I have home here in Kansas City, but Emporia has become a home to me too. I probably easily live there more than I do in Kansas City in a span of a year. I live both and I have so many beautiful people in both places. I don't know if I could be more blessed. Thankfully I have the technology. I have calls, texts, emails, Facebook, Twitter and Skype to keep updated and connected with everyone. I have hints of homesickness looming in me, but excitement for the upcoming weeks to come is shining too.

I am glad to have a great summer. It treated me well. I am so excited for what is to come. There are so many great things about to happen and I will be sure to keep you filled in. :)

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

 

Eat Pray Love

One of my all time favorite books is Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. I love pretty much everything about it. I love that it is a memoir, I love her humor, her thoughts, lessons learned, the places she visits, everything. My heart and thoughts go back to that book a lot. She goes on a journey for a year and lives in Italy, India, and Indonesia. To put it plain and simple: She Eats in Italy, Prays in India, and Loves in Indonesia.

This summer, I think it was when I was eating alone at Italian Delight and indulging on amazing cheese pizza (Italian food. See the parallel?) that I had started to feel this Eat Pray Love journey of mine. I am single like she had been on the journey. I got out of a deep relationship kind of like Elizabeth Gilbert getting a divorce. I was burned by a few boys soon after the break up kind of like Elizabeth getting burned by a boyfriend she had had after the divorce and right before her journey.

The fact that I acquired a job at an Italian restaurant was probably my second hint. That was my Italy. I was surrounded by Italian food almost everyday so I had it often just like Elizabeth Gilbert.

It wasn't hard for me to see that my church was my ashram in India. I had made it a goal at the beginning of summer to dig deeper into the spiritual part of me. I started to attend a bible study every Thursday morning at 9am. It is a group comprised of about 6 adults and then our two pastors attend as well. It is very small and intimate. I fell in love with that group and the time I got to spend with them. They were my Richard from Texas. I attended church every week except for one due to being out of town. I also attended a women's retreat there yesterday which was an amazing experience. I got to be away from my phone and life for most of the day as I got to get to know women at my church even more as well as about life and the story of Ruth. I will probably have future posts that will relate back to that day. I started doing yoga more and I hope to make it more of a habit. I want to meditate and become better at it just like Elizabeth Gilbert. I think the incident with the 3 pennies and a night under the stars would be my big moment with God. You know, like the big moment Elizabeth Gilbert had with Him.

So I had come up with an Italy and an India. I had been eating and praying, but what about love? Elizabeth had met a man in Bali. Now everyone has a different journey. Ours is not exactly the same and I think this is where mine is most different. I do not really have one boy that would be my boy in Bali like Elizabeth Gilbert had. Not just yet. I am still mingling and getting to know people. So maybe eventually I will get that Bali boy, but in the mean time, I have began to fall in love with myself. And I have been loving and feeling the love of my family and friends which has been amazing. That is my love in this journey. In the first chunk of summer I was in the gym almost every day working out pretty hard. I could feel that difference in my body and stamina when I exercised. I had reached a confidence with myself on the outside. A feeling I hadn't really felt before in this time of my life. Since being single and experiencing things on my own, I have come to know me as myself more. I have been really enjoying it. I used to hate my own company and couldn't stand being left alone with myself, but now I don't mind it. It's fine by me. I have had the opportunity to see and hang out with so many people that I hadn't seen in years or haven't hung out with. I have gotten to see my best friend at least 1-3 times a week every week. I have had a lot of quality time with my family and grown closer to them. So many bonds have been strengthened and I couldn't be more thankful for it. I have definitely been filled with love.

I recently watched an interview with Elizabeth Gilbert on Oprah. She definitely intrigues me and I feel that we are alike. She said that anyone can have a journey like hers and they don't necessarily have to go to the places like she did to experience it. I feel like that is just what I did. Now then again, I wouldn't mind actually going to the places sometime in my future!
This summer has been extraordinary and I will remember it always. I feel full and content just like Elizabeth Gilbert.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

The Shonrocks: ESU's President & First Lady

In the Spring semester of my Freshman year of college, the President of Emporia State University sent out a special email to everyone announcing that he was resigning. It came out of nowhere and students wondered who would replace him and how soon. During the Fall semester of my Sophomore year, 4 candidates visited and interviewed for the spot and it was officially announced that December that President Michael Shonrock would be our new President at Emporia State University. I was able to catch a peek at the very end of his first speech when they announced it after my class. I was anxious to see what this President would be like and how well he would do there. It didn’t take me long to figure it out.

I had seen him around campus every once in awhile and we formally introduced ourselves at a meet and mingle with him that I was invited to for recognized student organization presidents or board members. I had patiently waited over an hour as others got to meet him until he came over to my group. It was then when I got the courage to tell him about BUILD Beauty and gave him an index card that had my information on it asking him if he could pass it along to his wife and see if she could come to the next BUILD Beauty meeting. He put it in his pocket on the inside of his suit jacket and the day before the next meeting I received an email from his wife telling me she would be at the meeting. He actually gave her my measly index card and told her about me! I couldn’t believe it as she attended the meeting and I was introduced to her. By the end of the meeting, she was offering their house as a place to host our first birthday party for BUILD and they would cover costs for food. She told me to just email her with ideas. It was a great opportunity to have our first BUILD Beauty birthday party at the President’s house! It went really well too J

By the end of the semester, it was pretty much normal for me to see him at some point on campus every day. We would exchange hellos and maybe a small conversation here and there. I had seen this guy more in a couple weeks span than I had ever seen our previous President. I actually never had a conversation with our previous one.

I have even encountered the Shonrocks over the summer while I am not at school! I worked an Ambassador event at the T-Bones game for an Alumni event. There were other Division II schools there as well such as Washburn, Pitt State, Fort Hays, etc. President Shonrock showed up and mingled and at one point was working the event himself! He was taking tickets and directing people at the food tables. It didn’t take long for a buzz to stir as representatives from other schools got their phones out and texted the Presidents of their schools giving them flack for not voluntarily working the food tables let alone even being present at the event.

I also worked a fundraiser for our football team that was in Kansas City this past week and the Shonrocks were in attendance. I had just gotten back with a fellow ambassador from getting a couple packs of water bottles.  I was walking in carrying a pack of water bottles when he had seen me and was excited to see I was there and asked how my summer was going. I eventually went and talked with his wife, Karen. We exchanged how our summers have been and talked about other topics such as football season and how it is a requirement for Ambassadors to be 21 in order to work the President’s box because we would be handling alcohol. She didn’t like the sound of that. She said we wouldn’t handle alcohol anymore because she didn’t want to be giving us ideas. Also, she wanted any of the Ambassadors to be able to work the President’s box and have fun. She said she would talk to Michael about it and by the end of the night I saw her again and she said it will be changed and she would talk to our advisor about it! I was also able to talk to her about some other ideas the Ambassadors have had concerning alumni and she wants to help out with that. She asked how BUILD Beauty was coming along and the plans for the semester. We even got to chatting about nail polish and my blog. J

President Shonrock visited us a few times during the night talking to us about ESU. He talked about the renovations and changes going on on campus and how excited he is for our first football game. He wants EVERYONE to be there. No excuses! He plans to visit sororities and fraternities that week and encourage them to go and will most likely visit the dorms to get Freshman to go as well!

While I met with our Ambassador advisor, Nikki, over this summer to brainstorm, she had mentioned that President Shonrock has refused to have an official inauguration and wants the money that would be used for it to go to the school for something useful. The last inauguration for our past President had cost around $200,000! I was amazed by this information and decided to ask Shonrock himself about this topic when we were talking with him. He said it was true that he did not want a formal inauguration because it costs time and money. People that work at ESU would have to take time to plan it and put it together which takes time from their job which then costs money. It also takes money to put it on such as the dinner and the whole nine yards. So he was able to use that money and start a scholarship in which full time employees of ESU can have their spouses or children attend ESU for free! He told us a story in which he talked about it with a custodian at the university. The custodian had teared up because her son would now be able to go to college when he probably wouldn’t have had that opportunity to do so before that.

That night after the football fundraiser, I was filled with joy and excitement that Emporia State has been blessed with such a great President that is full of ideas, changes, and positive energy. There have been so many changes since he has been in office this last January and students, faculty, and alumni can definitely feel it. Big things are happening and Emporia State is definitely getting on the map. I am excited I still have a significant time there to see the changes and be a part of it. It amazes me that I am on a first name basis with the President and First Lady of my university and I am able to talk to them and voice my ideas and suggestions for the university. They listen to me and are willing to help out. I am so thankful to have these opportunities and that students can be really involved in our school.

That night at the fundraiser the MC asked who was willing to donate $1,000. President Shonrock didn’t hesitate to raise his number.  If you ask him about it, he would probably eventually say, “that’s just how I roll.”

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel 

Karen Shonrock & I during the BUILD Beauty Birthday Party

President Shonrock, Kirsten, & I at the T-Bones Alumni Event

The 50th Post: A Thank You

I love Dove chocolates that are filled with caramel. I also love when they have inspiring and witty sayings on the inside of the wrappers. I remember one that I had a long time ago that said two phrases that aren’t used enough are “I love you” and “Thank you.” I thought that was interesting and I could probably agree to it.

As I thought about what I wanted to do for my 50^th blog post, I had some ideas, but it finally came to me that I needed to say, “Thank you.” Ever since I read that wrapper, I have been more aware of saying thank you to people. I have realized the impact that it can have whether I am saying it to someone or if I am receiving it. When I graduated high school, I wrote thank you cards to some of my favorite teachers that really impacted my life. I will probably do the same when I graduate college. I have a stash of thank you cards and will probably always have a stash of them throughout my life to thank people. I even mailed one today!

So I want to take the time to thank you for reading my blog whether this is your first time reading, you visit occasionally, or you have read all other 49 posts! I even want to personally thank some people. First, would be my parents, whom I am pretty sure has read every post! My mom supported and encouraged me when I first came up with the idea for this blog and my dad has been sharing my 3 Pennies post at work! To my brother and sister that read them even though my brother thought it was ridiculous I blogged about my picture frame and wine bottle! (LOL) My sister comforted me when I had some negative feedback to it.  I want to do a personal shout out to my Aunt Amy who I think has read every post as well! She has even shared some of my posts and shared her story in response to my “Speak Up” post. 

Now I wanted to list names of people that have contacted me through Facebook, texted me, to even talked to me at the gym about my blog. These are people that have either talked to me about posts, helped me with some, reached out to tell me how it has impacted their life, or encouraged me to keep it up. I really do take it to heart and appreciate all the discussions, comments, emails, messages, and everything in between!

Thank you,

Sammie Stinson – Jessica Eisman – Emily Cavlovic – Jessica Kile – Kendra Folsom – Michael Crosier – Chase Cook – Chris Huey – Dominic Sosinski – Kirsten Zamarripa – Fallon Thompson – Dylan Clark – Daniel Goodman – Brandon Fields – Tommy McMahon – Nick Balliett – Nick Welker – Trey Brokaw – Heather Ludlum – Savannah Casteel – Emily Lai – Tammy Trotter-Smith – Colin Curtis – Nicole Woods - Adam Pack – Eden Tullis – Kelsie Weiser - Kim Mikulan - Nadia Williamson - Greg Ferris - Katherine Boyice - Jessica Vigil

Thank you for reading!

Also a thank you to all the beautiful people in my life that make my life interesting and beautiful like you which gives me things to write about! Thank you for the support through the rough times and all the laughs through the great times. And even a thank you to the people that might have hurt my feelings which just gave me things to write about too for this blog! You gotta have the good and bad, right? It's what makes life even more interesting! 

Speaking of thank you, Thank You by Alanis Morissette is a great song. If you don’t know it already, you should check it out!

I hope you become aware of what a simple thank you can do and start saying it more. It is much appreciated and it feels good to say it!

I do apologize if I may have forgotten someone! 

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

Couldn't resist! Chuckled when I saw this :)

3 Pennies

Last night, I went into work at 4:45pm and was scheduled to work until midnight. This was going to be my first night closing. I was also going to be working the dining room by myself. It was pretty hectic as we were busy pretty much the whole night. There was a guy that wasn't the best worker there that was working. He randomly asked me if I was Christian. I said, "yeah." Even though I am pretty sure I am still technically Catholic. Later on, he walked out. Quit. So we were short handed for the rest of the night. I didn't get a break the whole night. We worked straight through and were finally out around 11:30pm.

I had noticed as the night went on that I had not received any tips at all. I did find 3 pennies that were on a ledge by a table that a customer had abandoned so I stuffed them in my pocket. I am a firm believer that every penny counts. They really can add up if you save them! As the night kept progressing, I became even more aware that I was not getting any tips, which was a little unusual. It crossed my mind and I had a feeling that maybe there was a reason for it. Maybe something better was going to come my way. Maybe I was going to get a really generous tip from someone or someone would say something or do something that would touch my heart.

After finally getting off work, grabbing some McDonald's on the way home, and a refreshing shower, I got tucked in bed and did my nightly reading for my daily devotional book, The Confident Woman by Joyce Meyer. I opened it up to the date, July 7. The title of the day's devotional was "Stand With God." I read the opening passage at the top and then got to the devotional. The first paragraph read,

"When Mother Teresa (1910-1997) left for India to begin her mission work there, she was told she could not do it because she had no money and no one to help her. I was told she said she had three pennies and God, and that was all she needed."

I finished the passage, made sure my fish was fed, and turned off the light. I laid down and tried to get to sleep when I realized something. I had 3 pennies. That night at work, I had found 3 pennies and took them. I thought back to what Mother Teresa had said. She had three pennies and God, and that was all she needed. This couldn't be just a coincidence. Three pennies show up at work and then the devotional that night mentions three pennies and God. Those three pennies I found had to have been from God. 

I have been on a spiritual journey for over a year now and have been taking steps in furthering it. This summer I have been focusing on prayer and believing. I even attend a bible study/prayer group at my church on Thursday mornings. I am trying to strengthen my relationship with God. For me, it is sometimes hard to believe everything in the bible or what people say. When people say God talks to them or when I read parts in Eat, Pray, Love I couldn't help but wonder if it really happened. You hear stories, but I sometimes have trouble believing. And while on my spiritual journey, I have had trouble believing everything. Believing that He is really here and exists. But these three pennies are physical things that help me believe. He had to show me somehow and He did. I believe.

My thoughts and feelings were true, when I had a hunch that something great was going to happen. I am so excited about this and can't wait to share it in my bible study group on Thursday. I hope that this inspired you to believe as well. I am definitely keeping these three pennies as a reminder. A reminder that He exists and is there for me and that also just like Mother Teresa maybe all I really need is three pennies and God. These three pennies is the best tip I can ever get and it was from God.

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

The Three Pennies

Those Hazel Eyes

Since I have started this new chapter in my life, I have started to feel more like Taylor Swift and I feel like I can relate to her when it comes to different things and one of those things is the subject of boys. Instead of songs, I write poems. When a boy impacts me whether it is by making me happy, anxious, sad, angry, lead on, or hurt; I write poems to express it. It helps me get feelings out. There was a quote in Taylor Swift’s 2011 calendar that stuck with me and has been on my mind when it comes to me writing poetry about boys.

“I’m the kind of person who needs to feel like everything happens for a reason. When you date a guy and it goes badly, that’s horrible. But if you can write a song about it then it was worth it.”

That last line stuck with me the most for months when I first read it. I feel like now I know if I can write a poem about a certain boy, it means I actually like them or did like them a lot. Now that I revisited this quote for this blog, I reflected over the first part more and also feel like I relate to that. I am a person that likes to believe that things happen for a reason as well. There have been a few boys that I have liked and things didn’t work out and I like to believe that they either taught me something, opened my eyes, or gave me an experience that I needed to have in order to learn and grow stronger. Like Taylor Swift said, it is horrible when it goes bad or doesn’t work out in my case, but it was worth it because I learned and I grew from it. I also got poems out of it too! Like this one called, “Those Hazel Eyes” about a boy I had a really big crush on, but unfortunately things did not work out.

Those Hazel Eyes

You said I made you smile

And I thought you’d stay for awhile

The way you looked at me

With those hazel eyes

Felt like we’re meant to be

In each other’s lives

It was that late night in May

I thought you’d be mine someday

I had a crush

My heart beat fast

Never thought you would rush

And I’d come in last

To another girl

I’d give you the world

But now I have to let go

And just be okay

I’ll go with the flow

And let the feelings slip away

Thank you for reading!

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

OPI Nail Polish: The Favorites - The Essentials

As many of you now know, one of my best friends, Jessica, and I are obsessed with nail polish. Especially OPI nail polish. Sometimes I really wish you guys could see us in action talking about it. But as I was making my excel spreadsheet of my nail polishes, I thought it would be cool if Jessica and I made a top 10 OPI list. I wanted us to pick 10 colors that we couldn't live without, that if we could only have 10 of them for the rest of our lives what would they be? Or if girls out there are interested in nail polish and want some recommendations, what would be good ones to suggest? I went over to her house yesterday so we could go through our collections and debate and discuss what the top ones would be. Instead of just making one top 10 list, we ended up dividing it up into different lists. We have the limited edition colors, the classics, classic pinks, and then a top 5 basic list. I will break it down even more as we go along.

Ready?

The Limited Edition Top Ten OPI Colors
This list is comprised of ten colors that are out right now and will retire soon or have already retired and you can't get it anywhere! I know, it stinks. But we couldn't not include these amazing colors!
Servin' Up Sparkle - This is the perfect glitter because it has big glitter in it. It's from the Serena Williams collection. It is a silver glitter that can go on top of any color!
Teenage Dream - This is a pink glitter that's from the Katy Perry collection. It is also a big glitter type. It's a favorite of ours because you can use it by itself. Doesn't need to go on top of anything!
Rainbow Connection - This one is a thick glitter with different shapes and colors. It is from The Muppets collection that came out last Christmas. It was so popular and sold out fast. I was unable to get it because it was sold out everywhere when it came to Christmas. Jessica got to snag it up though! I have the Kardashian Kolors Nicole by OPI version of it though! There are other versions of it in other brands as well.
Let Me Entertain You - This was from the Burlesque collection and is very flashy.
Merry Midnight - From a Christmas collection. In Jessica's words its "An oldie, but a goodie." It is a dark purple glittery color.
Grape...Set...Match! - Also from the Serena Williams collection and is a true purple with shimmer.
It's My Year - I have blogged about this one already and it is one of my all time favs. It is a gold/purple shimmer. Changes colors in the light! It is from the Miss Universe collection and was very limited edition! Hard to find!
Swimsuit...Nailed It! - This is also from the Miss Universe collection and it is a bold, shimmering, and rich dark blue.
Catch Me In Your Net - I am wearing this one right now. Jessica has this one and it is retired. It is a blue with green glitter in it. So pretty and wish I had it in my collection!
Fly - This is from the Nicki Minaj collection that came out this past winter and is a great solid teal colors. It is thick and doesn't need many coats!

The Classics Top Ten List
These are colors that you can get pretty much anytime. They have not yet retired and can be found almost anywhere OPI is sold. Definitely don't skip over this list if you are interested in expanding your collection!
My Address Is "Hollywood" - This is one of my all time favorites. It is a sophisticated and classy pink that can be worn for professional events, meetings, etc.
The Thrill Of Brazil - I have also blogged about this color. One of my favorite shades of red. It is bold, solid, and thick so you don't have to put too many coats! Can be worn year round.
An Affair In Red Square - This is a nice fall/winter color. It is a darker red with shimmer.
Cajun Shrimp - A fun summer classic! This is an orange-y-pink shade. Also solid, bold, and thick.
In My Back Pocket - Light orange and is a fun color.
A Grape Fit! - A perfect pastel purple shade.
Jade Is The New Black - Awesome green. A darker color good for pretty much year round!
Yoga-ta Get This Blue! - Dark blue with shimmer. It is said this is Taylor Swift's favorite OPI shade!
Lincoln Park After Dark - This is a good dark shade. It is a purple shade, but it is so dark it can look black at a glance. Great for fall and winter or for professional events, meetings, etc.
Suzie Loves Cowboys - This is from the Texas Collection and it is a great dark brown. We think brown is a cool nail polish color.

The Classic Pink Top 6 List
Pink is a common shade of nail polish and popular with the girls! It was hard for us to include all these great pinks in our list so we had to make it's own list! These are also common ones that should be pretty easy to find.
I Think In Pink - Light pink. Jessica says, "Everybody has to have a good light pink." I agree! It is just hard to find a good light pink that is thick enough so you don't have to do 100 coats!
Strawberry Margarita - Classic everyday pink.
Kiss Me On My Tulips - Just came out not too long ago in the Holland collection and is a great bold pink.
Koala Bear-y - Another all time favorite HOT pink!
Dim Sum Plum - Matte fusia. This one is thick and not dull. A favorite!
Flashbulb Fusia - Jessica has this one and I hadn't heard of it, but definitely on my wish list now! Very bright! They weren't kidding with the name!

The Essential Basics
This is our top 5 essential basics that you would need if you are starting a collection or already have them. You need the basics! We feel that if you are into nail polish or thinking about it, that you should have at least 1 pink, glitter, red, dark color, and unique color.
Pink shade - Strawberry Margarita
Glitter - Servin' Up Sparkle
Red - The Thrill of Brazil
Dark color - Lincoln Park After Dark
Unique Color - Cajun Shrimp
All 5 should be available!

Here are some of the colors that were mentioned in this post!

It's My Year - Miss Universe Collection

The Thrill Of Brazil - Classic Red

Dim Sum Plum & Teenage Dream

Fly - Nicki Minaj Collection

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

Garage Sale

Growing up, I never went to garage sales. It just wasn't my thing. As I was getting stuff for college (I can't believe it was a couple years ago!) my roommate, Paige, was telling me of all the things she was getting from garage sales for our room. Me, on the other hand, was taking trips to Target, buying all brand new things. I just kind of had this snobby attitude when it came to garage sales because I am picky about my things. I like them brand new, not used. And I would think, who knows what has been done with the things or who has touched them! But here I was just last week finding myself being invited to a big garage sale to support the Piper robotics team. I went to support with my best friend, Sammie and I ended up falling in love with a picture frame and a wine bottle that we managed to get for a couple bucks! You should have seen me get excited over these things. Once we got back to my house, I showed them to my mom and immediately got to work by changing the dull picture out of the frame and putting in my poster from the Taylor Swift's concert until I find (or make) something even better to put in the frame. I picked a place for it in my room and put the wine bottle right by it. These pieces make me feel...glamorous. And I got them used and for a couple bucks. That is what makes it magical. I have a tendency to be a little materialistic with a hint of expensive taste and here I am feeling happy, girly, and glamorous over these things I got for cheap and that we're even used. Something I am not used to. Something very new. It opened my eyes, got me out of my comfort zone, and got me actually pretty excited to see what I can possibly find at other garage sales. It also got me thinking. I was excited about this new step as it continues my growth as a woman. I've wondered what their stories are; these items. Did the frame hang in someone's bedroom? Maybe a bathroom or dining room? What were the owners like? Who did the designs on the wine bottle? These things have a past which got me thinking even deeper. I'm now at an age where we have pasts. In high school, when you first start dating and you get your first boyfriend or girlfriend, everything seems brand new. First boyfriend or girlfriend, first kiss ever, first time meeting the parents, first break up. As I've gotten to know others, I've finally accepted that people have pasts. They've already had their first kiss, they've met parents, they've had their heart broken. We aren't brand new anymore to the dating world. Everyone probably has at least one mark on their heart just like one of the screws in the back of my frame was broken. But it's okay, because I love it anyway. I fell in love with that frame and took it home with me. It's kind of the same for us. We may fall in love with someone that has a past...and unexpectedly perhaps just like I unexpectedly fell in love with that frame and wine bottle at that garage sale.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Can We Be Friends?: Friendships With The Opposite Sex

One December night, Anna and I were trying to figure out what our plans would be for the rest of the evening. Trevor, Paige’s now fiancé, was trying to help us come up with ideas. He suggested inviting over the boys we were talking to at the time to make cookies with us. Trevor then randomly said, “I saw this YouTube video…” and went on to tell us what it was about. It was a research study that was trying to find out if boys and girls can really just be friends. He explained to us that girls did not have a problem saying they could easily just be friends with a guy while the guys had a problem saying they could just be friends with a girl. It was common for the guys to want to eventually be more than friends with the girl they were friends with. This could cause some conflict. Ever since, he pointed that out, it has been on my mind as I observe my own relationships with boys and others as well. I have discussed the topic with both girl and guy friends of my own to learn more about friendships among the opposite sexes. I have even been reading a book called, Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti to further my understanding of the differences between men and women. And as a communications major, I have learned about the genderlect theory and how men and women communicate.

In my Theories of Communication class, we learned about the genderlect theory. It showed the different communication styles of men and women. Men use a report style of talking. They use logic and arguments  and they like to get straight to the point. If you talk to a guy after he gets back from a date, he will more than likely “report” to you getting straight to the point by giving you general and basic info. This conversation will probably be short. Now women use a rapport style of talking. They like to build relationships with people. When she gets back from her date, she will probably tell you almost every detail down to what she had to eat and as well as her date. She could be able to walk you through that date step by step and she may even digress and talk about other things that may relate to the date.

In Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti, they relate to men and women’s thinking and communicating processes to the foods. Waffles have boxes. Boys like to stay in their set boxes when they think and communicate. Women think and talk with all kinds of thoughts and stories intertwining like spaghetti noodles. The authors, Bill and Pam Farrel, used a good example of a conversation topic to show the differences between how men and women communicate with each other. So you have two guys looking at a Corvette. They can sit and talk about the Corvette for a long time. They would prefer to keep it simple in their car “box” in their waffle. Now if a woman comes up and joins the conversation with the men, she would probably start talking about the car, and then the owner of the car and then soon she will probably be talking about the owner’s wife and how she hasn’t hung out with her in ages and that they should get pedicures sometime as she looks down at her feet and tries to remember the last time she got one. This whole time, the men would have been content with just staying on the topic of the car. They get overwhelmed with so many topic changes, which can irritate them. Have you noticed that guys can talk about something like sports for a long period of time? And they will stay on the topic of sports. If you tell women to talk about sports, it probably wouldn’t be very long before they start talking about a celebrity that is dating an athlete and then the latest movie that celebrity was in and then they mention the last movie they saw last week and how good it was and that they saw a preview for the new Channing Tatum movie…see the difference?

As I have been learning more about men in books I have been reading, I am learning more and more about how simple they can be.  I thought it was perfect that in my daily devotional book last week, Joyce Meyer talked about the differences between men and women since I have been interested in writing about this topic. She said, “Men are simple, whereas women are not simple, and they always assume that men are just as complicated and intricate as they are. The whole point is that guys don’t think deeply all the time like women do.” She points out that men like to think about what is bothering them and women like to talk about it. When there is a conflict, men like to get over it and move on and women like to talk about it and figure out how to avoid it again. When you ask guys what they are thinking and they tell you, “nothing,” that really can be true. Guys can sit, watch TV and really think about nothing. Women have a hard time grasping this concept because we are always constantly thinking and wanting to build intimate relationships. So we find it hard to believe that it is possible to be content and think about nothing, which can irritate us.

Problem: Communication conflicts

"I think we should be friends..."

I had one of my close guy friends, Nick Welker, give me his point of view on friendships with the opposite sex. This gave me a guy’s perspective on the topic. Here is the first part:

Just to start things off, guys and girls can be friends. I know it’s possible. Because when we were all 5 and headed into kindergarten before all the hormones and whatnot kicked in, we all had friends of the opposite sex, and we didn’t think twice about it. But I assume the readers of this blog are out of kindergarten at least, and hormones have ruined everything. But in my experience, there are ways to be friends with the opposite sex. I’ve got a few female friends. Actual friends, not just acquaintances. And a few times, getting to the friend stage was a long, winding road of awkwardness. But most of the time, in the end, it’s just another thing to laugh at.

As I looked at my friendships with the boys in my life, I noticed that I either had liked them at one point, they liked me, we had a thing some time, or they were gay. There aren’t very many guy friends that I have where we haven’t had some blurred line or a “winding road of awkwardness” as Nick put it.

Nick continued…

I’m 23. So it’s not like I’ve had a lifetime of experience with this stuff. I am in no way, shape, or form an expert on this. Believe me, I wish I was.

First and foremost, if I find myself talking to a girl I don’t find particularly attracted to, it’s way easier to be friends. Sad but true. Not having sexual tension at all (at least on my end) works wonders for forming an actual friendship.

If however, I do find myself introduced to a girl I find attractive, and in the first few minutes we seem to get along well enough, I know I want to try and explore the possibility of a romance. I’m pretty sure that’s how most guys work. And as soon as that thought pops into a guys brain, friend is the last word he wants to hear. I’ve had cases where I’d prefer not to know the girl any more than to just be in the friend zone. Because the friends zone is a terrible, no good place where a guy sits and is tortured by knowing everything about what the girl does…with other guys.

I think this works well to support the YouTube video I had mentioned in the beginning. Guys find it hard to be friends with girls especially if they are attracted to them because they want to be more, there can be that sexual tension, and they don’t want to hear about other guys. This gives girls some reasons to understand why a guy might not want the friendship with them.

I think it’s really just a matter of how you go about things. I’m friends with girls I’ve dated and broken up with. I’m friends with girls who I’ve wanted to date and haven’t, and I’m friends with girls who have wanted to date me and didn’t get to. But there’s no reason to hold grudges about that silly stuff. You we’re obviously drawn to that person by something in their personality, otherwise you wouldn’t still be talking to them. So why wouldn’t you want to be friends. It’s just like dating them, but you don’t have to deal with all the craziness.

This sounds like my circle of guy friends like I had talked about earlier. It almost seems that it is rare to have a friendship with the opposite sex without some attraction, dating, relationship, or the like at some point. It depends on the situation, feelings, emotions, and how you handle it when it comes to whether or not you can be just friends.

Even Nick and I have had that winding road of awkwardness. Here is his take on it:

As for Miss Rachel Marshall, the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw her was “wow”. That is never a good sign for a guy. It didn’t take long for me to get to know Rachel bit by bit and form some sort of relationship with her. And, I might be entirely off base (but I know I’m not), there was a mutual attraction thing going on between us. And after an awkward incident, we sort of shifted our whole relationship. It turned into more of…not brother and sister. That’s not right at all. I’m not sure the best way to explain it. But for the remainder of the small portion of time where we both went to the same school, it was really just us talking occasionally, occasionally getting advice or just venting or talking about random shit at 2 in the morning. We didn’t talk for awhile after I graduated, which is probably my fault. But now, we text a decent amount, we’ve caught up on time missed, I know what guys she likes and I’m giving her a guys opinion on her blog. So I’m fairly certain we are friends.

We’ve known each other for about six years now. We went through the talking, the awkwardness, and even went on a date. But now we are good with just being friends. Sometimes to get to the same page and a happy balance with each other, it takes a lot of time. It took about two years for one of my first real boyfriends and I to be able to be friends once we had split up. Now we can talk to each other about pretty much anything.

"I still want to be your friend."

I haven’t been entirely lucky to just be friends with guys. I went on a couple dates with one and we texted non-stop when we first met, but after I realized I didn’t feel the same way as him, I talked to him and wanted for us to just be friends. But he felt that he couldn’t do that because of his like for me. So we completely stopped talking altogether because he couldn’t handle talking to me and didn’t know how to.

Things were turned around and I was recently put in a situation with a guy telling me he wants us to be friends after we had liked each other, talked almost every day, hung out, and even thought of a relationship down the road. I was in the middle of thinking, discussing, and learning about this very topic. Now I was faced with it. Will we be friends? I wouldn’t be surprised if we became friends just because of the kind of people we are. I think I just need to let my hurt feelings heal and have time away from him first. Who knows, but I do know it can be possible if everything lines up just right. Nothing blurry. We are still in our “winding road of awkwardness.”

Nick had a very neat conclusion to his message to me about this topic and I had to share it to get you thinking.

But the point is, we can coexist. It just takes work sometimes. 

Everyone is in such a rush to find the person they’re going to marry, but right now, I’m more concerned with finding the people I’m going to share that day with.

Now you know that there are differences in the way men and women think and communicate. It is best to learn about these differences to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. Joyce Meyer encourages this by reading books about the differences. She concludes one of her daily devotions with, “Understanding our differences helps us understand each other.” That’s what I have been doing and I hope that it will strengthen me when it comes to my friendships with the opposite sex and even in future relationships.

Just know that it can work, it just takes work...and maybe a little winding road of awkwardness. :)

A big thanks goes to Nick Welker for his contributions to this topic!

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel 

Italian Delight Bulb Moment

I went to work out and I had planned on grabbing some dinner on the way home. While I worked out I decided on what I wanted to eat. I was going to go to Italian Delight because I always forget it’s by my house and they have pizza that I was really craving. I had also decided that I wasn’t going to get it to go. I wanted to eat it there. I went in and I ordered and there was also an older woman there by herself. She ordered herself a slice of hamburger pizza and a beer. And she wasn’t getting it to go either. I sat down by myself at my own table. I was delighted by the sight of the two huge slices of cheese pizza I was about to indulge on and happy to have Dr. Pepper to wash it down with. It was a neat and new experience for me as I enjoyed a dinner out by myself. I looked over at the older woman sitting by herself with her pizza and beer. Her nails were painted red. This made me like her even more and because she showed me that it was okay that I was alone for that meal. I looked across from me to see nobody there. Not the boyfriend from my past, none of my best friends, family or a date I am trying to converse with was there. The other side of the booth was empty. And that was just fine. I was happy to enjoy my gooey cheesy pizza. That’s the light bulb moment. That I just might be starting to get to a point where I don’t need someone everywhere with me. That I can be fine by myself and that I can’t depend on others to make me happy. That's something I have been working on. I couldn't help but feel a little like Elizabeth Gilbert on her year long journey on her own to learn. I felt like I was her in Italy as the cheese stretched as I took a bite. Now would I want to do this every night? No. I really do enjoy other people’s company and I love to talk. But it was nice to enjoy that moment with just me. 

The pizza was divine.