Can We Be Friends?: Friendships With The Opposite Sex

One December night, Anna and I were trying to figure out what our plans would be for the rest of the evening. Trevor, Paige’s now fiancé, was trying to help us come up with ideas. He suggested inviting over the boys we were talking to at the time to make cookies with us. Trevor then randomly said, “I saw this YouTube video…” and went on to tell us what it was about. It was a research study that was trying to find out if boys and girls can really just be friends. He explained to us that girls did not have a problem saying they could easily just be friends with a guy while the guys had a problem saying they could just be friends with a girl. It was common for the guys to want to eventually be more than friends with the girl they were friends with. This could cause some conflict. Ever since, he pointed that out, it has been on my mind as I observe my own relationships with boys and others as well. I have discussed the topic with both girl and guy friends of my own to learn more about friendships among the opposite sexes. I have even been reading a book called, Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti to further my understanding of the differences between men and women. And as a communications major, I have learned about the genderlect theory and how men and women communicate.

In my Theories of Communication class, we learned about the genderlect theory. It showed the different communication styles of men and women. Men use a report style of talking. They use logic and arguments  and they like to get straight to the point. If you talk to a guy after he gets back from a date, he will more than likely “report” to you getting straight to the point by giving you general and basic info. This conversation will probably be short. Now women use a rapport style of talking. They like to build relationships with people. When she gets back from her date, she will probably tell you almost every detail down to what she had to eat and as well as her date. She could be able to walk you through that date step by step and she may even digress and talk about other things that may relate to the date.

In Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti, they relate to men and women’s thinking and communicating processes to the foods. Waffles have boxes. Boys like to stay in their set boxes when they think and communicate. Women think and talk with all kinds of thoughts and stories intertwining like spaghetti noodles. The authors, Bill and Pam Farrel, used a good example of a conversation topic to show the differences between how men and women communicate with each other. So you have two guys looking at a Corvette. They can sit and talk about the Corvette for a long time. They would prefer to keep it simple in their car “box” in their waffle. Now if a woman comes up and joins the conversation with the men, she would probably start talking about the car, and then the owner of the car and then soon she will probably be talking about the owner’s wife and how she hasn’t hung out with her in ages and that they should get pedicures sometime as she looks down at her feet and tries to remember the last time she got one. This whole time, the men would have been content with just staying on the topic of the car. They get overwhelmed with so many topic changes, which can irritate them. Have you noticed that guys can talk about something like sports for a long period of time? And they will stay on the topic of sports. If you tell women to talk about sports, it probably wouldn’t be very long before they start talking about a celebrity that is dating an athlete and then the latest movie that celebrity was in and then they mention the last movie they saw last week and how good it was and that they saw a preview for the new Channing Tatum movie…see the difference?

As I have been learning more about men in books I have been reading, I am learning more and more about how simple they can be.  I thought it was perfect that in my daily devotional book last week, Joyce Meyer talked about the differences between men and women since I have been interested in writing about this topic. She said, “Men are simple, whereas women are not simple, and they always assume that men are just as complicated and intricate as they are. The whole point is that guys don’t think deeply all the time like women do.” She points out that men like to think about what is bothering them and women like to talk about it. When there is a conflict, men like to get over it and move on and women like to talk about it and figure out how to avoid it again. When you ask guys what they are thinking and they tell you, “nothing,” that really can be true. Guys can sit, watch TV and really think about nothing. Women have a hard time grasping this concept because we are always constantly thinking and wanting to build intimate relationships. So we find it hard to believe that it is possible to be content and think about nothing, which can irritate us.

Problem: Communication conflicts

"I think we should be friends..."

I had one of my close guy friends, Nick Welker, give me his point of view on friendships with the opposite sex. This gave me a guy’s perspective on the topic. Here is the first part:

Just to start things off, guys and girls can be friends. I know it’s possible. Because when we were all 5 and headed into kindergarten before all the hormones and whatnot kicked in, we all had friends of the opposite sex, and we didn’t think twice about it. But I assume the readers of this blog are out of kindergarten at least, and hormones have ruined everything. But in my experience, there are ways to be friends with the opposite sex. I’ve got a few female friends. Actual friends, not just acquaintances. And a few times, getting to the friend stage was a long, winding road of awkwardness. But most of the time, in the end, it’s just another thing to laugh at.

As I looked at my friendships with the boys in my life, I noticed that I either had liked them at one point, they liked me, we had a thing some time, or they were gay. There aren’t very many guy friends that I have where we haven’t had some blurred line or a “winding road of awkwardness” as Nick put it.

Nick continued…

I’m 23. So it’s not like I’ve had a lifetime of experience with this stuff. I am in no way, shape, or form an expert on this. Believe me, I wish I was.

First and foremost, if I find myself talking to a girl I don’t find particularly attracted to, it’s way easier to be friends. Sad but true. Not having sexual tension at all (at least on my end) works wonders for forming an actual friendship.

If however, I do find myself introduced to a girl I find attractive, and in the first few minutes we seem to get along well enough, I know I want to try and explore the possibility of a romance. I’m pretty sure that’s how most guys work. And as soon as that thought pops into a guys brain, friend is the last word he wants to hear. I’ve had cases where I’d prefer not to know the girl any more than to just be in the friend zone. Because the friends zone is a terrible, no good place where a guy sits and is tortured by knowing everything about what the girl does…with other guys.

I think this works well to support the YouTube video I had mentioned in the beginning. Guys find it hard to be friends with girls especially if they are attracted to them because they want to be more, there can be that sexual tension, and they don’t want to hear about other guys. This gives girls some reasons to understand why a guy might not want the friendship with them.

I think it’s really just a matter of how you go about things. I’m friends with girls I’ve dated and broken up with. I’m friends with girls who I’ve wanted to date and haven’t, and I’m friends with girls who have wanted to date me and didn’t get to. But there’s no reason to hold grudges about that silly stuff. You we’re obviously drawn to that person by something in their personality, otherwise you wouldn’t still be talking to them. So why wouldn’t you want to be friends. It’s just like dating them, but you don’t have to deal with all the craziness.

This sounds like my circle of guy friends like I had talked about earlier. It almost seems that it is rare to have a friendship with the opposite sex without some attraction, dating, relationship, or the like at some point. It depends on the situation, feelings, emotions, and how you handle it when it comes to whether or not you can be just friends.

Even Nick and I have had that winding road of awkwardness. Here is his take on it:

As for Miss Rachel Marshall, the first thing that popped in my mind when I saw her was “wow”. That is never a good sign for a guy. It didn’t take long for me to get to know Rachel bit by bit and form some sort of relationship with her. And, I might be entirely off base (but I know I’m not), there was a mutual attraction thing going on between us. And after an awkward incident, we sort of shifted our whole relationship. It turned into more of…not brother and sister. That’s not right at all. I’m not sure the best way to explain it. But for the remainder of the small portion of time where we both went to the same school, it was really just us talking occasionally, occasionally getting advice or just venting or talking about random shit at 2 in the morning. We didn’t talk for awhile after I graduated, which is probably my fault. But now, we text a decent amount, we’ve caught up on time missed, I know what guys she likes and I’m giving her a guys opinion on her blog. So I’m fairly certain we are friends.

We’ve known each other for about six years now. We went through the talking, the awkwardness, and even went on a date. But now we are good with just being friends. Sometimes to get to the same page and a happy balance with each other, it takes a lot of time. It took about two years for one of my first real boyfriends and I to be able to be friends once we had split up. Now we can talk to each other about pretty much anything.

"I still want to be your friend."

I haven’t been entirely lucky to just be friends with guys. I went on a couple dates with one and we texted non-stop when we first met, but after I realized I didn’t feel the same way as him, I talked to him and wanted for us to just be friends. But he felt that he couldn’t do that because of his like for me. So we completely stopped talking altogether because he couldn’t handle talking to me and didn’t know how to.

Things were turned around and I was recently put in a situation with a guy telling me he wants us to be friends after we had liked each other, talked almost every day, hung out, and even thought of a relationship down the road. I was in the middle of thinking, discussing, and learning about this very topic. Now I was faced with it. Will we be friends? I wouldn’t be surprised if we became friends just because of the kind of people we are. I think I just need to let my hurt feelings heal and have time away from him first. Who knows, but I do know it can be possible if everything lines up just right. Nothing blurry. We are still in our “winding road of awkwardness.”

Nick had a very neat conclusion to his message to me about this topic and I had to share it to get you thinking.

But the point is, we can coexist. It just takes work sometimes. 

Everyone is in such a rush to find the person they’re going to marry, but right now, I’m more concerned with finding the people I’m going to share that day with.

Now you know that there are differences in the way men and women think and communicate. It is best to learn about these differences to avoid conflict and misunderstanding. Joyce Meyer encourages this by reading books about the differences. She concludes one of her daily devotions with, “Understanding our differences helps us understand each other.” That’s what I have been doing and I hope that it will strengthen me when it comes to my friendships with the opposite sex and even in future relationships.

Just know that it can work, it just takes work...and maybe a little winding road of awkwardness. :)

A big thanks goes to Nick Welker for his contributions to this topic!

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel 

Italian Delight Bulb Moment

I went to work out and I had planned on grabbing some dinner on the way home. While I worked out I decided on what I wanted to eat. I was going to go to Italian Delight because I always forget it’s by my house and they have pizza that I was really craving. I had also decided that I wasn’t going to get it to go. I wanted to eat it there. I went in and I ordered and there was also an older woman there by herself. She ordered herself a slice of hamburger pizza and a beer. And she wasn’t getting it to go either. I sat down by myself at my own table. I was delighted by the sight of the two huge slices of cheese pizza I was about to indulge on and happy to have Dr. Pepper to wash it down with. It was a neat and new experience for me as I enjoyed a dinner out by myself. I looked over at the older woman sitting by herself with her pizza and beer. Her nails were painted red. This made me like her even more and because she showed me that it was okay that I was alone for that meal. I looked across from me to see nobody there. Not the boyfriend from my past, none of my best friends, family or a date I am trying to converse with was there. The other side of the booth was empty. And that was just fine. I was happy to enjoy my gooey cheesy pizza. That’s the light bulb moment. That I just might be starting to get to a point where I don’t need someone everywhere with me. That I can be fine by myself and that I can’t depend on others to make me happy. That's something I have been working on. I couldn't help but feel a little like Elizabeth Gilbert on her year long journey on her own to learn. I felt like I was her in Italy as the cheese stretched as I took a bite. Now would I want to do this every night? No. I really do enjoy other people’s company and I love to talk. But it was nice to enjoy that moment with just me. 

The pizza was divine.

Be Positively Complete

In this past week, I have come to a realization. I have experienced a feeling. Something I haven’t felt in a long time and quite possibly…ever. I could tell you that I am comfortable in my own skin.

I have lost weight and I work out just about every day now. I can tell the difference in my body when I run that I am now stronger, lighter, and faster. It’s an amazing feeling. I’ve learned that it’s not all about looks on the outside, but how you feel inside too.

I have also been working out mentally and spiritually. I received one of the best birthday gifts last November. A friend sent me a book in the mail called, “The Confident Woman” by Joyce Meyer. It is a daily devotional book that I read every night before bed. I started it January 1^st and I have yet to miss a day! Almost every devotional impacts me somehow and gets me thinking and learning. I have been trying to apply things from the book to my life and alter my thinking to better it. I feel as if I can tell a difference in my thoughts and how I respond to situations. It’s not perfect and never will be, but it is better and I am happy with that.

I follow a twitter account called Sayings for Girls and there was a tweet once that said something along the lines of your body can make you sexy, your smile can make you pretty, but it is your personality that makes you beautiful. This got me thinking and I feel like I can agree to this. You can be the prettiest girl in the world on the outside, but what’s on the inside matters a whole lot too. Be beautiful inside too so you can be complete; the total package.

I feel as if the greatest thing to have for your wardrobe on the inside would be a positive attitude. Negativity can be unattractive. What does negativity do for you or anybody else? It weighs you down and it could also even be hurtful to others.

Today I chose to take negative things that hurt, frustrated, and irritated me from last night and I channeled it into my workout at the gym. This was a positive way for me to work some anger out and it was also a way to take negative things and put it towards something positive. It made me work harder and longer which made me feel better because I got it out and because of how the workout left me feeling afterwards. The negativity from others made me stronger emotionally, mentally, and physically. I got to learn how to deal with it emotionally and mentally of brushing it off and to keep moving forward and also stronger physically because I worked out that much harder because of it. Turn the negative into a positive! Plus, I feel empowered and confident when I am all sweaty from a workout and today I sure was sweaty!  So I thank you for the extra motivation.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

                                                                         -Eleanor Roosevelt 

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

Don't forget to smile anyway.

Dress Decorations

In my room in Kansas City, I have 4 dresses hanging on my walls in different places. These are past homecoming and prom dresses. They are beautiful and gorgeous dresses that I couldn't keep in the closet forever and I am too in love with them to sell. They are all me. I believe it started when I had them hanging on the ledge of the top of one of my closets for a really long time. Sammie and I had probably decided to deep clean my room one night and it was time for them to move. I don't know how we got the idea, but we somehow managed to hang them on my walls. When I redid my room last August, we rearranged my dresses as well. I love having them on my walls because they make such neat decorations and it is really unique and different! This way they are not sitting in my closet and I get to enjoy them! I haven't met anyone else that has done the same yet! But maybe some readers will give it a try?

Here is what it looks like! My favorite one is the silver dress drenched in sparkles. It flows down behind my vanity. That corner of the room represents my girly girl side. I have my vanity full of perfumes, jewelery, lotions and more. Then I have my nail polish rack and Susan B. Anthony award plaque hanging above it. This dress really ties in well with that corner and the glamour that goes with it!
The black dress ties in well with my black & white Friends poster.
Eventually Sammie & I want to get fancier hangers to hang them on to make it more classy and sophisticated.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Reader Feedback: Nail Polish Thumb Idea

Fallon Thompson tried my thumb idea with new nail polish she had gotten! I thought I would share this picture she posted after being inspired by my blog post! I love how she put her own twist to it and alternated the colors. I didn't even think of that! I love that we can share ideas :)
Definitely a neat summer look!
Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel
P.S. Fallon does photography! Check her out on Facebook. Fotography By Fallon :) Let me know if you have any questions and I can get you contacted with her!

Courtesy of Fallon Thompson

Something Different For Your Nails!

Right now there is a ring finger fad that is popular among girls. It is when you paint your nails one color, but your ring finger is a different color. I have seen some cute combination of colors that girls will do, but I personally don't like to participate in what is "in" when it comes to nail polish. I don't want to do what everyone else is doing at the moment. I never purchased or wore the shatter nail polish because it isn't my style and because everyone else was fascinated by it.
I will admit, I am picky and a tad snobby when it comes to nail polish. It is something that is kind of my thing and it's an awesome bond I share with one of my best friends, Jessica. She is the same way as me. We are always up to date on what's coming out and the latest crazes.
I like the one different color idea with the ring finger fad, but wanted to tweak a little to be different. So while I was in the shower this past week, I finally thought, what about the thumb? I had tried the pointer finger and it didn't look right. But the thumb is different because it is shorter and you use them to text. So wouldn't it be neat to have a different color on the fingers you use to text? So I tried it and actually liked it!
What do you think?
I like that it's different and I will probably rock this a few times this summer!
Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Up In The Air

I keep having this reoccurring theme of feeling up in the air or floating. I have a journal and I have probably written this a few times ever since the break up. That's what started it all. Ever since, things keep happening and coming up that gives me this feeling that everything is so up in the air. That I am floating.

It seems that the majority of my life has always been planned, always a routine, a set thing. I always knew where I was going, what I was doing. There haven't been many points in my life where I didn't have some sort of concrete direction in motion or routine. I've always kind of known what to expect. By the time I was in Kindergarten,  I was telling people I was going to attend Sumner for high school. I went to the same elementary/middle school all the way up until I went to Sumner. Each year I could anticipate what classes I would take next. I did dance and gymnastics at Byrd's for 12 years. I learned a lot of routines there. I was with someone for over three years and could expect what dates would be like, what we would do on the weekends, and even had a good night routine with him. For 4 summers ever since I started working, I knew I would be working at WYCO. It was all routine.

Right after the break up, our cat started to get sick and have problems. She was getting old. I knew I would soon lose her as well. I got news one of my favorite shows of all time, Desperate Housewives, was going to have their last season. That would be gone too. I knew big changes in my life were ahead. As time has gone on and I finally watched the last episodes of the show tonight, it was the cherry on top, the thing that would confirm what I was going to blog about next. This feeling of change and not knowing what to expect.

Summer has definitely been showing me things. Right now I have no routine. I no longer work at WYCO and don't have a job at the moment. I don't have that boyfriend to hang out with a lot over the summer. I don't have a summer reading assignment like I used to while at Sumner. No recital to prep for. There is no routine anymore. I don't have classes, work, meetings and deadlines to fill that. This is such a foreign thing for me. As of right now, it is not until August when I have things picking back up for school. Until then, I am sort of in this waiting stage of life. Remember last blog, I mentioned I am working on my patience? Well, waiting takes patience too. Again, I am getting a lot of practice!

But so far this summer has been great. I have been seeing so many people. I have been able to spend a lot of time with family, friends, and visit with others that I haven't seen in years. I have gotten to enjoy Tuesday family dinners which I miss all the time while at college. My oldest nephew, Logan's voice is changing and he is entering that preteen stage. I got to go to my brother's house and watch episodes of Fantasy Factory with him. I spent the past three days with my niece, Grace. I feel like I am watching myself when I was little as she tells me to watch her do gymnastics moves. She is six and is so smart. SHE read ME a bed time story the other night! I went out last night in Emporia with my sister. It was just us. A girl's night. I have spent a lot of time with really good friends and friends I don't get to see very often. I have had good conversations with them as well. I met a friend I had known since my sophomore year of high school for the first time in person. I visited Sumner and got to visit with a few teachers while I was there. I have been running into and seeing so many people from my past. I feel like there is a reason for it. It has been a reminder that things have changed and that I am getting older. It has also been an amazing reminder of the beautiful people that I have been so blessed to have in my life. It makes me think and my mind explores as I am visiting with all these people and learning what they are doing in their lives. I feel like God has put me in this position of no routine, no job, no deadlines, meetings, and everything else so that I have this time to really spend time with my family, friends, and all the other people that have been in my life at some point. I have definitely been savoring it and I have been thankful to have the time and opportunity to spend time with them.

At this point, I am just trying to get used to this up in the air idea. Of not really knowing what I am doing next week and the week after. I have been learning to have faith that things will work out. It takes time and of course it always seems to come down to me being patient! Until then, I am just taking the time to cherish the moments with wonderful people.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

My visit to Sumner with Marcus. Us with Mrs. Brown.

Logan & I. He is pretty much taller than me now!

The bed time story Grace read to me! Just Go To Bed!

Boys

Boys

This is a topic that I have thought about blogging about for awhile. It's just a complicated and complex subject. Especially for me as I have been trying to figure out how to talk, communicate, date, and hang out with them since I have become single. The last time I had been single was my sophomore year of high school and when I became single again, was my sophomore year of college. BIG difference. So I have been learning as I go.

Meeting new people and trying to engage in conversation has been something I have tried to figure out and do. It's convenient if you have a class with a guy you are attracted to because you share a common thing. One of the biggest frustrations I deal with is when you see a cute guy at the gym because they are either playing basketball with friends, working out and most likely have their headphones in. So how do you initiate anything and it's frustrating if you only see them there or that might the only time you do see them. 

I've had my fair share of unique ways guys have started talking to me. When I got my iPhone over spring break, the guy that set up my phone had used his work phone to send a text and call to make sure it was working right. Later that night he texted me to make sure I was doing okay with my phone which lead into conversation. One clever thing that still makes me smile when thinking about it was a time when I was talking to a guy on Facebook the night I created my blog. I told him about the blog I had just started and sent him a link to it. He saw on my description that I encouraged people to send me an email with advice, suggestions, questions, anything. I soon had an email from him on that account asking me out on a date. I loved that he did that because it showed that he actually went to my blog and had to have read it to have found the email and then he took time to email me that. Will never forget that!

With technology and social media, I have noticed that a new way to get noticed by someone is to start "liking" their things on Facebook. This has been a pattern that I have caught on to and take into consideration. Lately, I have been able to tell when guys have kind of "creeped" on my Facebook page.

One of the cleverest, but kind of cheesy things a guy has done: He asked me for my number over Facebook chat. I gave it to him and then he told me not to expect for him to text me anytime soon. Not even tomorrow or the next day because it had to be spontaneous and awesome like the conversation we just had. He really didn't text me after a couple days. 

I still haven't been able to understand why guys stop talking to me though. For no reason. Or at least they don't give me a reason. I hung out with somebody and we seemed to have a good time. Not long after, he wouldn't reply to my texts for a couple days. Then finally he told me a relationship wasn't what he needed. Which was fine because I wasn't ready for a relationship at the time and I told him that. I asked if we could still hang out and talk like we had been and he agreed and even told me I was fun to hang out with. He eventually stopped talking to me and if I texted him now, he probably wouldn't reply. We were honest with each other and he told me he had fun with me and agreed to hang out and talk, but did the opposite. Why? 

I've had a couple guys text me for about a couple days and seem really interested in me and they are getting to know me and then I won't hear from them again. They just stop. No reason. That's been a frustrating aspect of trying to talk to guys.

Another frustrating thing, finding a guy that I can have great and long conversations with, but I don't feel a spark. I can't feel the same way back. There have been a couple guys that I had hung out with and even gone on a date with that I got along with really well and had great conversations with, but I didn't feel that spark, the physical attraction. I believe you got to have that there if there is going to be any kind of relationship down the road. It sucks because I know they were great guys and really liked, but I can't help who I am attracted to. And I can't go on with them if I don't feel the same way. It also sucks when it is vice versa. I have chased after guys that didn't really deserve my time!

There has been times where guys can get overwhelming to me. There have been times where multiple will come at once or a guy will pour his heart out. This is when I retreat. When I want to get away from boys for awhile. Or when they all seem to be d-bags. I retreat. There was a time where I wouldn't get a text from a male for a couple days straight.

There have been many times I have thought that I might intimidate boys. I have asked a couple. One told me that I can be and that normally girls don't make him nervous, but I do. Another told me no, just only when I am all dressed up and what not. Sometimes I want to tweet or something and ask. Am I intimidating? It makes me want to reassure boys that really I am kind, I am not snobby, and really shouldn't be that intimidating! I guess it can be flattering in a way?

Another thing I have wanted to tweet: "I dare a boy to take me on a date." 

I have concluded that boys my age must not believe in dates anymore or know how to take a girl on one. I have been single for over half a year and have been on ONE official date really. But the guy was 25 so it kind of shows that older guys know how to do it, but what about guys my age? It's all about "hanging out." Go to each other's places and talk, watch tv, make food, watch movies. I am totally fine with hanging out and I enjoy hanging out with a nice guy, but sometimes girls like to go out. On dates. 

One thing I did tweet, are guys not attracted to brunettes anymore? My ex left me for a blonde, a guy I had liked, his ex before he started talking to me is blonde, one guy I talked to preferred blondes and so on. This kind of made me bitter at one point, but it makes me embrace my long brunette hair even more! Team brunette all the way!

I have been asked if I am ticklish multiple times. I believe guys use this tickling tactic as a way to get closer to girls and even have the possibility of touching them somehow in a not as creepy way to them. Yes, I am ticklish, and no, it really isn't that fun for me to be tickled.

It amazes me that a guy can kiss me with feeling, but not really mean much by it.

Boys are confusing. And they will tell you that girls are confusing too. I just ask for guys to be straight up with me and to not lead me on. It's happened before. I have been trying to learn to go with the flow. I am beginning to not be surprised when one will show up randomly from the past or when a guy will just disappear without any explanation. I try to enjoy the times I do get to "hang out" with them and cherish the memories. Learn from mistakes and have some be lessons learned. I get to know them and I learn what I want and don't want. I guess that is what single life is kind of about right? Learning what you want and don't want. Having fun? There has been fun moments, but there are times I miss being in a relationship. Am I close to being in one right now? Nope. Especially with summer, it is hard to start anything now. I am just enjoying my time, the conversations, and the hang outs. Eventually, I will go on a date again. I have been practicing my patience and it's been definitely getting some practice. :)

Britney Spears ends her song, "Boys" with "can't live with them, can't live without them." I don't know about all that. But I have faith that guys can come through. I know you guys can be clever and treat girls right. I am learning to figure you guys out. If anyone wants to offer feedback, advice, or the like. Email me, text me, message me on facebook, tweet me, whatever!

I hope I didn't offend any of you, just my observations on my journey as a single lady! :)

Sparkle & Shine,

Rachel

Brights

Yesterday I came home for summer. It was weird leaving Emporia for awhile. My summer plans seem really up in the air which is an unusual thing for me that I'm trying to grasp and run with. Trying to get used to this spontaneous type of summer of not knowing where I am going to work yet and what other things are going to happen and come my way. I'm trying to take it head on and confidently. Tomorrow I'm going to start by digging hard to get to the bottom of this job situation and get my Y membership so I can start back at the gym. The last few summers I knew what to expect. I was in a routine, but not this one. I'm a little anxious. But on a lighter note, I got my nail polish all back together for the summer and it was the first time I had ALL my nail polish in my rack. And it's almost full! I did my nails to start off summer and decided with all bright colors. I don't have to go with a professional looking color or have to do all one color die to banquets, meetings or special events. It's summer! And I don't have anything planned really! So why not do multicolor? I am in love with the color combination and the brightness of it. Really pops! Here we go, Summer.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

A Reflection

I can't believe that this school year is already over. It seemed like it only took a couple blinks and it was done, but really as I reflect back on this past school year, it has been the biggest year of my life. The other night as Anna and I did our nails together for the last time for a couple months, we decided to reflect on this past year. We talked about the first day we moved into our apartment and how our mom's kept talking to each other about how we were moving in to our first apartment. At the time, we didn't think much of it, but looking at it from other perspectives, it kind of is a big deal. We talked about the day of the break up and how her and Paige took me to get Chinese food and we spent the evening at Peter Pan park. I told her that was probably the best thing they could have done for me. We discussed the night her and Paige had to confront me about something that was really tough for them to do. How I had cried on the ottoman in our living room as Anna sat on the couch and watched me in pain while I kept telling her, "thank you." At that point, that is all I could say even though it probably wasn't enough. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be in their shoes at that point in time. She told me what they had done and how they had debated about it. It was probably one of the toughest things they have had to do so far and I can't thank them enough. It shows how true of friends they are and that they have what's best for me in mind. I am blessed beyond with best friends that got me through such a horrible time in my life. Sammie had another hard job as well. As always she went the extra mile and took care of me. That's another person I can't thank enough. I was so glad to still have Jessica in my life too after everything. I remember breaking down at her house and crying in front of her for the first time. Anna and I also talked about the guys that I tried talking to and that have tried talking to me, and the kind of luck I had with them. It was also tough having Paige go back home. She has a special place in our hearts and we miss her a lot. We laughed over fun times with her like when she completely destroyed Anna's side of the room for no apparent reason and when Anna attempted to get her back and failed.

As the year has been wrapping up and I had a night to myself since Anna has already left, I have been doing some reflecting over this semester. Fall semester was filled with hurt and pain and it kind of carried over into the Spring semester, but I fought hard to make sure it didn't stay. There was no way I was going to let it bring me down. As I was sitting in my last counseling session and he asked me questions about my progress and we talked about what I was like when I first started counseling, I started the see all the changes. I could see the strength I had gained clearly. I felt like I came full circle almost. Or maybe some kind of closure or something. I had gone in a horrible mess that would cry every week while in session to become a more confident woman that was more aware of her feelings and emotions. I felt empowered and like it was some sort of victory.

It amazes me when I look back at the state I used to be in. I could barely eat and would call my mom constantly. I remember one Monday, I had to go to an Ambassadors meeting and then soon after read my poem that had been selected to be in Quivira. I had called my mom before it and cried to her. She told me I was going to get through it and I wasn't going to miss out on reading my poem. I was going to go and I was going to read it. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot across from the alumni center not wanting to go in. But I pushed through it. I went and tried so hard not to let it show and to be strong because I really didn't have a choice. When thinking about the whole situation and what I went through, when it came down to it, I didn't have a choice. I was going to suck it up and strive to get things done. I had classes to attend, work to get done, an organization to lead, and an executive board position to fulfill in Ambassadors. There wasn't much time to dwell. As much as I wanted to take time to cry, sulk, and be alone, I am glad I had things that made me keep going. And I somehow did it and I sometimes don't know how. I just knew I wasn't going to let a person get the best of me and get me down. That's why I love "Part of Me" by Katy Perry and "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson so much. It resonates well with me.

This semester, I have had a lot of success that I still can't believe has happened. I was awarded the Susan B. Anthony scholarship for educating women on the ESU campus. That meant so much to me. Even if it didn't have money attached to it, I would still be honored to have gotten it because of what it stands for. I was able to meet the President and I took the chance in asking if his wife could attend a BUILD Beauty meeting. She did and then also hosted a BUILD Beauty birthday party at their house! I now chat with them when I see them around campus. I am lucky enough to be on a first name basis and have casual conversations with the President and First Lady of my university. It still blows my mind. I received the Robert and Mary Glennen lead scholarship as well as a CASE ASAP district scholarship that will take care of my registration for national conference this summer. BUILD has expanded and is now an official organization at K-State. I was elected to be next year's Vice President for Ambassadors. After pushing so hard to get through the bad and having to experience so much pain, I am definitely reveling, savoring and saying thanks for all this good that has been coming my way.

There are so many beautiful people in my life. I thank you for being there. I thank everyone that has said kind words to me in person, through Facebook, text, however it was communicated! It is messages that people tell me and send me that motivate me even more to strive to be the best I can be and hopefully make differences in people's lives.

Things I have learned...
It really does get better and it does take time. Have faith that things will change because they really do.

Would it be weird to say that I am kind of thankful that my heart was broken and that I went through a tough time? Because I have grown so much and I have spread my wings. I am doing things now that I wouldn't have done before. I am learning and becoming stronger and more confident in who I am. I am becoming a better person. And I am thankful for it.

Take chances, know that it will get better, and that everything will be okay.

Sparkle & Shine,
Rachel

Like I was poison in your mouth

You took my light, you drained me down
But that was then and this is now
Now look at me
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no
Throw your sticks and your stones, throw your bombs and your blows
But you’re not gonna break my soul
This is the part of me
That you’re never gonna ever take away from me, no

-Part of Me, Katy Perry

You know I dream in color
And do the things I want
You think you got the best of me
Think you've had the last laugh
Bet you think that everything good is gone
Think you left me broken down
Think that I'd come running back
Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone
What doesn't kill you makes a fighter
Footsteps even lighter
Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone

-Stronger, Kelly Clarkson

If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine
Just own the night like the 4th of July

-Firework, Katy Perry