The Burn Sign

Physically, our bodies have this system that lets us know when something is too hot so we don’t touch it any longer. It keeps us from getting burned too badly. It’s usually a quick reaction. When something is toxic to our body, it tries its best to reject it and we throw it up. Our bodies have these defense mechanisms to save us from pain and to get rid of those toxic things.

But what about our hearts? It’s as if our mind is just about the only thing to help it, but it’s really slow. Maybe our heart gets in the way. Or it’s too much for our brains to protect. But aren’t we supposed to be smart? Maybe sometimes, we don’t think enough.

So why isn’t there a system that tires to protect us from getting burned emotionally? I’ve realized with all sorts of relationships, I keep going even if there may be subtle signs. I keep going and won’t stop until I seriously get hurt and burned badly. Then my heart and body physically feel the pain. We let people burn us and we let people be toxic and infect our worlds. There is no quick system that leaves us saying, “Ouch, that hurts” like we would trying to move that hot plate at a Mexican restaurant.

Our bodies don’t seem to try to run away from the bad. Not until it gets worse. Maybe it will get better. Maybe we really can settle. Compromise. Things can turn around, right?

I also think of this as the wake up call. A friend of mine was talking about this girl his friend hasn’t been 100% honest with and he said, “I’m kinda hoping she wakes up to it all.” I explained that I feel like you can’t, really. Or it’s at least hard to unless someone slaps you or splashes water on your face. It wasn’t until my friends told me he was still seeing her that I finally closed the door.

I think for people, especially girls, it takes a lot to stop. For us to stop believing, hoping, wondering, wishing, working, and making excuses. To finally get up and walk away. To finally let go. We let ourselves get cheated and mistreated sometimes. It happens. I just wish there was some better system to warn us quicker. I don’t pay attention to the little signs. I want the warning. So the burns don’t hurt as bad and that feeling of needing to throw up goes away. So our hearts won’t break as hard or nearly as often as they seem to do.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

Sunday Sprinkle: The Stairwell

Since it has been so cold lately, I feel like we need something steamy to heat us up. :)

Stay warm, glitter readers and maybe share some kisses with someone special! 

The Stairwell

We walked in the cool city breeze

with our arms around each other’s backs.

Back to the hotel in search for a moment alone.

We stopped to kiss once along the sidewalk,

another on a stiff couch in the hotel hallway.

We found stairs that nobody normally use

so we could use each other’s kisses

in an attempt to satisfy our attraction.

We found a place and met each other’s eyes.

I dropped my purse to the ground

right before he pressed me to the wall with his kiss.

The friction of his kiss and his jeans

made the heat rise in my body.

There were no colors on the white walls and cement stairs,

but he brought color to me.

He brought red to my cheeks and the tip of my nose,

with his LA sun bleached hair my fingers had run through,

and the green button-down shirt my hands had smoothed over. 

There were no sounds that filled that empty stairwell
except for our breath trying to catch up with us.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

Searching: The Scary Parallels of Job Hunting and Dating, A Satire by Rachel Marshall

As a recent college graduate and early twenty-something, there is a lot of searching going on. The last few years, I have been searching for myself, the perfect major, and what I am good at it. Now I am searching for my first big-girl job. Oh, and I am also supposed to be searching for the right guy for me too. It’s exhausting. But, I am finding out the scary parallels between these two pretty pivotal life searches.

What people tell you…

Job Searching

Something will come up soon. You are great! A company would be thrilled to have you. You’re pretty. You’ll have no trouble finding a job. With your resume, you will find something in no time.

Dating

Someone will come along. You are great! A guy would be lucky to have you. You’re pretty. You’ll have no trouble finding a guy. With everything you’ve got going for you, you will find someone.

How are you still single? might as well turn into the new How are you still unemployed?

…

Technology

LinkedIn is like the Match.com of job searching.

I was on LinkedIn the other day when I saw that a company I had applied to a couple weeks ago had shared the job posting for the position I had applied for “an hour ago”. I felt awkward. It stung me, had me self-conscious, and in a way, bummed. Even my job searching social media hurt a little like when I see a guy I really liked upload a picture with his new girl on Facebook. Am I not good enough? You need to see other candidates first? Other girls? Can’t escape!

The same technological anxieties exist for both. The did my text message go through? can be the equivalent to did they get my application? Do we wait for them to contact us first?

…

The Big Debate

So, who wants to debate which is worse? Because you know, there is that weird idea some people have that being single is one of the most awful things in the world. I am currently both, single and unemployed. (Please, no pity parties.) I have been looking at both sides and so far this is what I have come up with.

I can’t snuggle with a job and it can’t kiss me either. I guess in some cases and depending on the job, I could maybe take it home with me. But in the job search, there is so much silence. I like conversation. I have to try to make my first impression with a cover letter and resume. They are so black and white. It makes it challenging to show my personality.

But I kind of need a job to live. I need it for the basics of you know, food, shelter, and other necessities. If I had a job, I could simply take myself out on dates if I wanted to.

This whole debate could be over if I simply found a rich man that sweeps me off my feet and the need for a job just vanishes. But I am not about that life. *insert sassy hand emoji*

...

Other Thoughts

Even rejection is similar these days. Some places don’t even bother to tell you they aren’t interested. It’s the same as the guy you had been seeing that stops texting you and eventually falls off the map without telling you a thing. Bye?

I guess finding a person/job is very similar because you have to like them and they have to like you too?

There are no articles on the Internet telling you how fabulous the unemployment life is and listing 25 reasons why. In fact, I went to Google and started typing in, “reasons why being” and Google started to try to finish my sentence with the first option as “reasons why being single is good.” See?

I continued to type the rest and once I started typing, “unemployed is,” Google had the options of “is bad, is a good thing, is depressing, is great.” I clicked on “great” to see what it would give me.

I selected the top article, “18 Good Reasons You are Still Unemployed” and I am still wondering why they bothered including the word, “good” in the title. Those tricksters. In short, the article pretty much suggested you are not doing enough, interview poorly, and maybe not doing it right. It also pointed out that you may be depressed, angry, or your attitude just stinks. But if you get over these things, you “will usually land in a hurry.” I am not kidding.

You can see for yourself, here.

I have close friends that are in the same boat as me living both single and unemployed. We are paddling hard and feeling like we are going against the water. But we should know that the sea of Life’s drift will keep us moving. And if we get knocked down or out of the boat, as Dory says, “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” or rather we shall say, “just keep searching, just keep searching.” Keep searching, keep talking, keep working. Ahoy!

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

P.S. Oh, but while I am here. I am a young, outgoing, and determined hard-working lady. I have a degree in Communication with an emphasis in Public Relations. I love writing, social media, and public speaking. My online portfolios can be accessed at clippings.me/rachelnm3 and clippings.me/thegirlygirl. I have a lot of experience. Want to see my resume? :) 

Hair

Five years ago, I boldly cut my hair and hated it. I even made a Facebook “note” about it circa The Girly Girl and titled it, “Life is Short, But My Hair Doesn’t Have To Be.” Cute, I must say. I read it and I feel for 2010 Rachel. Oh, how I have grown. And my hair did too.

Fast forward to December 2014. The week of Christmas, I started having weird thoughts of cutting my hair. Since the 2010 hair cut, I had always wanted my hair long and encouraged others to keep their long hair too. I kept asking my friend Jessica, who just chopped her hair off, “Are you sure?” So when I started discussion with friends, they were pretty surprised.

I was already leaning pretty hard for this cut. It was Christmas night when I was experiencing a breakdown that I grabbed my phone while I was crying and texted Jessica that I wanted to cut my hair as soon as possible.  

I’ve been ending chapter after chapter lately and experiencing a lot of changes internally. I’ve been hurting a lot. Now I wanted to do something physical, but a little less permanent than a tattoo or piercing.

It quickly became an [eff you] to a lot of [bee ess] I went through in 2014. I was getting fresh for 20fifteen. I was hitting a restart button for a brand new year in hopes that these next chapters start soon.

Now I was nervous for it all. Was I going to hate it just like I did in 2010?

The big cut happened and I posted a picture on all of my social media platforms with no caption. I was letting it speak for itself. I was becoming blank and ready for new.

I was overwhelmed with the positive response I received. Really, you guys made me feel like a cool kid. But one word kept appearing. Cute. Was I just cute now? Some of you know my fascination with sexy and some have probably read my blog about that word. Others even remembered my hair “note” five years ago. Didn’t you blog about how much you hated your hair last time you cut it? You guys really do read. I digress. Anyway, sexy is important to me. Now I was feeling like my hair brought that. Was it gone? Did I just chop off a part of my appeal?

I talked to some of my lady friends about it. My short-haired lady friends. They brought good perspective to it. Gently reminding me of things I already knew: that a lot of sexy is in your mind and how you rock it. Also, it’s very subjective. Not just simply your hair. Even though society usually correlates long hair with sexy, they actually feel sexier with their short hair. There is some sort of special dash of sassy you get with short hair as I have been finding out. 2010 Rachel really obsessed over her hair and her confidence. I was refusing to make that a repeat.

A little over a week with my new do, I definitely feel like I found my sexy. And that feels fabulous. Take that 2010 haircut! See 2010 Rachel?! A lot of it is how you own it and back then I still didn't know how. 

As Coco Chanel says, “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life,” so I’m thinking, lets do this.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

Sunday Sprinkle: Believing in Glitter

Hi, 2015!

I hope you glitter readers had a great NYE and have had a spectacular four days so far. I have been anxiously waiting to use this poem as my first Sunday Sprinkle of 2015. I spent a lot of December sketching and visiting this piece trying to grasp all the right things for it. 

It has been a tough last few months and it's been teaching me how much I really do value positivity. It has shown me what a "rainbows and butterflies" girl I am and I am not sorry about it at all. So let's start this 2015 Sunday Sprinkle off right! 

Here is to you. I send good luck and good vibes to those that have set resolutions and goals this year. May you achieve, succeed, fail, but keep going anyway. :)

…

Believing in Glitter

I fight for fireflies at night during dark days.

Their bursts of light are shining inspiration.

Like a heart beats; they twinkle.

Keeping my curious spirit alive.

I search for rainbows in storms.

Their colors grace grey cloudy skies

showing me to cherish and treat the good

as the same as the muddy bad times.

I yearn for butterflies in my stomach.

Their wings flutter, kissing my feelings

all over. Making me tingle from his touch;

teaching me about that 4-letter-word, love.

I dream for girls to love themselves.

Their confident smiles glowing loudly

and their skin breathing fresh air.

Flaw wouldn’t be a word anymore.

I strive to smell as many flowers as possible.

Their short-lived beauty and simplicity

whispers to me to slow down and savor

every pivotal moment like their petals.

I believe in glitter and sequence.

Their girly essence is sprinkled in me

coaxing me to have fun tonight;

telling me to leave my heart wide open.

…

Do you believe in glitter?

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

#SundaySprinkle

rebloggy.com

2014: My Love Affair with Vulerability

2014 is closing. I’m anxiously waiting for the bartenders to tell me to leave. In the meantime, I’ve been thinking back on what the heck just happened.

After reflecting and sifting through so much of this year, a word kept showing up. Capable. And another one. Vulnerable. I mean, I could even put them together in a sentence.

I am capable of being vulnerable.

So just from this year, I learned…

I am capable of traveling alone on flights. I did this more than once. And I found that I kind of actually enjoy it.

I am capable of planning a district conference.

A guy showed me that I am capable of loving again. (And that guys are capable of taking me out on dates!) And that I am capable of trying new things like food, hiking, and whitewater rafting.

I am capable of graduating with a degree.

Capable of competing in a pageant (2 of them in one year!) Capable of losing 10lbs. Capable of walking across a stage in my swimsuit.

I am capable of fundraising money. Even asking people for help, I am capable of.

And admitting when I am sad.

I am now capable of recognizing that maybe some people aren’t good for me.

I am capable of being hurt.

My heart is capable of breaking again.

I am capable of facing two people that hurt me the most. And also capable of forgiving them.

I am capable of ending chapters.

But I am capable of staying in touch.

I am capable of standing up for myself.

I am capable of blocking.

And also, capable of saying no.

All be darned, I have the capability of surviving an hour on the treadmill. (Woof.)

Most of all, I am capable of being confident

and I am capable of loving myself.

To experience these capabilities, I had to be vulnerable. There was an article I was scared to write that would be in print for all my peers to see. I bore a lot of nerves and fear for that. I finally let myself be really vulnerable for a guy that just kept knocking. I hadn’t handed over my heart like that in years. And I felt it break soon after. I was vulnerable enough to be completely judged on a stage by judges, an audience, and people watching online across the nation. A lot of what I have done made me vulnerable to mean girls too.

But, I voluntarily accepted this weird responsibility to bare myself to experience, whether good or bad, not only because I want to for myself, but as some sort of obligation as a writer. Writing is my passion. And to keep writing and writing well, I feel the need to experience. But I also want to experience these things so I can write to you. It’s when I receive feedback from my readers that they can relate or be inspired from what I write, it makes it all worth it. And for me to bare myself to all these experiences in life, I need to be quite vulnerable.

My Love Affair with Vulnerability

My soul is susceptible.

It’s willing to be a pebble

with harsh waters washing over me

in waves of hate and grace.

I make it easier for you to hurt me

with this life lived exposed.

Have you heard about my love affair

with vulnerability?

--- It’s more than a crush.

Our hearts beat loudly

and together we make everything tempting.

With risk comes a rush.

Courage knows nothing better than how to kiss.

My skin has walked the stage.

I have been judged and attacked

as the spotlight shines through me

showing mistakes I’ve made.

Do something, say anything, and write poetic lines;

and [I] wait to be criticized.

…

It has been a whirlwind bittersweet year. Right now, I have a bitter taste in my mouth, but I know time will make it sweeter.There were a lot of pivotal events I needed to experience and some of them were a little painful. A lot of chapters ended. A love story, a friendship, and my time in a town I called home for 4 years. I was laying down on an air mattress with Kirsten trying to get to sleep on our last night in the apartment I spent 3 years in. I could hear the trains. I remembered the first couple nights I laid awake in that apartment when I was not used to them. They annoyed me. But on that last night, I smiled. They were comforting and I was going to miss them.

…

Sprinkles of happy moments in 2014---

Graduating college + The arrival of my niece, Ella Jane + Meeting the other Rachel Nicole Marshall (twice!) + Achieving fitness goals + Traveling + 3 concerts over the summer [Lady Gaga, Justin Timberlake, Katy Perry] + Meeting Colbie Caillat + Being a Maid of Honor for a best friend's wedding  + Competing in Miss Kansas USA + The Royals in the World Series + The release of Taylor Swift's 1989 album + Getting new glasses and playing around with my style

…

Resolutions

My resolutions are:

to write a line a day

read a book every 2-3 weeks

My writing is going to be a huge focus for me in 2015. I am determined to push myself in this area. 

What are you resolutions?

…

I may be a little too excited for the arrival of 2015. I am going to give it a big wave hello. Heck, I may even kiss it! There is so much open space and opportunity. I can’t wait to explore. I want to consume everything and learn as much as I can. I hope we all have great adventures and lots of laughter in 2015.

Thank you for another great year and your continued support of my writing and this blog. 3 whole years down!

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

*Pink words are links to previous related blog posts if interested in further reading

Sunday Sprinkle: Drunk

Drunk 

I was drunk on him.

I drank every bit of him

until the straw became dry

and his love for me ran out.

I was wasted on all his words

and the promises he made.

I was intoxicated with his body

and how it mixed with my own.

He had me under the influence.

         I was under his influence.

I was so drunk that I didn’t notice

and so drunk that I didn’t know who I was.

I didn’t remember a lot of things.

It was when he broke my heart

that I became hung over.

I had a headache from his words

and the conversations that I played

over and over made me dizzy.

I threw up every promise

and cried for the person

that had made me feel loved.

I slept for a long time.

And when I woke up,

I found out who I was.

It was then it all felt like a dream.

I was no longer dazed and drunk.

I was finally seeing clear.

*Published in the 2014 edition of Emporia State University's Quivira 

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel

@theglitterylife

Your Last Week of 2014 To-Do List

What are you going to do with your last week of 2014?

I am one of those people that like fresh starts; new days, weeks, months, and right now, I am anxiously waiting for the new year.

It feels like I am borderline obsessed with thinking about 2015. This will be the first January in which I am not going back to school. There isn’t much marked on my calendar. I don’t have a graduation to work toward or any other big events, really. Still job searching. So much OPEN space!

I will post about my 2014 this coming week, but as I have been reflecting, I have come to realize I have ended a lot of chapters. So I am excited to start a bunch of new ones real soon. And 2015 is one of them.

So how can we prepare? Here are some of the things that I have been working on and will be doing my last week!

Take time to think about 2014

I love looking back at the year and reflecting on what just happened. What did I accomplish? What did I learn? Who did I meet? Where did I travel to? I also like to think of the themes that seemed to pop up. Look at what you have taken from 2014 so you can use it for 2015.

Organize, Organize, Organize. Delete, Delete, Delete.

Email – I have multiple email accounts and I have finally gotten in the habit of keeping up with deleting and organizing emails. I use Gmail and love to make folders and subfolders so I can stash away the emails that I want to keep or are important. Makes it less cluttered and not so daunting when you log in.

My Mac – I like to keep my desktop clean. I have my “Poetry” folder and then will have a few things I am currently working on. I just went through a bunch of folders, documents, and pictures throwing away things I don’t need anymore and cleaned up areas by making subfolders. I also cleaned through my Dropbox and backed up certain folders to my flash drive just in case something were to happen!

I even edited and changed around my dock!

iPhone – I am currently going through my contacts on my phone. I don’t think I have ever sat down and deleted contacts I don’t need/use anymore since I have had a phone going into the 8^th grade. And as I have gotten new phones, they would just transfer over. Somehow down the line of one of my iPhones, my Facebook contacts synced to my contacts and saved. I changed the setting, but the synced ones are still there. So I even have duplicates of people! I have hundreds of contacts from old volleyball coaches, teachers, high school friends, people I met at conferences, and probably over 100 ambassadors from ESU. There are even some people I don’t even remember who they are. This is an undertaking, but much needed. I don’t think I need phone numbers of moms that chaperoned high school field trips anymore!

Go through apps and delete things you don't use anymore. Wipe out old pictures. Delete old texts. Refresh your phone!

*I would also suggest actually powering off your electronics. I rarely shutdown my Mac and iPhone as much as I should. This is a good time!

Social Media - You can take the time to update all of your profiles. Check and make sure you are up to date and do an overall check-in with what you have been posting. You can also go through your friends lists and who you are following.

Purse – I got a new purse and wallet for Christmas, which I am excited about. But even if you don’t get new pieces, I would encourage you to take time to go through them. I don’t think we go through them enough. I found lots of change and fortunes from fortune cookies!

Old gift cards – As I have been de-cluttering, I have come across old gift cards. You can simply search online and enter the numbers to see their balances. Some barely have anything on them, but I have been making a point to use them, because I don’t want to waste money. It’s like getting a little discount!

Makeup – Might as well go through makeup and see what you are using and not using anymore. You might need to throw away that mascara you have had for awhile. This is a good time to clean your brushes too.

Start thinking about your resolutions

Since I am taking this new year serious, my resolutions have been just as serious. I even researched resolution ideas. I wanted to have something I could do every day as well as other goals and resolutions to work on through the year. I would really think about what it is that you feel needs to be worked on or what you would like to accomplish. Make smart resolutions like you would with goals. Try to be specific as possible. Don’t just say, “I want to get in shape.” Make it specific with pounds and/or inches lost by a certain date for example.

You can take the week to get prepared for them. What will you need to accomplish these goals? Need a gym membership? You can start researching gyms near by. One of my resolutions will be dealing with reading more. I have already been asking people for book recommendations and have written an actual list out. I am already up to 30!

Write a letter

In the past, I have written a letter to myself on the 1^st of January. I will read it the next year and write another one. (My 2014 letter is still missing in action! I am pretty bummed I haven’t found it. So make sure you remember where you stash them! I think the transition of moving and cleaning out my room might have had something to do with it!) This is a cool way to speak to yourself and see where you were at a year ago. It’s a nice way to tell yourself about your resolutions as well.

There are some other things I am thinking about doing to prepare for my new year. These were just some of what I have been doing, have done, and suggest. You can go through clothes, shoes, and books too. De-cluttering, recharging, and rebooting are good for you! Do you have any ideas for me as I am about to complete my last week of 2014? Please send me them by emailing me at glitterandthegirlygirl@gmail.com.

Have a great last week! Please feel free to share what you do with it! Tweet me @theglitterylife with #LastWeek.

Sparkle&Shine.

Rachel